It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you, even longer since I’ve seen you,
And although I miss you I’m glad you’re not around,

I’m relieved my phones not ringing at three am, cause every time I thought it’d be someone telling me your body has been found,

My heart breaks every time I see a recent photo of you, the sunken cheeks, the dark circles under your eyes,
Every time I think of how you’ve hurt your body, with every pill that touched your mouth came another string of lies,

I can’t stand the person you’ve become,
I wonder how something so tiny could bring along so much pain,
What Id give to wash away all your sins with a little bit of rain,

The last time you were at my house you promised you were clean,
But your words were slurred, and I could tell reality was less serene,

You fell asleep on my bed within minutes of arriving, I desperately wanted to believe that you were just tired, that this was a result of a year long battle finally won,

I told you I was proud of you,that I loved you, sent you on your way, but in my heart I knew, this war wasn’t done,

Two days later your aunt flushed a bag of pills down the toilet while you cried in the garage,
She gave you your life savings and told you to get lost,
Not because she doesn’t love you, but because she’s tired of the lies,
She doesn’t want to see the child she raised, slowly die in front of her eyes,

That day I knew I’d truly lost my best friend,
You’re living on borrowed time,
I pray every day that you overcome this,
All while knowing it’s close to the end,
If only the judge had ordered you into rehab when you got that DUI,
Maybe then we’d be celebrating your 90 days,
Instead of drying our eyes,

Opioids stole our friendship,
Please don’t let it steal your life,
I don’t have room in my closet for another black dress,
I don’t have room in my heart to fit the grief of another overdosed friend,
Please if there is a god, send her a helping hand,
Because I’ve tried everything I can think of to keep her from ending up in your land,
And honestly I think you have enough angels right now,
don’t take her from us yet,
I promise we will make it up some how,
And lord if you can lend us strength while you’re at it I’d appreciate the gesture,
I don’t know if I can take another broken promise or another “ I don’t need to go to rehab lecture”,

If only getting clean was as easy popping pills,
If only loving someone with an addiction didn’t leave me with constant chills,
If you’d have told me that by my mid 20’s half my friends would be dead or dying,
I’d have rolled my eyes and told you to stop lying,
But I guess we are all dying- you’re just dying faster than I am.

They’ll check your wrists,
But not your thighs,
They’ll check your smile,
But not your eyes
They’ll avoid the truth,
Believe the lies,
Nothing to sooth,
No reason to cry,
Our smiles are bright,
Eyes are a bit dull,
Wrists are clean despite,
The blade with an emotional pull,
And we’re emotionally unstable,
But they say that’s okay,
We are all a bit of a riddle,
But that’s the only thing we can convey,
And the world will open to swallow us up,
But that’s okay, at least our habits remain,
And when their arms finally open up,
We will show them the reflection they taught us to shame,
So we paint a smile with the color of red,
From the thighs they didn’t check,
And from our eyes we bled.
And they'll only understand,
When the noose hold us by our necks,
And if they had thought twice,

Maybe our eyes they would have checked.