you didn't tell me to shed my skin..

peel off  all my insecurity's
all my faults
all the retired parts this world has broken inside of me
and plaster them onto a depressed collage of memories
and photographs


you didn't tell me to make sense of all the depression in my head
fight all of my demons in one on one combat
so I could put it on paper for you to read
but I did..
I fought wars to see you smile
Tried to tackle your fears and pain
just to hear that laugh of yours
but I wasn't enough
I've never been enough
not for me
not for you  
not for anyone.


I shed all of me when I stepped out of my clothes for you.

my heart was stitched into every part of skin
that you touched
and every part of me that you made alive again with the dance of your fingers


i didn't just take off my clothes
i clipped my wings for you..
i had so many chances to fly but i didn't
i had so many reasons to break down but i didn't
and
i would rather have my heart broken a million times then to break a single one the way you did.
and you know what? it's okay if you don't want me anymore.. its okay if your friends make fun of me
or if you make jokes about what we were
(you always were good at that)
or who i am
who i was
what i was
to be honest, you've ****** me dry of feeling
and
pretty much
robbed me of emotion
altogether
but its alright, really
there's a beauty in so much self hate
and
being so ugly
so worthless
so ******* disgusting.
and
maybe someday
one day
i wont think of your insufferable face
&
i'll finally have a reason to live for me
instead of everyone else.

They say we are what we eat
and I've been feeding off your pity
for the past forty-eight weeks,
so I'm feeling sorry for me
being stuck so far from the city
of spring, and its cold streets.

My eyes are dilated
so I turn my back to the beam of light
shining so ******* bright
through my windows at night,

although a tad belated
I now know the shape of regret
is outlined on the curtain set
in a shadowy Silhouette.