She is an atlas
her eyes deepest
and darkest Africa

Unfolded I hold her
tracing the source
of her diamonds and gold

In search of the motherload.

It kills me to think of your innocence
In how you loved everything
In your belief that everyone was good
Then I barged into your life
Ruined you in ways unimaginable
I swear I loved you but I couldn't show it
I tried to tell you I was broken
But this pride wouldn't allow me

I can't apologize and I can't console you
I restrain myself from trying to see you
You'll move on and everything will be okay
The memory of me will be nothing more
Then a blemish on your perfect skin
My perfume will no longer intoxicate you
It'll blend with your scent and attract everyone
You'll find someone deserving of your love

I will cover every part of my body in shame
Hiding the scars left by your loving touch
Strands of my hair that twirled on your finger
Grey every day losing their pigment
I can smell you everywhere I go
Like a stain that set and cannot be removed
Your whispers of promises and happiness
Are now haunting voices driving me insane

I'll continue to be made of rotting material
With a memory of love I never deserved
You'll be this glorious human being
Who realized never to settle for the worst

I built a magic time machine
I tinkered through the night
I erected it with art and skill
I knew I had it right!

Off I went on this fun flight
In my bubble made of gloss
I saw the future and the past
Then found that I was lost!

I saw the moments where I'd failed
I'd hurt my loved ones dear!
I saw the future bleak and dark
And viewed it with great fear

I tried to change the things I'd done
And found that I could not!
I practiced on the future, too
Was frozen to the spot!

I found the present compromised
Came back to my square bed
The empty place between my ears
The space inside my head

I learned a precious lesson
All that I can say
Is once you're off in time machines

You're vacant from TODAY!



SoulSurvivor
(C) 1/31/2016

I used to think about her
When I masturbated in
The shower.
She was my girlfriends
Best friend
She was petite
With the fattest ***
I've ever seen
On a 100 lb. white girl.
And when my girlfriend left me
The white girl called a few days later.
She came over one night
And I undressed her
And she had these long cutting scars
Climbing up horizontally
On the side of each thigh.
And as I looked down at my naked self,
There were cigarette burns and a stab wound, and the time I made a cross on my knee with a broken ashtray.
It was beautiful.
Two scarred humans
Lying in bed
Making love.
That night she licked the disgusting stab wound
On my shoulder
Then asked
"Can I cut you, baby?"
"Sure" I said.
I am always fascinated by the numbness
Alcohol produces.
And she hacked away at me.
Then she carved a heart into my arm
And I carved one into her thigh
But hers didn't scab up as well as mine.
Then we fell asleep drunk
In each others arms.
Blood and love and *** and loneliness
All mixed up in the bed.
I used to ******* to her in the shower
Before all of that happened.
Maybe that's what made it so hard
When she left me.

I know we are different
you and I.
you chasing everywhere
me standing perfectly still.
you move about your world
so different from mine.
your dreams are tainted
blue from the sky.
you are so close to the sun.
Yet I know how grounded I am
perhaps too close
to the roots of green earth.
I know you scare me.
but I will swallow my fears
like a pill.
and climb onto your flight.
we will soar upon
thermals from heaven.
Gliding like gracefull swallows.
And if ever I should fall
I will look into the
vastness of space.
And know that
I have been there
and it was you
who took me

we are here
to bless                                
restore                    ­                                                              

the broken
holy
whole

mold
peace
from chaos

cradle
vulnerability
with devotion

let our love
be absolute            
unfettered

asking nothing
but to freely
speak