*******, and it's definitely past afternoon.
I need a better motivation than coffee
and people possibly leaving me alone.
I slept in my clothes
and smell like fire.
Ignition- I need to
ignite something.
I'm scared
of drugs though. Talk about
drugs; even a prescription.
We were making sense once.
My face has melted like butter
into the flannel sheets
and pillow
cases. Be awake for what?
Dreaming lucidly but
unaware- just like real life?
I don't think I've woken up.
I just have coffee in me now.
I've been on both feet.

Its sad really
Because the only reason I haven't killed myself yet
Is because I don't want to hurt anyone
But the reason I want to **** myself is because everyone is hurting me

i cant drown my demons,

theyll only come back.

i find it quite sad that the only thing stopping me from beng who i wish to be is a certain sequence of numbers.

numbers seem to have more power over people than any god or government-

this world was built-

and will burn-

because of numbers.

bank account statements cause stalemates between myself and my ambitions-

I am chained and restrained by my credit score, cruelly kept from exploring distant shores.

men slay their fellow man without a second thought

for a fat stack of cash and thoughts of what could be bought.

John Lennon imagined a world with nothing to **** or die for
no posessions too

but money is the cruel hand that tears that dream in two.

for as long as the concept of money
is the fire that drives men's hearts to beat

we will never truly see peace,
living at the mercy of the balance sheet.

I fished a box from the bottom of my closet
The box I have used and reused
(For quite some time)
(For the same enough reasons)
For I have nothing more left

I placed three of your shirts
(Same scent since you last wore it)
(Same scent since I last used it)
Two of which I have altered for my figure
One which reminds me of your sweat, your body, your fervor

As much as it pains me,
I need to give up the ones that lingered the most too.
A book for every special occasion
A novel for every month, for every day
I wanted to keep the memories (but not you)

I stacked Percy Jackson, Amy and Roger.
I piled Riggs, Clare and Seth Baumgartner.
I sealed the words that once got me through
(The days without you)
I’m giving them all back, so you’d know how it feels too.

I peeled our smiles, the kisses and hugs, the happy days
(Which we used to have)
I removed our photos from my collage
I deleted you from my camera
And I’m returning (our love) the products of your films to you.

I kept one. One photograph to remind me
Of how much I have loved and lost.
I kept one. To forever have this memory
Of how much love we had.
I kept one. (To remind me never to come back)

I untangled the bracelet, the necklace and the ring.
I have spent my minutes treasuring them.
But my time spent is enough.
Now, this will be yours to have.
To remind you (too) to never come back.

Clouded mind
Cant think straight
Id do anything
To lift this weight

Throbbing head
Muscles weak
the air around me
Harbours a vile reek

Convulsing insides
burning eyes
Please let this torure end
Passing out nigh