If you're happy alone, you'll be happier together....!
There's no type of affection that can fill the void in a person who doesn't love themselves already.
There's no independence in dependency.
There is no personal security in attaching yourself to a secure person.
Until you have a healthy relationship with yourself, you won't make healthy decisions about someone else....!

I suppose I should be happy,
My God gave me a blessing by taking away my blessing,
The blessing I was so confused about.
My dear, my precious Firdous.

I suppose I must be happy,
Every inch of my brain is telling me to be happy,
But why is there a ringing in my ears;
And so much weight on my chest,
It's so **** aggravating.

I suppose I could be happy, except that I;
I demand silence,
I demand peace,
I demand anything but to feel like this-
Worthless, insignificant, trash.

I suppose I am happy,
To be the puppet of a universe filled with
So much standard anomalies...
That the universe did not curse me to ****** my own kin...
that I didn't curse my precious with a life...

Oh the little things we tell ourselves to make it easier to live for another day,
Oh but I suppose, I suppose its necessary.
It's **** necessary.

Goodbye my precious. ♡

-fir.m

What does it take to be good enough?

Anybody?


I'm so tired of not being good enough..
Tired tired tired..  😭

My fiery red heart is in the darkness
Its beat is suffocating, it’s almost breathless
As every second goes by, it slows easily
And with it every cell, every atom cries for help, warily.
It’s fighting so hard every day and every minute for its survival
But I can’t help but feel even demise seems like a better call;

Oh dear hands of relentless agony,
release my heart, return my sanity.
Oh great hands that own me,
return the good part of life ever so willingly.
I'll go along my way, away from you,
Away from this tension to anything and everything new,
Anything that’ll replace this suffocating pressure!
Anything that’ll release me from this trap laid for me to suffer!

Oh tight grips of confinement, please,
From this disgusting displeasure- put me at ease.
Allow me the privilege to feel anything other than this
TORTURE, SADNESS, PAIN, I beg- open your fists.

Oh Great hands that tugs my fiery red heart,
Return it to me before I lose all my colour to this dark.
I plead to you Oh Great Hands that possess me;
Open your fists, release your grip, gently put me down and gracefully leave me be...
For everything and anything outside your existence isn’t that bad.
I just want returned to me all the innocence I once had.

Oh Great Hands of unhappiness, what do you want from me?
Have I not given you enough? What more could you possibly need? Love, maybe?
But I will never love you.
I can never love you.
I refuse to ever love you.
Oh great hands of antagonizing pain,
I’ll never see the true beauty of this life if you keep me this chained.

What is that? Your words aren't very clear!
Tell me if it's right- the words that I hear;
"Oh my precious, it is you who is the beholder of this chain.
It is you who’s holding on to something without healthy gain.
These grips have long released you from this displeasure ,
Oh my darling, it is you who is refusing to be free, refusing closure!"

Oh Great Hands that had me, return and bind me into this darkness where we once played,
bind me to you so at least I have someone to blame for this weight that never seems to fade.
Oh Great Hands that opened their fists, hold on to me and take me away from this world,
it’s not as beautiful as I thought, take me away and hide me like a pearl.
I swear I’ll not complain anymore, I swear I’ll not fight you, I swear I’ll love you.
I swear I’ll love you and all the pain you come with ever so blue.

Oh Great Hands, I beg you, please save me-----

From myself...

-fir.m

The breeze flew effortlessly between us
and I begged for it to be enough or even just
enough to pull me with my everything apart from you.
With my toes in the sand that seems so blue
I refuse to allow my eyes to meet yours
afraid that in your dark galaxy I see her
and afraid that my eyes will scream the lullaby
of just how much your name means to me.

I’m trembling to the thought of you
knowing how much of my heart you’ve wooed
for many years it was in your deathly grasp
and for many years I’ve maintained this mask.
I’ve kept my vulnerability safe for so long
away from your knowledge was where it belongs
simply because I’m afraid of how small I’ll become
of how insignificant I’ll be to a heart that was so numb.

I don’t want to seem irrelevant on your end
for I was a good friend, a great friend
and it aches me to allow you to see
that the good friend, the great friend I seem to be
was only a camouflage I used to keep
my love, my desire, my everything hidden deep
deep away from you for I refuse to be like one of them;
the pets you treat with little to no respect but thinks they’re all gems.

What does it take to be a gem in your life?
Does it take a threat; with a pen, a gun or a knife?
Or does it take laying bare aside you not giving you a hard time?
Paying for all your lies with every feeling, every desire and every dime?
Pretending to be a fool like all your pets, and hope just hope…
That one day you’ll reward me for all the pain that I’ve coped?
A good friend, a great friend isn’t enough for me anymore
play the pet, buy the lies, **** the modesty, become the *****?

-fir.m