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You asked me to hold you.
I held you.
You asked me love you.
I loved you.
You asked if I would leave you.
I said never.
You cried for me.
I cried for you.
Yet our words meant different meanings.
He asked me what is wrong with me, and this was my reply.
“It takes me weeks to finish an assignment, and I do not know why.”
I do not understand why all I seem to know how to do is cry,
I don’t even know why all I have the energy to do is think about how to die.
I don’t understand the way to love, like all those cool kids might,
And I do not have a plan for who I want to lay here by my side.
In a bed I’m trapped and in a bed I’ll forever be forced to reside
For walking tires me and I seem to have lost my confident stride.
You looked a little mad  when you asked me why I cried,
And all I said was, “You know what? I don’t even know why.”
I don’t have an answer to why I so badly want to die.
Because my life is good, this is something I cannot deny.
In school I am happy, I’m just a little shy,
But if you were me, wouldn’t you go about life with a sigh?
My life is average, I’ve barely suffered enough to earn the right to cry,
So all that’s left for me to do is ask the world “Why?”
I have lost all my young confidence, I’m not even close to being spry,
My mother said shut up, and I so sadly did comply.
My room has turned into a sort of depressing pigsty,
With monsters in the corner judging me, saying I’m the bad guy.
With mine a broken wing, I am a butterfly,
Unable to go about life without rules to abide by
Rules that tell me how high I’m allowed to fly,
Or what predators to avoid, they see me as a bull’s eye
So I am sorry if I have no answer as to why,
For I have no reason for you, I only have a lie.
“I am fine.”
I’m in so much pain right now,
God I feel so drained right now,
I do not know my name right now,
I should have been well-trained by now.

I can't help it,
But I miss you,
Just the things,
We used to do,
The way it was,
Just us two.

I can't help it,
I miss you,
I will be
Thinking of you,
I’m not sure why...
I still,
Sometimes do,
Of those
Special memories,
Of just us two.

I can t help it,
But, I miss you,
I want to really;
Missing you,
Because; it hurts,
From; Thinking of
All the things,
We couldn’t do,
When it was,
Just us two.

I can't help it,
I miss you,
Why is it so hard to,
Missing you?
I know that, this is,
What I need to do,
Just to be,
able to,
Move forward,
Just us two.

I can't help it,
I miss you,
I wonder when,
I’ll just;
Thinking of you,
The good memories,
Of what we,
Use to do,
From the moments,
Have been treasured,
When it was,
Just us two.

I can’t help
Missing you,
I just do,
Just us two.

© By HF – Whisper
I cant rely on my heart
It tells me to stay withya
I said you were a bad person
But so am I for leading you on
Heaven sent, whirlwind of events
We never got to the birthdays
I dont trust you I dont think I ever will
But I still remember when we listened to music, oh dear
You were more than just a friend
I enjoyed your company but your tank was empty
And your windows were clear
The anxiety got near
Thinking someone could find out
I dont wanna live like that
I have no other way
Please dont come back
But hold my hand tonight
I might wanna kiss you and thats alright
Please dont keep track of all the times I've changed my mind
Im not unstable, Im just sad
I have all these doubts eating me up
Are you the one?
But Im never gonna find you
You are the picture that paints 998 words because ‘I’m sorry’ just isn’t in your vocabulary
I dont even know dude
My entire life,
I have been waiting.
For years,
Almost two decades now
I have been waiting.
For the better parts.
For the “soon”.
For my life to begin.
I don’t feel like I have lived.
In the nearly twenty years
I have been alive
And breathing
I do not feel
In any of those years
That I have been alive.
I don’t feel like a single breath
That I have taken
Has been real.
I feel as if
All these years
I’ve been stuck
Behind a window
Watching as my life unfolds
Before me.
I feel that
I have had
Zero control.
That I am in the backseat
Letting someone else drive.
That someone else,
Is writing on the pages
Of MY life.
But no more.
I will break that window,
I will take that wheel,
And I will write
My own pages.
My life has begun,
And now -
I’m in control.
Yesterday, April 8th, was my birthday. I wrote this poem two years ago, when I was 19 almost 20, and on my 22nd birthday I find that the website selected it as a daily and I have all these wonderful people saying wonderful things about my poetry. Thank you Hello Poetry, and thank you everyone else. This was the best birthday present I could have even gotten. (04/09/2021)
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