Firdous was what I wanted to name a daughter I hoped to bear,
After marrying the most perfect man and making myself the most perfect wife,
In a nice house with walls that springs delight and
With many specialized rooms only waiting for the memories I hoped for us to make.

Only to find myself in the lavatory within the office,
With a pregnancy test that glows happy with positive,
And I should be happy,
I know I should be -for I may finally be able to bear my precious Firdous,
Oh precious precious Firdous.
But with what husband?
With what house? with what walls of Delight?
And with which rooms to fill with her laughter and tears and....

What do I do? Dear lord what do I do?
Do I ****** my chance of this happiness?
Do I ****** the bliss of the future I dream of?
Or do I disappoint my mother- the one who bore me?
Do I choose to bring my precious in a world I'm yet to figure?
And I'm yet to find my place in?
Should I curse my baby with the burden of having no father?
Should I curse myself with the burden of a child that could suffer?
Because of having a mother that failed to provide efficiently?
What do I do dear lord?
Should I condem myself to hell or should I condem my beautiful baby-
unborn and unnamed,
to the hells of this world as an illegitimate with miserable likes of a mother like me.

-fir.m ♡