She kisses the boys and girls
that pay the most attention.
The boys play with vapor
and her girls play with tension.
I wish I was the only one
that she will decide to touch
but I am who I am
and, in a way, that is too much.

Sawblade-sunflower petals
wrap around an earthy cushion,
and the humidity hangs in the air
as her beige body is crumpled
and I feel too sober, pushing.

Baby yellow falls apart,
in her hair the flower starts
to trickle onto sheet and pillow,
decorating the absences
that define how hollow
she and I have felt before --
******* like an endangered species
on the killing floor, I whisper once,
I whisper sweet, "Don't you wish
that we didn't meet?"

She kisses the boys and girls
that give the most attention.
I played with vapor
and she played with tension.

I  wish that today, I could
demonstrate;
reciprocate
everything you once gave to me;
your blue-eyed glance,
your firm grasp on my hand, &
your love
is still worth 1000 poems
& I'm so sorry
that I cannot
illustrate
that through more than just
these few
short
lines.

I've got a lot in my head.
a lot of you, maybe.
i'm trying hard
not to fall too hard for you.
we've been this way before.
oh, i'm sure you know--
your eyes need validation.
this desolation that I get
from looking at you
looking at someone else
is terribly inconsistent.
you said, "i'd love for us to spend a night together."
oh, darling, if only you knew.

You're on your way home
and i've always wanted
to take you.
I know I'm not
your type of guy
but this is my type of disaster
so, i hope you kind of want to take me, too.
take me to hell, maybe
'cause that line sounds preposterous
and pretentious
at the exact same time--
but not really.
it all comes down to, "do you believe in it?"
and i believe in you,
and in love,
and in coincidence
and in the idea of chasing you
'cause that's all i can ever hope for.
you're all i can ever hope for.

I've got a lot in my head.
a lot of you, maybe.
honestly, i have fallen.
yes, too hard, for you.
and love found me too soon.
i hope it didn't yet
'cause right now
i'm half fixed, half broken
and always out of tune.
like the moon, you'll always find
your way back
and that scares me
'cause i'm not the one you'll go back to.
i'm not even the one
you took a chance with.
i'm not anyone.

I'm on my ****** way home.
and i begin to daydream
on how we'll spend that night together
if it ever comes in touch with reality.
and if it will ever make a difference,
i'll just put this out here
so you'll know:
i love you.
that's right, darling,
i'm starting to.

I am still so in love with the person I thought you could be that I forgot to fall in love with who I've become without you.