Sometimes it's so hard, to breathe past the thoughts in my head,
And sometimes it's hard to imagine my story's end,
And no one quite knows that I want the same thing,
As everyone else, everyone who's supposedly sane,
And so I wish with all my heart through my insanity,
To have a good ending, and a bed surrounded by family,
A smile playing at the corner of my lips,
So because of this time and again, when I crawl and I slip,
I keep going even though it's getting harder to take a breath,
To even contimplate taking one more step,
but I keep moving, yes I keep moving,
Even when ahead there's nothing,
But...

Pain is a motivation just like joy,
You put out your bowl and you ask for more,
Because feeling something,
Is better than nothing,
Or so I tell myself every day,
That I can smile through the pain,

So for my Mom and my Dad, I'll live today,
Despite all the hurt and the shame,
Shame for all the things I have yet done,
Because let's face it, I'm kind of a ***,
I sit on my couch writing woe is me poems,
And yet no body quite seems to know it,
but I still fight to try to climb out of the pit,
Of despair I've seem to dug myself in,
I try and I try with dirt under my nails,
And even though on the outside all I do is fail,
Well that's okay because I'll pick myself up,
And quietly think, I can do this even though it's rough,
So...

Pain is a motivation just like joy,
You put out your bowl and you ask for more,
Because feeling something,
Is better than nothing,
Or so I tell myself every day,
That I can smile through the pain,

The greatest suffering
Isn't the suffering itself
But the pain that comes
When it ends
And we know not
Who we are without it

a withered husband,
failed by life
tells me the story
that keeps him
up at night-

thrown in jail
for showing his face
in a white neighbourhood
after light

while he was being
waterboarded for
his tardiness, his
wife was being
sodemised by
men in uniforms,
trashing their shack
and leaving her with a
child with blue eyes

-he was left with
ptsd and an infant
that was birthed
out of a crime

he now awaits for an
apocalyptic flood
to take him out of his
grief knowing that the
love of his life went
through hell knowing
he could’ve protected
her from such demise

he now screams to
the sky asking his
cancer-freed rib and
his adopted son
who left him in this
prison - where is
his rope or knife.

-t.m

a sluggish but proud zulu man
stopped me in my trek to no-
where as my fingers searched
for a grip in the dehydrated sou-
thern sand. he held a leather-bound
book with the words “the holy bible”
struggling to stay embedded. befitting
resemblance of the seminar he gave me;
scuffling through testimonies and biblical
verses that lead into various explanations
which were suspected. i asked him if he
believed anything he had just said. he
confessed, he’d been questioning
everything he had memorised and read.
he guided me into a tangent about
his distain for the greedy and the
need for the restoration of his ancestors
land. i asked why black people get
massacred when we articulate our
desire for economic empowerment and grass.
he listed to me everything which he was
taught was wrong with the indigenous
people, which, supposedly, justified the past.
i stopped him in his own trek through self-hate,
anguish and pity and i said this to him,
“if you change the way black people think,
you change the way white people get money...”

-t.m

I waited for you.
For years now
I've been waiting
Putting love aside
In case you arrived
Today, though,
Was the last time
I got to wait around.

You lost your health
Your liver, your life
You chose crystal
Over me, over you
Over everything
You ran out of time
Life couldn't wait.

I saw the first
While I was full
I emptied myself
To fill him up
I saw the second
While I was empty
I emptied him
To fill myself up

I'm so afraid
That I hurt you.
I'm more afraid
That I didn't.

I wish I was a color
A color to define me
Not one to make me duller
But one to make me shine

Yellow
Bright and contagious
Always ready with a hello
Center of attention
Joy so outrageous

Red
Bold and loud
Confident but a little proud
Embraces people with love
Some say they're from above

Green
Healthy and ready to act
Zealous but has room to grow
Peacefully pleasant
Just like a birthday present

Some say I'm white
But really I'm black and blue
Life is full of colors
But it'll leave its mark

I long to be a good color
One to bring joy
I don't know how though
Sometimes my head pounds
Pounds at the pressure of color

I guess I'm color blind