Hidden behind this mask that I wear
I play a part that is filled with despair.
Lovely Juliet is the part that I play
And dear Romeo is for whom that I pray.

Endlessly my Romeo follows and courts me
Yet when I grow close he turns 'round to flee.
I fall on the ground and bow my head to weep
My strength is taken, and so I turn again to sleep.

Yet my Romeo is not an ordinary man,
And yet I chase after him again and again.
My Romeo is more of an idea or thought.
Perfection is him, and that's what I've besot.

I chase after perfection day after day
Yet I lose it when I try to be my own way.
Is death the only route that will achieve me perfection?
And not have the ongoing need for correction?

My death is inevitable  now that I know
How to get to my goal on the road I will go.
I try to fall, and yet I don't succeed.
I try to cut my lifeline, but mistakes are what I bleed.

So I try to again in my quest to fall
An attempt again to end it all.
Eventually, perfection is what I achieve
Finally are my Romeo and I to be grieved.

I am stuck
In a maze of empty corridors
Lined with a thousand mirrors
Distorted and evil
And all staring at me.
When I look into the first mirror,
I do not see myself.
I see a malformed human
Staring back at me.
Ugly.
Fat.
Unlovable.
With blue pools of sadness
That well up
And drip tears of helplessness.
I am scared.
So I run.
But I stop a few mirrors down
Because I see another girl
with bruised skin
And cut cheeks.
She has been beaten.
But by whom?
I am scared.
So I run.
But again I am distracted
By another girl.
She sits alone, naked.
With wrists that are red
And thighs that drip the same.
She has been cut.
But by whom?
I am scared.
So I run.
I want to leave.
But the exit eludes me.
I start to panic;
I don't know what to do.
So I sit down
And cry.
But I hear a voice
Calling out my name.
So I run towards it.
But it's dark.
It's so dark.
Where is this person?
I run past another mirror,
And there is yet another girl
Who looks just like me
But happier.
Prettier.
Loved.
She is the one calling my name.
She wants to help me,
And yet she can't reach me
Through these mirrors I've created
For myself.
I am unreachable.
So I walk away
And, seeing an empty mirror,
I climb in,
And I am transformed into
A malformed self-image of a girl
Who has been beaten by her thoughts
And carved by her own hand.
And I want to go back.
I am scared.
So I try to run.
But I can't.

I am stuck in this hell I've made for myself.

Outside you see me smiling
And floating through each day.
A little tired, a little thin
But overall, okay.

But you don't hear my anguished thoughts
That surface every night.
They plague me, haunt me, torment me
'Til I'm too weak to fight.

And so next day I come to school
With deeply shadowed eyes.
I smile, laugh, and speak on cue-
Living a life of lies.

A silent scream echoes inside
Reaction to my lie.
'Til with no warning it erupts,
And I crumble down and cry.

Come find me! Help me! Make it stop!
No! Keep out! Go away!
For if you come I've no control
Over the words I say.

Someday I might tell someone
Or maybe I just won't.
Please, someone just help me understand...

God only knows I don't.

How could she do that to herself.
her collarbones almost popping out of her skin
because she is a skeleton already
her ribcage a tally of the meals she has skipped
one, two, three, four, too many to count
her hipbones protrude like shards of glass
shattered like her self esteem
thighs that no longer touch
calves miles apart
gaps on her body
gaps between meals

her head is a mixed up land
with broken mirrors all around
her friend ana reflected in the shards
she is so familiar with these eating habits they have a name
ana ana ana ana ana
runs through her brain
the calorie counter in her head runs
is an apple worth it anymore?
skip dinner
wake up thinner
pretty girls do not eat.

her body is brittle
she looks like she could break with a touch
but she is already broken inside
the fight is over
she knows it too
she is fading away.

how could i do this to myself.

I am a poet who writes of my pain
I am a child who lives in shame
I am a teenager suffering from depression
I am a sister trying to make a good impression
I am an actress on a castle on a cloud
I am a daughter trying to make them proud
I am a student who doesn't have a clue
I am the girl sitting next to you
I am a person wishing they'd care
I am your friend, hoping you'll be there.

The pressure’s building up
I feel like soda that’s been dropped.
I feel like I’m about to explode
And I know that soon I’ll pop.

I know what’s about to happen
And I need to escape this room.
Where I go, I don’t know.
But I need to flee the impending doom.

I need to get to the clinic.
There I know I’ll be fine.
They always knows what to do;
But can I make it in time?

But no, it’s too late.
My soda bottle has blown.
I am no longer able to move, for
The seed of anxiety has grown.

Now I’ve collapsed, and
My rational side has died.
I can’t handle this-make it stop!
My strength is again being tried.

All the techniques I’ve memorized
Have completely flown my mind.
All the things I have prepared
Are suddenly unable to find.

“Don’t forget to just breathe!”
Ah, yes, the mantra of those “helpful” ones.
Well, here’s a newsflash for you-
Being told that helps NONE!

My lungs are overworking now,
And my heart is beating fast.
And every single breath I take
I fear it might be my last.

My hands have spiders in them.
My brain has gone offline.
My vision’s getting foggy;
Please- just don’t pass out this time.

My mind is leaving my body
And it’s floating freely in air.
I’m no longer able to feel anything
Please help me; I’m so scared.

Now I’m descending back to my body
And I can feel every atom around me.
It’s too much-make it stop!
Why can’t anybody hear my plea?

Luckily I calm down
Before my monster gets his way.
He’s returning back to hiding now
But I know he’ll soon come back to play.