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Empire May 2020
I'm happy for you
Really, I mean it
There's nothing that I need more
Than to know you're doing alright

But I just... I can't help it...

Within the privacy of my own mind
I remind myself
That I will never have that kind of happiness
I will never get to live like that
And I want it so badly
I can't take it away from you
By letting you in on what I'm feeling
It would seem that some of my favorite people are doing quite well for themselves. Truly, I'm glad for them, but I am reminded of the emptiness inside me that I don't expect to ever be able to fill.
Empire May 2020
I always turn this hate to myself
Because it’s easier I suppose
To just believe I’m ****
Than to face the possibility
That I’m suffering
That I’ve been damaged
By the ones I thought loved me

It’s so ******* hard to fight
The programming in your mind
When you’ve been raised
Playing games for love
Never knowing acceptance
Being stripped of privacy
Your mother telling you
Your tears are an embarrassment
Ridiculing your emotions

So instead
You hide
You learn to sob in silence
You learn to hate yourself
Because it couldn’t be them...
They couldn’t hurt you
They love you

... right?
Empire May 2020
I take care of all of you
I make sure you’re all okay
And part of that job
Requires me to say,
“I’m fine”
When I know
You don’t have it in you
To take care of me
Or perhaps I know I’m a lost cause and just want to take care of you as long as I’m still around...
Empire May 2020
Everything is cold
Covered in blankets
I feel I ought to see my breath
But the ice is inside me
Freezing the blood in my veins
Stopping my heart
Numbing me from the inside out
I can’t move
Can’t think
And when I do
It’s about my end
Empire May 2020
I’m an addict
It’s obvious

It’s in the way I drink
Desperately pouring into my gut
To finally let a smile grace my lips
To mask my constant pain

It’s in the things I do at night
Phone in one hand
The other reaching down
Endlessly searching for another wave
Just one more moment of bliss
Before I go back to reality

It’s in the way I swallow my pills
Trying to will them to be stronger
Begging each extra tablet
To be just a little too much

It’s in the emptiness of my soul
The numbness of my heart
The agony in my head
And the recklessness of my spirit
I know it’s inside me
A few years and you’ll see
It’ll be quite obvious
I’m an addict
Empire May 2020
I’d love to feel something

Anything
Empire May 2020
I hate love
I know I’m bitter
I’m alone
What do you expect?
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