A flash of silver,
A touch of steel.
I hold my breath as it makes me feel.

A stinging pain,
Oh, how I swore I'd never do it again.
A crimson line,
One more,
One more,
And one last time.

Pulling down the sleeves,
Smiling to please.
Feeling numb.

Wishing to hurt,
Wishing to cry,
Wishing to scream.
Why?
I'm tired of telling myself
"One last time."

She looks around to see if there's anyone watching her.She quickly runs to the bathroom with tears filling her eye. The flashbacks are back again of what she used to call love. She locks herself in one of the bathroom and quietly the tears pour out, too oblivious to the pain she's feeling inside.
Out she pulls her only comfort, her friend and her relief. The blade so sharp digs into her skin cutting, cutting away the heavy thoughts, the nightmares, the fear, the pain she refuses to face yet she knows the blade she cuts with is her only protection from them.
The blade is there to take all the pain away, slowly , surely she lies to herself.
Her cuts deepen without her realising or thinking about the immense dripping of blood.
Suddenly it all disappears, the pain slowly fades away, her blade, her friend has fulfilled its job once again.
Its all over she say.

He's so happy without me.. What did I do to deserve to be all alone like this? I did my best.. but that wasn't enough for him.. Why though? What else did he want from me? My money.. My whole life? What does he want from me!? He just seems so happy without me.. Can someone explain this tragdey to me.. What the hell could I've done better? But somehow I'm happy for him while I die slowly of this never ending pain... Just someone anyone.. Tell me what I did to deserve this..

I am a person with a past,
Yeah there are moments I'm not proud of, but they're my mess ups
I could give you excuse after excuse as to why I can't move on but that's all they'll ever be, excuses
It doesn't make any sense to sit here and write this but every moment until now has shaped me,
These moments have defined me
No, they aren't finalizing the person I am to become but I'm a shade darker because of them

I am a person with a past,
With each shade I get closer to being the person I'm meant to be,
I am both the canvas and the artist, this is my story
I was told I'd amount to nothing, and I believed them
With every fiber of my being I refuse to believe this
My failures aren't my future,
Yesterday is a mere memory, and tomorrow hasn't been painted, the only thing that matters is right now,
This moment is all I've got

My past is in the past,
I am no longer the person I used to be
I've grown, believe it or not,
The artist in me wants more, the stars have been aligned and the universe has called out my name

I refuse to let these mistakes follow me,
I chose the path less traveled, the narrow and gold
My past is in the past

Yes we all have a past and there things that we've done that we wish we could take back,
But that doesn't mean we stop living
NO! We keep going, moving forward and fighting,
We fight for what's ours, we fight for a better tomorrow
Your canvas is barley covered and your life has just begun,

So you see, I am a person with a past, present and future,
This story isn't over it's only just begun
I've got this one life to live and I'll live it to the fullest

Where were you, you little *******?
Where were you hiding
As I turned out the lights last night?

Were you in the closet as I came into the bedroom?
Did you seep like a flood
Across the floor in the darkness
Rising up the leg of the bed
And into my ears like liquid toxic waste?

Were you under the pillow
And as my fingers slid under there
Between the crisp, smooth layers of white cotton?
Did you coil about my fingers
And up my arm
To spread over my scalp
All fuming-acid corrosive?

Were you in under the folds
Of the welcoming, white-striped comforter
As we turned in after a perfectly pleasant day?
Waiting, still, in the dark
As I pulled the blankets up taught?
And just below my chin
As the cold sheets around me warmed
To stop the just-into-bed shivers?

Did you crawl up then as I dozed
And twist around my throat
To tighten slowly until I awoke in your grip?

Where ever you were hiding,
You got the drop on me.
You turned the tiny dim lights
That peek into the room at night
Into piercing lasers.

You amplified the tiniest odours
Into dizzying, eye-watering stenches.

You traded the rising-sun's rays
As they finally pierced the curtains
After my hours of sleepless discomfort
For a blasts of neutron-bomb radiation.

Worst of all
You stole the cool, soothing side of the pillow
Every time I managed to find it
Giving me instead a sickly, warm bundle of gorse.

Where were you, you little *******?
Where were you hiding?

I do not know how to feel,
I do not know how to function,
But at least I no-longer dream,
Of serious self-destruction.

I dream of living anxiety-free,
I dream of compassion, of care,
I dream of being able to breathe,
Without choking on fresh air.