I whisper your name
Alone in my room
To feel something, sense something
Where my mind won’t let me

I grip hard at my covers
And dig my nails into my skin
To force my eyes open
See who squats under my flesh

The wind makes it hard to see
I rub violently
To make the mirror less foggy
My eyes are raw

But somewhere I can hear drums
When I stick my tongue out
To taste the rain
It’s briny

I'm clutching at my throat
Scraping at collapsing walls for remnants of oxygen
But you've already managed to satiate heated cravings
As you gorge yourself on the air in the room

**Your roar chokes me.

My reprehensible mind
       Slipped you into my dreams last night
    You were there for me
         Cared for me
               Said you were mine

     I cannot say
           I did not enjoy this dream
While it was happening
      It's been a long time
Since I've even thought about you
       But when I realized your words seemed true
    My dream took a turn
                Something morbidly new

      I said the things I wanted to say
          Instead of just saying sorry
And... "It's okay"
         I cursed and I screamed
    I put you down the way you always did me
               I broke your fragile, pathetic heart
       Tore your soul apart

             I was so cruel,
     Yet, I still never reached your level
       With what you did to me
   You'd have made friends with the devil
         I was an angel in comparison
   Enjoying my first little taste of sin

    God, how I loved watching you crumble
                    And fall
          Made me feel larger than life
To make you feel useless and small
          All the times you pushed me down
             Watched me laying,
        Crying on the ground
    I finally had my turn
          How do you like me now?

This may make me seem
         Like a terrible person
     But... I Don't Care
            My dream made me smile
       You weren't there
               You didn't see
All the terrible, painful things he did to me
      
      When I woke up,
   I was finally able to laugh at the past
           Like I never was before
     Truly Enlightening
                 A new beginning
  I'm not in pain because of him anymore
       And *I never will be again

You write so beautifully**
                *Your mind must be a twisted place

i wish i was a cigarette
you had someone else buy for you at 7 eleven
i wish i was what you wanted to fill your lungs with
i wish i was more important to you than oxygen
even if just for a moment
i wish i was the one you'd turn to when you felt alone
and i was what ran through your veins when you were alone in the dark
i wish i was as lethal as nicotine, wish you were addicted to me
i wish i was the last *** in the carton,
the one you kept tucked deep in your pocket
because you loved it so much,
didn't wanna burn it up and turn me to ashes
you just kept me close to you
and twirled me between your fingers when you got fidgety
i wish you'd ignite me and watch me burn
if it meant your happiness
but you just ******* out and a way
like smoke into the night

Relax Will Ya
              It's Only Life
Nobody Gets Out Alive