colored M&Ms spill out of the box I made for you,
sweet with memories past,
coating my tongue,
unshakeable:
Brown for the comfort of your arms,
the warmth of your committed love,
Red for the anger,
driven by my stubborn heart,
Orange for our new adventures,
road trips with music and snacks in hand,
Blue for the tears we’ve cried together,
for the ones I’ve cried since,
Green for the hope,
the future we lay out ahead,
loose-made plans and dreams combined,
Violet for the stress,
for the uncertain plans and our fragile love,
and Yellow,
Yellow for the laughter,
tears slipping out, struggling-to-breathe-happiness,
Yellow, the light you brought to me.

you brought the sticks and i packed the flint.
we lit the fire,
stood by and watched it burn.
The smoke curled over our heads,
but we didn’t choke,
too in love to see it
burn away the freshness, leave its
dark ash on the green roots.
my lungs were clear,
eyes still bright.
your hand was warm in mine
as we stared up at the night.
it was beautiful until
we were drawn back to earth.
We brought the fire
then didn’t understand when the
world burned down
around us.

bright clothes, red lips, lined eyes
heavy, rigid, unbreakable
armor.

I should cut my hair,
hair heavy with the memory of
your fingers running through it.
I should change my clothes,
so as not to think of you
taking them off
slowly while I lay
           on your bed.
I should buy new sheets,
ones without the trace of you.
I should change my music,
new sounds without the power
of bittersweet nostalgia
         sitting in the car with you.
I should replace the space in my heart,
the one that’s been reserved for you.
I should,
             I should,
                           I won’t.

I am heartless,
watch my hips sway, calling you closer,
upturned eyes blue seas that can pull you in
then turn to gray storms.
Drown in my warmth, my embrace.
Let my siren’s voice beckon you
closer to the waterfall,
let you crash among the rocks and spray
as you fall in love
with me.

I didn’t know stubborn until I saw it
in the lines of my face,
reflected in the mirror.
The dark smudges under my eyes
boast of restless nights spent
chasing you,
always waking before the moment when
our hands touch.

sometimes I willingly seek out pain,
so as not to forget the memories that are tagged with
your name.