the wine in my cup flows freely into my veins.
it slows me down, turns me sluggish,
and takes control of
my thoughts.
they turn to you,
and more wine follows to
drown it out.
Sickly sweet, like the kisses you dropped on
my cheeks, or
the cheesy notes to mark a passing holiday.
my mind is full of thoughts of you
despite my use of the best bleach
as I try to scrub it free
of you.

sometimes i wonder how my poetry would sound coming off
your lips.
you’d pair it with the strum of a guitar,
slung low, like your voice.
i want your mouth to hold each word close,
tongue tracing the emotion,
and releasing it all to the world.

you took away the light
that gave her reason to rise.
you took away the oxygen
that sat strong in her lungs.
you took away her muse,
the one that made her believe,
made her hopeful.
it’s all gone and still they ask
her to smile.

At the hands of men, I learned the lessons of life.

I first learned fear with your towering figure, explosive temper, shaking hands, and abrasive voice. The older I got, the more the words cut me, a double blow of volume and weight. The tremors of my body visible for all to see, they angered you, but I could see nothing through my blurred eyes. My head spun as my lungs forgot how to breathe and I lost myself in your anger.

Another taught me vulnerability. In the shadows of your room with your girlfriend next door, I was your puppet and you my master. You tarnished me, made me unclean. You stole from me my vulnerability, killed the me that breathed easy. At your hands, I lost myself.

And then I learned pain-at the hands of a different tutor, but at this point it’s all the same. I learned pain in the comfort of my room, cloaked in that fuzzy green blanket. I learned the kind of pain that tears through the heart and childishly demands attention at every given moment; an obnoxious nagging pain with its grating voice and quick jabs in the ribs. I learned the pain of regret, of indecision, of betrayal. Tears marked the torment of my mind, songs didn’t hit me the same. My heart was an open wound at the mercy of the elements around. I sought healing and peace, wound stitched closed, but such things leave scars. I still remember that lesson well, in your warmth and in your piercing blue eyes, I learned pain of the truest kind.

At the hands of men, I learned the lessons of life. But in my hands, that life blooms.

Kiss me with your iron lips,
cold, unyielding, rigid as your mind.
Your smoke curls down,
caresses my hips.
I smell of rain and trees
and fragrant flowers,
but when we join,
your scent is all that matters.
Harsh, coppery, it weighs on
my tongue,
harassing my senses,
and pushing me down.
We move together,
a torrid of steps,
I try to be flexible,
sway around your form.
You’re stubborn,
push me away,
make me bend to you.
I shed tears,
rivers deep enough for fish.
My cries are that of an eagle,
an owl, a hawk,
--take your pick.
Hands shaking,
broken trees never replaced.
My world is dying,
stuck under
your heavy boot,
one of rubber,
the dominance of men,
of industry and
selfish civilization
which grind away at me until
I am hurt,
beyond repair.
I am nature and you are man.

Stand underneath falling leaves,
timid rain,
let the breezes brush my face
again
to cool off the thoughts
of you.

I’ve eaten all of the sweets here
to help me forget that you’re not near.
My cup’s never empty these days,
block you out in all of the ways.
I’ve torn up my favorite letter,
shred your love to make it better,
but the tears still come down for me,
while you walk away from me free.

You’re gone, I’m unsure once more.
From when you walked out that door,
I started doing dumb ****,
to stop from wanting you more.

I’ve taken our old life apart,
torn it up just like my poor heart.
I’ll burn all of your clothes so nice,
you won’t care, your heart’s made of ice.
I need new sheets without your smell,
I miss you more than you can tell.
You’re online doing so **** fine,
the world knows you’re no longer mine.

You’re gone, I’m unsure once more.
From when you walked out that door,
I started doing dumb ****,
to stop from wanting you more.
You’ve robbed my heart of its love,
my heart cries, a mourning dove.
Alone now without your sharp eyes,
to watch over me, tall and wise.

I’ll tip over your full trash can,
making a mess is my main plan.
If you want to leave me, that’s fine,
I realize now you’re not divine.

You’re gone, I’m unsure once more.
From when you walked out that door,
I started doing dumb ****,
to stop from wanting you more.