i am a bomb.
tick tick ticking.
i am neutral as of now
who knows when i'll explode
taking everyone near me out, too.

im so sorry for all the pain
i have brought upon you.
im so sorry for always making you worry.
im so sorry for never being stable.
i know its annoying when
you have to constantly check
and double check
and triple check
that im safe
and doing as well as can be.
i know the dry replies are hard to work around.
when i don't have the mental capacity
to hold a single ******* conversation.
"yeah"
"lol"
"ok"
its hard for me, too.

im so ******* scared of being alone.
i can hardly function with the support i have,
how the **** will i do it on my own?
the answer is simple :
i wont.

i will give up on myself
just as everyone else has.
i will collapse into the dirt
moldy and rotten
a corpse of empty emotion.
and nobody will dig me up.

eyes meet
heart fleets
hands sweat
words kept
knees weak
breath tweaks
tears swell
this rings a bell
mentally drained
emotional pain
voice quivers
flowers wither
sun goes dark
dogs don't bark
leaves stop falling
you stop calling
im alone
ive never shown
heart breaks
moved states
fresh start
fresh heart
now im gone
youre not moved on
cant be platonic
its quite ironic
more than just friends
trying us again
i fall back in love
feelings fly like a dove
you make me so scared
i'm never prepared
for what you could do
nonetheless i still want you

home is where i
feel safe.

home is where i
can cry
scream
punch
and kick
without fear
of judgement.

home is where i
can be who i am
and not worry about
having to be someone else.

home is where i
can express emotion
and not feel as a burden
for letting people
into my mind.

home is what i
think of
when i think of
comfort
and warmth.

home is what i
think of
when i think of
you.

he is the light
i see in the sky
while laying on a sandy blanket
at the beach
in the night.

he is the yellow and white
twinkle in space
that i wish to float in.

he is the radiant glimmer
of joy and love
you dont need a telescope to see
[if youre lucky]

he is my starboy.