Eleasha Forster: Poems

1.2k · Nov 2015

Eleasha Forster Nov 2015

I still love you. Is that a bad thing? I can’t eat or sleep. My thoughts hallucinate at the mention of your name. I see your face. Everywhere; my dreams- you’re holding me close, and you never let go. Remembering that time we shuffled out over the desolate forest in our aging wellies- you’d squeeze my hand tighter for reassurance.

I can still feel you’re warmth condensing against my skin. But it’s beginning to fade. . And I’m lost. I’m beginning to drift away. Endlessly searching for that closure you bestowed within me. I need you. I’m lost without you by my side.

Everything seemed to erode when you’d left. The ache for forgiveness is still there and forever will be. You carved that dagger into my heart like it was funny. Like you found humor in my agony. It pierced through your azure globes as your smile widened at the excruciating pain you threw upon me. You just walked away and I shouted and I screamed;

COME BACK! COME BACK! COME BACK!

I just lay there on the ground. Numb.

You gazed deeply into my soul, robbed me from of the little purity I had left. You left me. Shattered. Broken. Unusable. You ripped out part of my heart as we said our goodbyes. And I still love you.

761 · Jan 2016

Bleak- Episode 1

Eleasha Forster Jan 2016

Bleak- Episode 1

It was the day after the funeral. The terrifying thunder pounded with an immense uproar as faith charged my decaying chariot through the hammering rain. The car jolted- tarnished gates, black as death glared over me as they drew apart. I began making my way towards my haven; away from any known civilization.

Every week I am going to be posting the next episode of this short story so I hope you tune in :) Where ever you are, I hope that you can understand. Writing keeps me surviving. I hope you can understand you are more than capable too.

#one #bleak #throwbackthursday #episode1

544 · Jun 2017

Bleak- Episode 7

Eleasha Forster Jun 2017

Bleak- Episode 7

I had become more aware of my surroundings. With my obscured vision, I trembled up the mountainous stairs, to find comfort in my divan. The wind blundered and blasted the shutters allowing shivers to roar down my spine. I drew the covers restlessly over my body. Sleep would not grace me with its presence as I tossed and turned, thrashing about the bed. Why did it feel so unwelcoming, so foreign to my touch? My eyes drifted towards the window in search of comfort. Wind cried from the heavens as the maleficent feathered silhouette made himself known. My vision began to haze as my eyes settled into the crevices of my head. I couldn’t take it anymore, the fierce gaze of the raven was too much for my heart to bear. I clambered to my feet and made my way to the kitchen, stumbling through the halls as the wine took effect. As I clung to the kitchen door-frame, there it was; my means to an end. With an unholy determination, I grabbed the pearl gripped revolver that lay on the kitchen counter besides the key to the cabinet. How it got there, I haven’t the slightest idea. I was inhibited within an ineludibly eternal oblivion.
My mind filled with hatred towards the ruffled being as my sweaty palms grasped the bronze handle that I flung open with the desire to end this misery bestowed within my soul. I had of **** it for this misery to end, I was compelled to end its life. The raven vanished as if knowing my pursuit.
This was it. Barefoot I ran, though my legs were long past exhaustion, I kept running. Trepidation had driven all other thoughts from my mind, leaving the only instinctive urge to abscond. And so I ran.

#gothic #raven #running #escaping #hiding #death #grief #alcohol #guns

483 · Feb 2016

Bleak- Episode 2

Eleasha Forster Feb 2016

Bleak- Episode 2

My mind led me to a debris of intertwined, over-arching vaults of leaf and limb- intriguing me to lurch further. Withering coils of silky willow and ash draped the scene complete with warm tones of mandarin, and molten-gold leaves of fallen autumn, crunching underneath my footsteps. There was something about this place that made me feel safe. My pulse joined the choir of nature’s untrimmed course, beating in time with the summoning downpour seeping through a canopy of lush iridescent green. The sudden perch of talons revealed the piercing sorrowed eyes of the raven stalking me from the hallowed branches.

#2 #bleak #episode #suddenperchoftalons

462 · Jun 2017

Bleak-Episode 6

Eleasha Forster Jun 2017

Bleak-Episode 6

The evening dragged on like the burning of a candlewick. My mind drew a blank page as I tried to remember what I was doing. The house felt bigger that night. I longed for him to come home complaining about the smallest things that I took for granted whilst I poured brandy into his glass and lit the fire to heat his cold hands from the blasting winter. Flick- light of the dying bulb illuminated the drawing room projecting shadows of inanimate objects onto the walls of peeling paper. An uncanny sensation churned at my gut. Trundling down the narrow corridors, I reached the kitchen, catching the eye of a half empty rouge drowning in its own sorrows. I took a sip, admiring the gleaming cabinet holding his armory, clenching to the wall. I pulled out good ol’ smith and Wesson, inspecting its little impurities. I noticed a chip in the receiver and a **** in the barrel but surely this would not hinder its performance. My mind filled with dark thoughts the longer I held the revolver, so I placed it back in the cabinet locking the door. My hands shook from the exhilarating fear that swept over my body as I raced to put the key into the drawer on the other side of the kitchen, in order to smother the malicious feelings that had seeped into my mind. Sip. The tasteless wine slipped through my lips and made its course around my hollow body. No matter how much I drank, it would never fill the black void that his love once called home.
As I held the dwindling glass, I looked around the empty shell of a room. It caught my eye, the raven sat upon my window sill, his eyes dark as night. I looked down at the rouge as if it was never ending like the river of amnesia pouring down my throat but no matter how much I consumed, the raven always seemed to be lurking among the shadows like a renegade. How did he know of my where abouts? He disappeared before I even left the woods.

#raven #return #gothic #death #wine #blood #widow #lost #fate #time #ghost #appiration

424 · Jul 2017

Bleak- Episode 8

Eleasha Forster Jul 2017

Bleak- Episode 8

My feet sloshed through the rain-filled mud as I ventured closer towards the wooded labyrinth. I was drawn to the idea of ending the raven’s era, as he cut through the sky, heading towards the all-known border. I felt that with each footstep made, a part of my world would erode. The moon bellowed, revealing my figure. Throwing caution to the way I ascended the mountain, I had to destroy this apparition for I could not take his taunting glare any longer.
Approaching the cliff-side, I could hear my lover’s voice beckoning me from beyond the grave. My sanity was fading into oblivion, madness taking its place. I watched the raven descend to the angelic statue that over looked metropolis. Gripping the revolver with a burning passion and aimed at the foul, as I pulled back the receiver and placed gentle pressure on the trigger, my lover came to me. I could see his face and a flash of desperation… I knew I needed to be with him for this life was no longer worth living. I retracted my aim and placed the barrel firmly between my lips, closing my eyes. Click. The silence had come.

#bleak #silence #death #raven #gun #life #grief #passion #trigger #desperation

395 · Dec 2016

Bleak- Episode 3

Eleasha Forster Dec 2016

Bleak- Episode 3

I reached out to the twiddled vines, clawing my way to the boarder, sighing in relief from exhaustion. My knees dropped to the ground. I shook my head-trying not to let the excruciating pain of his absence overwhelm my need to hear his voice once more. Devastated, I just couldn’t accept his last words as it dragged my mind through the depths of despair. The whole situation was desperate. My legs couldn’t keep intact with normality, shaking and tensing. My chest, I could feel it tighten under the weight of my emptiness. Feeling smothered, I gasped for even just a short breath and I couldn’t make out any words, I just couldn’t.

Sorry for not uploading in a while; life happened.

#life #jungle #bleakisthenewblack #lifeisajungle

365 · May 2017

Bleak- Episode 5

Eleasha Forster May 2017

Bleak- Episode 5

It was time to turn back and face reality. He was dead and was never coming back. I was never to see my reflection through his golden brown eyes or feel his warm tenderly kiss still softly pressed against my forehead. This truth was hard to swallow and even harder to believe. Never again would I be in his warm arms protected from the harsh world surrounding us. I would give anything to only just take a short glimpse back at the paradise we once shared for I was the happiest I had ever been, with him by my side. He was my home. My safe place; my haven.

#raven #reality #bleak #loss #widow #gothic

319 · May 2017

Bleak- Episode 4

Eleasha Forster May 2017

Bleak- Episode 4

I staggered up and stood there in melancholy- gazing aloft at the city laying among the horizon before me. It thrummed vibrations of a steady heartbeat. The lights flickered and it all fell to bleak darkness. The silence had come to grieve alongside me. I began clenching to the warmth condensing through my coat.
The presence of his reassuring touch emerged but not in human form. Closing my eyes I felt him dancing through the sharp breeze. I turned, hoping to catch a glimpse of the man I once loved. There still, sat the raven... his beady eyes ushered in a certain familiarity as his stature resembled that of the Angel of Death, engulfing an almost palpable enigma.
His lingering touch began to fade. The azure sky sunk through the dreary bleach that once dominated the atmosphere. As the raven took flight he projected his deathly caw that rung at my eardrums. The sun shone, a golden globe. All was tranquil for now.

#bleak #gothic

267 · May 2017

The Mask

Eleasha Forster May 2017

The Mask

-Original

Sometimes it’s hard to put your feelings into words. Let alone onto paper or a computer. You see- I’m the girl who’s always happy. And I bring out the best in people. Well everyone says that at least. I’m supposedly that girl. That girl who is always there for anyone who needs someone; whether it be a shoulder to cry on or the human form of a swear jar. I put everyone before myself, as long as everybody is happy, it will rub off on me right?

False. Because with trying to make one person happy, you instantly hurt another. It’s like a never ending circle. I make someone laugh, and somebody else is thrown into a puddle. I always say smiling is the key to happiness.. If you just smile more, all of your troubles will evaporate. Now,you see, false again.

And as soon as you mend a broken shadow, they completely forget of your existence. Until they have nobody to hear them out they retrace back to me.

I’m just that girl. That girl whose smile is a mask covered with 6 inches of makeup to hide the fact I haven’t slept in almost three days. I struggle to eat because there’s always something I do to mess everything up. There is always a promise that I forgot I made in the first place or plans I didn’t even know I gave my consent to. I try to remember. But I can’t. And that kills me the most- knowing I let someone down because I can’t ******* remember a word I say.

I mean I have to cheat on tests because I’m so exhausted from staying up all night trying to learn how to speak **** I’m probably never going to need to use any day. What is the point? Although I usually can’t do: I try.. And isn’t that enough? No. it’s never enough. ‘Try harder’ the say. But I try my ******* hardest and I put everything into what I want but it’s never enough, is it? You will never be fully satisfied.

Yet I always stay here. Waiting for you by your side. Waiting for you to need me so I can be there for you because I never want you or anybody to feel even just a fraction of how i feel every day because you might finally realise I’m falling and I’m just broken and I always will be. That’s just it. And hopefully you can catch me before it’s too late. But if not, It’s not your fault. Promise. Because I am just that girl. Truly.

— The End —