I retreat into myself
Into the corridors of me
I lounge on the well worn flagstones
Gazing on the marble columns
Arranging tapestries and paintings in
A more perfect order
I stalk down old hallways and explore unnamed galleries with a
Single candle to push back the deep
Sometimes rooms are filled with old Furniture
Sometimes entirely empty
Once feeling brave I held onto
The threshold of such a room and
Stretching out I hold the candle aloft in the chasm. Nothingness, darkness complete the light puddles at my feet pitiful.
When I recall that yawning abyss the silence of
It persists.
In ballrooms I play Chopin's waltzs' for no one  in particular
Yet I take my bow and my place at the head of a table set for a score of kings
I lay on marble steps trying to guess the riddles that my echo whispers
I climb the  towers and the spires to dizzying heights and many weeks I was lost in the labyrinth of cellars of basements of tombs beneath
I have seen strange things lately: a chair upturned or
Bed unmade, quills still wet, and doors open and shut of their own volition in the inky black
I swear I have seen before
A tall figure in a hooded cloak dart
Into the shadows, and it did not seem
Altogether human

I read for years inside my library  
And have spoken at length to Shakespeare and Plato
I have seen Yggdrasil and the seven hells
And sped through time with
H.G Wells. Of death and moon, of birds and galaxies I am enamored.
Tea with Julius Ceaser, chess with Captain Hook.
Breakfast with The Buddah
Coffee with The Christ
Did you know that Captain Ahab takes His water with a squeeze of lime? No Ice. Abraham Lincoln and Mark Twain know me by my first name, I have fenced with the Gods of Olympus and of Asgard and I remain undefeated. The divine crowd my hearth and many nights have been passed here in quiet conversation, with Confucius, with Archimedes, with Epictetus, Davinci, and the brothers Grimm
I have lived ten thousand lives and Will live another ten

-Without a single thought of you-

I wander
To my garden
Gently lit by paper lanterns
The path is smooth and heady
The amber blossoms
And weathered sculptures
Make my eyelids heavy
Monuments with fists clenched beat my
Ego ******
New flowers sprout from the ivy throat
Always things are grown but never overgrowing
I steal through the hedge maze that only I know
To the secret center where no plant grows
Pavilion and pond
Where no bird sings year long
In that quiet I endeavor
To look without fear
Into the pupil of forever

A train that never leaves the station
a bird with broken wings
an acid rain killing the spring flowers
I am
the clouds covering the full moon,
a funeral
the desert's freezing nights
I am
the thoughts that won't let you sleep at night
the deepest paper cut,
an illness with no cure
I am
the dust covering your lungs
the antagonist in your stories,
the cold wind hurting your bones.

I am the pain that hurts you the most.
I am the pain that loves you the most.

I want you;
I want you to want me too;
It hurts me to know I can't have you;
Every message I send you I mean it;
Every word is true;
My heart only belongs to you;
I can't imagine myself with anyone else;
You told me you wanted to feel a sense of happiness;
I'd love to give you it;
Knowing that I can't have you and your heart is in a different place hurts me;
You're the only one;
I basically gave up on other girls;
You're the second girl I actually chased after;
Must of the time I talk to multiple girls at once, not this time;
I want you to be my baby and maybe later in life we can make cute babies;
Its just hard though yinno, falling asleep knowing that any other can give you more than I offer;
You're so gorgeous;
But really I ain't ****;
I basically changed my dog ways ever since I started talking to you;
Not asking for a chance, but I'm just letting you know I'm always here;
Even if we never have something special, it'll hurt but I'll know the chase was worth it;
All I really have for you is love deep down;
But always know its you, you'll always have a hold on me. I literally love you like a fat kid loves cake

I waited for an elevator
It was an exceptionally long pause,
And there was a group of three arguing
Over the meaning of a clause.

I knew the answer to their query,
But questioned if I should reply.
Social stigmas can be strange
So I decided to be shy.

They searched their minds,
They racked their brains,
And I just stood there -
The answer boiling on my tongue.

My elevator arrived just then,
And I reluctantly stepped inside.
The doors closed slowly, slowly,
And I heard their voices die...

...So it is with my faith.
Many people are searching
And I have the answer,
But I am too afraid to speak.

So I step inside an elevator,
And lift myself above their problems
Pridefully rejecting the searching
Of those who need an answer.

It
Is my
Darkness that
I can't defeat.
All that I can do
Is kick and scream and try
To survive. The darkness has
Taken shape as this monster with
My eyes, except it reflects sorrow
And everything I fear most in this world.