Lots of people are afraid of the dark, because they fear what is not visible.
But isn't the light more scary?
For you can see everything that strikes fright all throughout your body out in the open, staring you in the face.
The light makes all of the horror come to life, for in the dark nobody can see what is going on.
And ignorance is bliss....
The night is bliss.

i remember when i was a sad child like you, with no hope to exist on this cruel planet, but then i found hope, and i'm holding on to it for as long as i can.

she is an asylum,
her walls drip blackness
writing every word
that neglected
to slip past her
teeth,
she sleeps on
****-stained spring
mattresses as the
clod tiles bite
at her heels,
hair and skin hide
beneath her fingernails
as palms are twinged,
the padded walls
whisper screams
of coercion; wrists
bound by silence and
tightened by insanity.
to bedposts
rusted,
her hands retired on
ridged thighs
hugging her
goosebumps with
convulsions of agitation.
her mind
scratches melodies of an
insomniac,
the flickering lights choke
her vision and blind her speech.
a room of contradictions
irregulating regularities
intoxicating sobriety
hallucinating reality,
the muffled screams
that weave through
the fibres of the
pillow clinched tightly
in her lap harmonize
algorithms that pull
each padded wall
towards her howling
being — centrefold the room,
as the walls hug her body
she awakes and paints
antonyms to
perpetual despondency

You never see the beauty in the ugly thing staring you in the face, whether it be what you see in the mirror, or the thing that you hold in your hands to end it all.
The metal of the gun; shiny, sparkly, ready to please whomever fires.
The strands of the rope; strong, reliant.
The grain of the pills; slipping you into your permanent dream.
Or the face that you and many others see.
Different to whoever looks at you.
Maybe to some beautiful, wise and pure.
But to you, a monster, never pleased and never pleasing.
You will choose to never see the beauty in you but in the others.
Because you see the world as art.
And you as the starving artist whose career never took off.

there is serenity on the bathroom floor
among the cold tiles
sending the sense of euphoria all throughout your struggling body
the pain
it feels so good
to just sit in the silence
with nothing
but the brisk air
and the cold tiles
sending chills down the spine
that you didn't think you had
because it was so hard to stand
just collapsing on that bathroom floor
with nothing but the readiness and acknowledgment of knowing it's okay to feel the end
because it is inevitable
it comes for all of us
and you may not be scared
but you must be petrified
for when the moment comes
it will feel the same as your body on the cold tiles
and the brisk air will take you away
with the serenity still there
as you enter the gates of wherever the air sweeps you to

Swollen eyes
Tear stained cheeks
A dusty mirror
And a beating heart
Pinching my thighs and muffin top
Fat
Ugly
Unlovable
These words haunting me

Wishing
Wishing to unzip this skin
And emerge as thin
Beautiful
Lovable

My head feels dizzy
Hearts starts to race
Warm tears streaming down my face
Smash
The mirror is in pieces
Hands are bleeding
Heart still beating
A reflection
That cannot be fixed