Relief
In this place where I’m completely numb
The drugs and alcohol consume the pain
I’m still conscious of it, still aware it exists
But it’s out of reach, like the fragments of a dream
Like words on lips I can’t hear
Like the dirt is falling and it’s almost
Buried
And in that distance there is a moment of peace
A fragment of reprieve
The weight lifted
The afflictions suppressed in chemical containers
I can breathe
I’ve found relief

Kissing him sounded like wailing sirens,
a traumatic experience already in motion

Your Dad was never around to teach you things
like riding a bike, or how to ask for the things you want
so you own a dirt bike now and steal for the thrill of it.
I still think you turned out just fine.

I  want to romanticize the way it felt to feel your presence but always being at such a distance from you,
but its hard to make something so painful sound poetic.

Still, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it all, just a little bit.

You'll call some other girl "babe"
and I'll change my mind
the same way the leaves go from green to red and
one day I won't think of trauma when I hear your name,
I won't be calm when I sense danger,
and I won't be at peace when I hear sirens wail.

Better wrap my legs around you
'cause your eyes send me a blast
Better try to catch your breath
and put your fears in the past
Yeah you'd better close your eyes
I mean it'd be a big suprise
If I stole your soul
and was the cause
of your spirit's slow demise

Fourteen years ago when I held you in my arms, it seemed surreal. So fragile you were and like a tiny doll. Only God knows how much I miss being able to pick you up and hug you tightly close to my heart whenever I feel depressed.
And yet I love you now all the more. You are so special to me and always shall be. Our family has shared so many joys and so much heartbreak through the swiftly passing years.
You are sunshine and daybreak and iridescent rainbow hues.
The baby has been replaced with a very special friend.


Happy Birthday Sweet Daughter!


Much Love,
From Your Mother

Perhaps if we are to meet again it will be in a different a life and a different body. Perhaps you'll look at me and smile, have a serious case of deja vu, and try again. A true example of second chances.