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Mar 21 · 22
Beck and Call
duhastnach Mar 21
“At your service, my Queen”, he announced.
“Your wish is my command”, and bowed.
But when did it become acceptable to treat a queen as your beck and call?
Such treatment should only be reserved to servants not worth a ****.
If you say I mean this much to you,
Then why do I feel like a second rate pick-up girl?
A one night stand that’s gotten way overboard.
If you say I mean this much to you,
Then show me.
Make some time for me.
Climb a mountain for me
Skin a snake for me.
Pen me poetry and read it aloud.
Paint my face on a canvass.
Until then, I shan’t be at your beck and call.

WhatsApp Notification: “Come over tonight?”

Without giving it a second thought,
I launched the app and tapped on your saved address.
I’ll do this another time.
I’ll love myself tomorrow, I mumbled as I knocked on your door.
“Your royal highness, you’ve beckoned for my presence? It is I, your beck and call, at your service.”
First draft of my current feelings. Will try to update and polish later. Would love to receive feedback and critique.
May 2019 · 224
Love letter #2
duhastnach May 2019
Dear You,

We were never meant to be, I’ve learned that now. I’m still learning to live with it. But I will never regret knowing you. It might hurt now and maybe until forever, but the pain was definitely worth it.

You were never the one that got away because I never really had you in the first place. I will live my life in pain because that is all I have of you.

You will always be the one that stole my heart and I know I’ll never have it back. And I’m okay with that. I’d rather you have my heart even if I can’t have yours. My heart is yours to break.

Always,
Me
May 2019 · 142
Love letter #1
duhastnach May 2019
Dear You,

I never stopped loving you and I don’t think I ever will. I’ll still love you. Even from afar. Even if you will never love me back.

Always,
Me
Jan 2019 · 149
She keeps me
duhastnach Jan 2019
She blinked at me

I followed her eyes
As she scanned me
From inside out
My nerves getting the best of me
Hands shaking behind my back
Praying she wont notice
My vulnerable eyes full of
Fear, anxiety and distraught

One
She blinked at me

Two
Breathe in
Breathe out
One
Two
How
How do i breathe?
What comes after one?
Two!
Breathe in...
Two
No
What comes after breathing?

Forgotten
I have forgotten

I forgot how to count
How to breathe
How to live

She blinked at me

She blinked.
She blinked at me again.
I caught her blinking at me again!
I saw her eyes full of pain and sorrow.
Inviting
She pulled me
into the darkness.
Her room full of
solitude and despair.

One
Breathe in
Breathe
Two
Out

She keeps me.
She keeps me up at night.
With her thoughts of destruction and raucous cries.
Pleading.
Bleeding.
To let her out
To let her take control


But I'm denying
Fighting
Crawling my way out
My skin is blue
And purple
From her scratches
And punches
Clamored
With her tirade of
Failures and mess

One
Breathe in
Breathe
Just breathe
Two

She keeps me
Happy and ecstatic
I could roll over the floor
Jump
Past my balcony
Because, she
She keeps me
Chasing for excitement
My blood pumped up
With adrenalin
Like friday
Night and I'm
All clouded with
Cheap mix
Of gin and
Tonic

She keeps me
She keeps me tangled
Mangled
Inside her junk of chest
Moulding and decaying
Pieces of her skin
Wrapped
Around my neck
Broken bones
Slashing through my
Flesh

She is screaming
And wailing
To get out,
I am trembling
Taunted by her cries.
I am pleading
Meaning for her to
Stop

Hush now
It will all be fine
Once the clock hits nine
You will be back
Just in time
To dine with my
Crime

I shut her off
With my clenched fists
And twisted tongue

She grabbed me closer
And pulled my hair

She said, "This is terrible
Ugly and utterly grime"

With her words i get weak
I shrunk in defeat
Throat clumped
And eyes bleak
Folded in my knees
By the corner of the
Margin
Between sanity and disbelief

Go away, i said.
Please please
Please
I want to be
full of life
And free
I want to be me again!

She said, you are you
But i am i,
And i am taking over
Whatever is left
To be salvaged
You are feeble
With your flaccid
Belief
Of whatever feat
You call
Faith!
Walk on water
If you must
I'll let you drown
With your lies
And cries
While i have
The last laugh

Like a
double-edged sword
Her words cut my heart open
Bleeding in abandonment

She keeps blaming me
And claiming that
I
destroyed her life
That i
ripped her
Dreams off
Into oblivion
Of so much possibilities
Of starting over agains
of paths wishing to be
Explored
Of answers waiting
to be thrown in
Questions

She keeps panting
Running
Her feet throbbing
finger tips painting
The blank canvas
With more emptiness
And disregard

My wobbly knees
And fickle mind
Gave in
I plucked my ears and
Yanked my eyes out

In my deafened state
i can still hear
Her voice echoing.

With no sight
I can still see her reflection
So clear
So real in front of me



She blinked
She blinked at me again

And i
blinked at her


She
She keeps me


She
She is me.

No.
no no no no

No!

I
I am
her?!
This piece was my first ever spoken word poetry that I performed at open night. My first ever performance.
Mar 2015 · 645
Untitled
duhastnach Mar 2015
I've had enough.
I'm done waiting.
I guess it's your turn
To do something.

I am such a jest
Still hoping from you
But I'm just so done now.

So here's the adieu
I should have given
Months ago.

This is the farewell
Without the
Hungering touch
Of uncertainty.
Mar 2015 · 45.6k
You're a Metaphor
duhastnach Mar 2015
You're a one night stand
But we spent too many nights
I lost count of it.

You're that unexpected kiss
On a drunken wasted night
Of vomits and *****.

You're that awkward hi
Exchanged by strangers who
Thought they both knew each other
But were clearly mistaken for another.

You're the bruise that turns blue
When I accidentally bump my leg
On the corner of the bed.

You're the scar that I never
Knew I had.

You're the bittersweet taste in
My mouth every morning.

You're the last thought lingering
In my head before slumber takes me
And you're the vagueness that
Haunts me in my dreams.

You're the scalding hot shower
In a cold freezing morning.

You're the boiling tea that numbs
My tongue for the rest of the day.

You're the obsession
I will never learn to let go of.

You're that person I will
Never get to call mine.

You're the one that got away.
Mar 2015 · 467
Untitled
duhastnach Mar 2015
I'm tired.

Of waiting for the sun to rise in the west,
Hoping when that time comes you will
Be back into my arms.
Your lips against my spine
And I can finally call you,
*Mine.
I just miss you so bad. I really do. I wonder if you're still alive. How you have been doing lately. Is it just me going through all these? I guess I'll never know. I should stop writing about you.
Mar 2015 · 1.3k
Wishful Thinking
duhastnach Mar 2015
we could be soul mates, we could be so great

"I'm sorry, I was too late" he said.
"I'm sorry I couldn't wait" I said.
But what I really wanted to say was
Maybe you could wait, until I clean my slate.
This dialogue keeps repeating in my head. I wish things were different. I wish we were the same before the fall. I need you in my life. But you're now gone. I can't blame you, who would stay in this mess anyway?
Mar 2015 · 1.4k
Fading (Our Sonnet)
duhastnach Mar 2015
Bare face, full moon, we danced in irony.
With swollen eyes, anticipating dawn,
We jumped to the abyss for clarity.
Succumbing, you were fighting and withdrawn.

Swirling and twisting aimlessly, I fell.
Flaming broken bones, soaring hastily.
Your eyes pierced through me, a poisonous spell.
Damp cheeks, bitter tongue – growing vacancy.

Come hither, frightening solace of dusk,
Darkness echoed your face in paragraphs.
Part these lips with punctuations and brusque,
Poignant blank verse, depicting parallax.

Second crescent came, it was disaster.
You vanished in thin air, my sought after.
Last time I wrote a sonnet was in high school. My skills are getting rusty. But this is for you, my lost lover my most sought after. You will not be forgotten, you are now living within these lines. You will stay with me, even just in memory.
Feb 2015 · 889
Improbable
duhastnach Feb 2015
I believed you
When you said that
It's you and me against the world

I was blinded by the thought
Of you and me fighting them
Side by side, with our hands intertwined
And our hearts as one

I tore down my walls
And built my dreams around you
Now I'm stuck in this nightmare
Breathing only anger
And self loathing
Delusional of the primer -
That this can be salvaged

You and I
We are too far gone
This, The us
We have and always been
Improbably fated
So I'm stuck in this dysfunctional relationship. I don't even know why I'm staying. I need to get out of this mess soon, this is slowly wasting me away.
Feb 2015 · 1.6k
Ephemeral
duhastnach Feb 2015
I had an epiphany
That we were never meant to be
I tried to fight myself
“No, you must be mistaken
this shall pass
you’ll get over it.”
Then alas,
You broke my heart
All the pieces were shattered
With disregard

Forgiven?
No.
Just very numb
To perceive
Any sentiments
Of fury and disbelief
Dazed by the illusion
That everything was fine
Until I read the last line
Feb 2015 · 2.4k
Circles
duhastnach Feb 2015
I was supposed to be working on a project
But my mind is adrift
Thinking of you and its logic

Tell me now, what is the denouement
Should I hang on or let it slip
Knowing that this will only take us
Nowhere,
But in circles and disarray
Feb 2015 · 657
Contrite
duhastnach Feb 2015
I should have kissed you longer
Kissed you harder
We should have lingered
From here to yonder
Like there’s no tomorrow,
And that night was our forever
That night keeps replaying in my head. It hurts so much. I would trade anything to be with you again.
Jun 2014 · 2.7k
Dysphoria
duhastnach Jun 2014
She had always been on guard with her feelings.
She never let her emotions rule her.
Yet that night…
that night was not different than any other nights.
She still felt lonely.

Yes, he was there
she felt him…
inside her
he touched her
but it was too superficial.

He touched her,
she felt him,
but that’s it.
Their bodies collided,
but never their soul.

Inside, her whole being was bleeding…
aching…
longing…
for that gentle, genuine touch
from the other
but all he gave her
were fierce and mighty
stabs of
uncertainty.

Yes, it was pleasure,
but it only lasted
so brief that when
she opened her eyes
he was gone.

She needed someone to complete her.
She thought it will be him,
but he was just another coldblooded bandit.
Stealing…
destroying…
everything he can
off of her,
leaving her wrecked
and sore.

She lay there…
her heart shouting in
pain rhyming with the
silence of the night.

She lay there…
her eyes closed,
but her soul
wide open.

Waiting….
waiting for
someone to pick her up.

Waiting…
waiting for
everything to fade into
oblivion.
Oct 2012 · 3.3k
So this is melancholy
duhastnach Oct 2012
So this is melancholy
That bittersweet taste every time
We part ways

That deepest sigh I always utter
Whenever your lips touch mine
Because I know in a second or two
You will be gone

I have never looked forward
To our meeting
For you have always
Left me breathless
And wanting

This is insanely foolish
And I know soon
I’m about to face my doom

But every time
Your fingers
Trickle my spine
Or your breath
Suffocates me
Or your taste
Numbs me…

I find myself
Completely giving in

Until your whole being
Inhibits my system
Slowly poisoning my veins
Until my blood ceases to flow
And my heart resists pumping

But there I go again
Poisoned from the reverie
Of you and me

The car engine starts
I know this is goodbye
So long then
Until the next confluence
Of our thirsty mundane
Incongruent lives

— The End —