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 Mar 2015 duhastnach
Creep
I didn't get to choose to fall for you.
I just did.
And I accept all the consequences.
I'm sorry I'm weak.
That I couldn't be there for you.
That I'm an inconsiderate girlfriend.

I'm sorry.
I love you.
Don't forget, please.

Not gonna post for a while. Or use hp in general. It caused too much hurt. Undeserved hurt.
Run me over with a truck.
I bet you the pain won't be enough.
 Mar 2015 duhastnach
Creep
I'm done with trying so hard in vain.
All my fruitless efforts-
it just hurts even more in the end.
Slashes to the chest,
blooming fireworks of blood,
draining all my life away.
I'm sorry. I should try harder to make things right. But... it hurts. and I'm so tired....

outside
by ellie goulding, calvin harris
With her, I knew no control,
Consequence, tragedy,
Still take their toll

I saw her and thought I'd shatter,
I gasped, clutched my heart,
Ripped and tattered

She looked like heaven incarnate,
I felt like hell, struck,
Cursed love, ****** fate
 Mar 2015 duhastnach
Creep
Terry Pratchett died Thursday. He was a critically acclaimed British Fantasy Author, as well as an advocate for assisted suicide and Alzheimer's Disease. He himself was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2007, yet still continued to write, even after he was incapable of using a computer to write (he used a dictation machine afterwards). Before his death at the age of 66, he wrote the popular "Discworld" series consisting of four books, as well as one of my personal favorites, "The Wee Free Men." He was inspirational for me as a writer and he changed my view of writing. With his books, I found my writing style. There are no words to express my awe at his life and works, nor are there words to express my deep sadness in which I tell you that he has passed. May he rest in peace and reach a world even better than that of Discworld.

“There's always a story. It's all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything's got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky (Discworld, #32)
Well Mr. Pratchett, you've changed the story.
One of my favorite authors... He inspired me greatly and changed my perspective on the traditional aspects of writing. Hope he's somewhere better now.
At that time
With a selfish command
You were there
Feeding me your warmth

You never left
Even when I slept
You were there
Waiting for my wake

I was weak
Nobody wanted me
You were there
Always with me

When all was said and done
And those times were gone
You were there
And never left

Of all of those there
None really stayed
You were there
And never left

Even when I ran
To explore other land
You were there
Waiting for me to land

Even when you are gone
Six feet under ground
You are still here
Waiting for me patiently
Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That's all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh.
 Mar 2015 duhastnach
xx
A Meeting
 Mar 2015 duhastnach
xx
I walked in the rain
On a summer day
Wond'ring if that face
Would show up again
I took each step
With the fog in my eyes
I want to get lost
But can't help standing by
I watched my past
As if I'm watching you coming near
And all that's coming
Are all of my fears
Rain of my thoughts
Kept coming on point
Maybe you would
But maybe you won't
 Mar 2015 duhastnach
ephemeral
oh darling. you never really
wanted to die. you just wanted
to silence the voices in your head, and get rid of the hollowness in your chest. you wanted to **** all the pain you were enduring.
it's quite understandable- everyone understands what it's like to suffer (contrary to your belief,
you're not alone.
suffering is a basic part of human existence).
and sometimes, when you get to be in such a bad place, you're not able to remember anything else. all you can see, all you can think about, all you're surrounded by, is misery and sadness and heartache. and dying seems like the only way out of the endless cycle of negativity.
but emotions are a lot like energy- the kind you learn about science. feelings cannot be created nor destroyed,
only transferred.
so even if you finally gathered the courage to commit suicide, your sadness wouldn't disappear. you'd be passing it down to everyone that loved you, and sometimes even people you barely knew. everyone is affected in some way or another.
and while it seems like there are so many reasons to just die, there are
so many things to live for. the world is a beautiful place- humans just make everything complicated for no reason. but there are so many wondrous things that you have yet to experience. there's an entire universe out there- and if you killed yourself now, you'd never get to explore it.
losing you would not only mean losing your body, your soul, and your presence. it would mean losing all the hopes in dreams stored inside of you- both yours, and your parents' wishes for you. we'd be losing so much of the positive- you are not a negative. you have to understand that.
at least one person loves you, and to them, you're everything.
I need you to live, lovely. for me.
"before you **** yourself, just remember that there are places you have not been and things you have not seen. and poems to awe, art to draw, fields to walk through, people to talk to, music to take in, games to win, and books to be read. so why, oh why, do you wish to be dead?"
He will never fight any battle for you
He won't chase after you if you turn your back to him
He is not going to buy you a drink or even ask for your number
He's just not that guy

He will never buy you roses on Valentine's Day
He won't text you in the middle of the night saying that he misses you
He will not turn and kiss you when you least expect it
He's just not that guy

He will never ask for your hand and your parents' blessings
He won't take you on a romantic trip to Paris
He is not going to say that he loves you until he knows for sure

He's just that guy
Who will secretly glance at you from the corner of the club
Who will kiss your neck as you fall asleep in his arms
Who will take your breath away and sweep you off your feet by being just that guy
everyone i've written about
has left me.
so you must understand
why i will not immortalize you
with my words,
why i won't turn you
into a poem.

maybe this way
you'll stay.
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