You're a knot, a curd,
a piece of heavy machinery
stuck idling in my throat.
You're the crack, the shell-shock
of a breaking,
broken
bone.
You're the weight of love,
a thief,
the bitter sting in my nose.
You're that beautiful head spin,
the needed kick,
the heavy fist,
the flicker of a nerve.

Faces only remind you of
How lonely you are,
You say you've swam too far
Into the sea of your regrets
That I am your lifeboat
But didn't you hear
I sank long, long ago?

You've been searching
For a new home,
One that doesn't creak
Or shudder at night.
But homes are not people
And your voice cracks
As you point out
There's a welcome mat
By the front door
But I never answer
When you knock.

It's been a while since
I started attracting
Strangers with flashlights
To search me like
A haunted place.
I finally realized they
Were the ones that
Needed scaring away.

It's so odd to think,
You once told me
You saw beauty
In clifftops,
And I thought you
Were talking about
The view.

Dear me,
Why can't you sleep?
Does the darkness trouble thee?

As your mind chases grief
Do you struggle just to breathe?

Dear me,
You must go to sleep
Life won't stop for you to weep

Dry your tears gracefully
And smile for the whole world to see

Dear Me,
Are you asleep?
Did you fall to your knees in agony?

Hide the nightmares that you keep
Tomorrow will come peacefully

Dear Me,
You must stay asleep
Quiet the chaos and stifle the screams

Silence the demons
That invade your dreams

Dear me,
You must not sleep
Or life may pass too quickly.

Rouse from your clouded lucidity
And awaken now...

It was only a dream

Dear Me,
Don't fall asleep

I do not remember,
The goose bumps against my skin,
The ice cubes I would hold in the very palms of my hands
I DO REMEMBER the brutal Darkness I had within
Not of them
Not for him
Not for his group of friends;
For myself.

The interruption of trauma put fourth into my mind.
I was;
The outlined name on the piece of scrap paper
That everyone seemed to gossip about
I was the 1 out of 4...

1 out of 4
I had to feel the slim of shame through the outer course of my skin
It felt as if a vast sign was beginning attached to the back of my shirt
Everyone knew
Throughout the whole school,
Throughout the world
It felt to me...

The bitterness in my throat as I choke out the words of ****,
The word **** itself is not hard to say
The kids used to scream it on the playground each and every day
My life today is full of Rage,
Not for them
Not for him
Not for his group of friends
For I myself

Never fall in love with a poet,* he said.
Their words are too soft.
Their words are too harsh.
And like their eyes,
their words are full, promising and plentiful.
But the ones so whole, wound deeper.
The ones so beautiful, bleed better.
The ones that lead you, last longer.
Never fall in love with a poet, he said.
Double-edged, they will leave you longing.

you're my body
sticky with
tar like black rust-oleum
that won't dry in the cold sea air-
the pitch that the gulls drown in,
the way you part your hair.