Judging faces
Held back laughter
All for
A bubbly fangirl

Why must they
Be so cruel
To a nervous girl
I wish they understood

"What the ****?"
Said another girl
As I explained my thoughts
About this judgmental world

"It's just a tease"
She said
"She's used to it"
She added

But that's not the point
I'm trying to convey
Ugh
They'll never understand anyway

Six weeks strong
Wounds have healed
Tried to stop an addiction
But became so unhappy
Thoughts became worse
More pessimistic
Demons won't stop pestering
Self hatred grew stronger
Turned to the pain
Knowing that it is just an illusion
Thinking it would help escape
The struggles of life

I wish I had someone
Someone who I could wake up next to
Someone who would send cute messages to me
Someone to cuddle with
Someone to love

I wish I had someone
Someone who would wipe away the tears
streaming down my face
Someone who would love me
despite all my flaws
Someone who would accept me
for who I am
Someone who would make me
*happy

Her hands tremble
As the temptation conquers her mind
She grabbed anything sharp
That she could find

Go, do it.
Said the voices in her head
She listens and cuts
Wishing she was dead

Blood stained wrist
Blood stained sheets
Are all she sees
But now her mind is at ease

Cut on your hips
so no one would see
Nobody will know
Only you and me

He saw the scars
On her wrist
She thought he would let go
But he held her by her hips
He pulled her close
And kissed her lips

He wiped the tears
Streaming down her face
As he said
*I love you
Everything will be okay
You will always be mine
So please stay

I can't sleep
With the flashbacks
Playing itself in my mind

Hearing every tease
Every insult
Every threat
That was said to me

Seeing the times when
I felt horrible
Alone
Useless
And hurt

They play themselves
Again and again
Until the tears would stream
Down my cheek
Rolling over
Eventually falling asleep

I've been with you
Through thick an thin,
But all you do
Is cause pain within.

Never listening
To a word i say
But all you to
Is vent all day.

I try to be nice
And smile it away
But what you don't know
Is that I have something
To say.

I try not to complain
But sometimes,
It drives me insane.

She sat on the chair
Looking down at her flaws
She feels like she's drowning
She was barely breathing

You can see the tears
In her eyes
She said
I'm fine
But she lied

The thoughts in her head
Drove her insane
She got a pair of scissors
And ran away

She went to the bathroom
And locked the doors
She took it to her skin
Until she saw blood

She felt the pain
That she needed
It was relief
That she wanted

When will you realize
That your words
Are like knives
Piercing your daughter's
Fragile little heart

I'm sorry that I'm not perfect
But you aren't too
So stop acting like I'm the bad guy
Because the world doesn't revolve around you

Whenever you open your mouth
I know that nothing good would ever come out

Your words are like knives
Sharp and painful
Cutting through her fragile heart

Leaving scars on her mind
Changing her thoughts
About life

Just pretend everything is okay
Because they won't care anyway

All they see is a smile
But little did they know
That she was hurting

I sit in class
Staring at the board
Looking like
There's nothing wrong
At all.
I feel my pulse,
Blood running through my veins,
Asking myself
Why am I alive?
Each and everyday.

I thought the teasing would be normal
I thought that I could get used to the threats of having a horrible future
I thought I could block the shouting
I thought I would be fine without support from the family

I guess I was wrong

Words hurt
Like guns and knives
If you don't choose them well
It will trigger her mind

All the screams
And torment
And hatred
She hears
Are kept in a bottle
Locked up in her thoughts

Late at night,
Her thoughts unlock
As the bottle opens
Everything heard
Plays back in her head
Please make it stop
She said