Deep Thought

Jul 2018

emnabee

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

A little escape from the madness.
Or maybe, into.

#secret #life #poets

Deep Thought Jun 2018

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-HE-SAVES

Today was the day.
Thinking how mad could I actually be.
Even thought of the ways I'd do the deed.
I knew exactly how to succeed.

All of this need to be taken from this world.
Runaway.

From the beginning,
I felt abandoned.
My 17-year-old birthmother gave me up.
Oh,
& my birthfather didn't even show up.
12 years later,
God took the only mother I'd ever known.
Abandonment.

I'm writing to the ones who drown in these turbulent waves.
Sympathizing with how suicide seems like the only outlet.
Especially when you sense is the walls closing further in.
Perhaps this is where we must begin.

We're all in pain.
Few of us choose to admit.

There must be people who ask "what's wrong?" & truly listen.
Don't assume you know what we're going through.
Chances are you have NO CLUE.

I told God this was truly my lowest point.
Even asked Him if He could sit by me & eat chips with me.
I believe He did.

The Holy Spirit began to say,
look at Matthew 4:1-11 the devil tempted me too.
Christ said,
I've been there & I didn't eat food for 40 days.
Which is why my Father sent me to save you,
& to show you how much I love you.

This was when all my worries passed away.
My hope is our stories will get better from here.

Matthew 4:1-11
Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward hungry.

#suicide #temptation #pain #love #trinty #truth #abandoned

Deep Thought Jun 2018

Heaven for the Sinner

How did it start you might ask?
  The story began when I was 16.

  She knew just how to manipulate
me & so did Tim.
This was also the age I lost my
virginity to him.

Lured toward the lust I felt inside.
Which was why I had so much PRIDE.
She dated me & some other guy.
All along I was just her backup plan.

Keep in mind, I was a 10th grader in High School.
Going out to parties, smoking a bunch of cigarettes & ****.
Nothing mattered. Which left me feeling more alone than I ever did.
Didn't get the privilege to walk down the aisle with the rest of my classmates.

Expelled.

How can God forgive a misfit such as me?
How undeserving I was. Rebellion.

Plenty of drugs & clubs - my personal
favorite was Pulse Night Club.
Who was I when I wasn't with women?

This was my life for 10 years.

Later on, I watched a spoken word video
called Jesus > Religion.
For a moment it clicked, or so I thought.
Evidently realizing I was a religious fraud.

Once upon a time, I was among the dead.
Now I am fully alive in Yeshua.
I may never forget, even if He already has.
As far as the East is from the West.

  Relentlessly pursuing me in my brokenness.
He has made me whole & new again.

I urge you to pick-up your cross.
The battle has already been won.

Psalms 103:12
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

#love #pride #religion #pain #rebellion #lost #found #virginity

Jun 2018

She Writes

I’d Rather Write

I’d rather write than speak
My pen is always responsive
My ink doesn’t judge my mistakes
My paper doesn’t argue
My lines never cross me
My sentences never disappoint
And my words will never leave me

#write #pen #ink #paper #words #disappoint #writer #poetry #poem #poet

Deep Thought Jun 2018

The Great Shepherd

Addiction what a cruel thing.
To be entangled by the fiery flames of hell.
Oh, how short have we fallen?

I have seen many tumble into the same abyss myself included.
Deep dark pit of despair.
Always making you need to gasp for more air.

Every family has a Judas.

Or one family member may have an addiction, to later pass it on to their siblings.

All my life I have been a doer rather than a hearer.
The Lord is our Shepherd only if I let Him Shepherd me.
As He leads me to the boldness of His merciful love.

Once upon a time, I was at enmity with God.

Carnel mind & all.

Previously owned by the devil now I am a child of the Most High.

Do you know the Shepherd?

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness.
for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalms 23

#love #shepherd #family #god #sheep