Nights are filled with the harsh winds of winter,
The darkness from dusk to dawn toyed with you,
Lights are dimmed but shine as you re-enter;
Eyes filled with tears as wet as morning dew.

You fall onto the bed, your heart is aching,
I stand there not knowing how to fix this,
Silence fills the room, you are breaking;
You go numb, I give you a final kiss.

As I shut your eyes... I cry out to you,
The once silent room is now filled with screams,
My world without you is a dark grey hue;
My life is to be ripped all at the seams.

I must end it all to be with my love,
Heartbreak can ****, I will see her above.



                                     t.h.

Two doors down
from a bar
two people,
strangers to me,
sit in a doorway
up on sixth street;
Wearing winter caps,
winter coats,
even though,
I’m sure they know
it isn’t winter yet,
but it’s so cold.
They have each other
as they sit in separate chairs
leaning together.
I wanted to give them
a dollar or some food
but they are sleeping
and I know how hard
it is to get good sleep
in this life.

If I told you they
were children
would you care?

If I told you
they were women
would you care?

If I told you they
were white men
again would
you care?

If I told you
they were black
brown skin
would it matter
At all?    

If I told you
at one time
over fifteen years ago
I slept on a couch
in a hallway
in a building
with cracked
and shattered glass
windows that
let cold winds in.
Cuddling next
to my oldest friend
one head poking out
at each end
from under the thick
sleeping bag I had.
Fully loaded for winter,
except between us
we only had one ski mask
and one pair of gloves,
so we switched off and on.

If I told you what was wrong
so you could find what’s right
how our lives our deeply intertwined
and that this soap box is yours
as much as it is mine?

Would you take the time to see
and help the myriad of yous and mes
that are still suffering,
no matter what they look like?

Sometimes..
I am too needy
Too dependent
Too emotional

Sometimes..
I am too kind
Too vibrant
Too delusional

Sometimes..
I am too intrigued
Too clingy
Too infatuated

Sometimes..
I am too bold
Too honest
Too complicated

Sometimes..
I feel alive
But most times I don't

Sometimes..
It's hard just to stay afloat

Love is like water
And I'm dying from thirst
Sometimes, just sometimes..
I want to be put first

you tapped my shoulder
and whispered in my ear

"thats wrong. fix it"

my gaze followed
your long, boney finger
down to the skewed papers
on the desk next to mine

i simply shook my head and answered with
"no, thats not mine to touch"

i started to ignore
your fervent tapping and whispering
but it moved up
to screaming and shaking my body
i couldnt hold myself back any longer

i quickly grabbed the papers
and filed them
making sure they were neat
before setting them back down

you were happy
it was casual
it was normal

so i started to
live by your rules
letting your gentle taps and whispers
tell me what to do

i would fold my gym clothes
in the same order every day
i would sanitize my hands
before and after every single class
i would fix peoples binders, paper, and pencils
just to please you

then it changed

others started to laugh
mess up the clothes i neatly folded
push my papers out of order
hold me back
as they made everything crooked
watching me struggle against their hands
as i tried to break free
to fix it all

you were screaming
telling me how those fingertips
were touching my body
infecting me

you were violently shaking me
saying how wrong the mess was
that i had to fix it

fix it
fix  it
fix it

i still do as you say
abide by your rules
the laughing and taunting
has disappeared now
as i freely fix my things

theres the occasional question and statement
"why dont you just leave it?"
"it isnt that important"
"the mess wont affect you"

none of them know
of you looming behind me
a strict ruler of my mind
telling me they were wrong

no
none of them will know
they wouldnt never understand
how important your pure touches and words are
to the filthy, messy place
that is my mind

She once thought,
she wanted to be a poet,
but deep down,
she knew,
she wanted to be a poem.