There’s always
A looming calm
Before a storm
So I waited
In deep fear
And anticipation
For the worst
But the calm
Was so drawn out
That when the storm
Came flying through
Everything was ruined
Faster than I ever
Could’ve imagined

I don’t know what’s coming
The silence is clear
Sharp and painful
And nobody’s near.
I came to get hurt
To be torn apart
With shattered worth
And a broken heart.
I crave the pain
Deep in my skin
Creating warmth
As the darkness seeps in.
There is no telling
What is to come
My mind is racing
And my heart is numb.
I’m a very small piece
On the large scale
Unable to be seen
So I am bound to fail.
The walls are bland
As I look around
For a part of me
That cannot be found.
What will happen
When I see the light
And my soul disappears
Into the night.

She is summer,
Full of laughter and joy
Radiating love and light
Among everyone she sees,
Without a care in the world
She runs free
Adventuring recklessly
Leaving bruises and scraped knees
And losing pieces of herself
As the summer rain begins,
Like the tears she cries
Late at night.
The leaves start to fall
Along with her spirit
And her friends tell her
That her pain is beautiful
Capturing the changes
In pretty photographs,
She feels the air cooling
Sending chills down her spine
And drying up her heart
Like the barren ground
Beneath her feet.
As winter rolls around
She hides away
Fearing the slippery snow
The coats the driveway
And the ice
That has grown in her heart,
She stops talking
And they stop calling
Because her pain
Is no longer beautiful.
As her heart hardens
Into a lifeless seed
That will not sprout,
Spring slowly approaches
The returning warmth
Melting the snow
And revealing fresh soil,
A blank canvas
To paint with life
Turning the seed  
Into a beautiful flower.
And once again
She is summer.

Games are played,
But there is no winner,
It is all or nothing,
In this battle of feelings.
Tugged in one direction,
Only to fall,
Hopelessly over the edge.
Stolen glances,
Emotions spiral,
And can’t be stopped,
Until brutally crushed.

Thoughts circle
Never stopping
Racing to remember
Hoping to forget.

There’s no shutting off
Control center broken
Silence is death
Fear is pain.

The worry explodes
Crumbled on the floor
Guns fire
Water flows.

Left on the streets,
All alone,
Peer through the windows,
But no one's home.

Cry on the door steps,
See all the stares,
Praying for help,
But no one cares.

Beg for forgiveness,
Pace down the roads,
Tell them you're sorry,
But no one knows.

Whisper to the moon,
Voice down low,
Open the door,
But no one's home.

They tell me I look tired,
To get some rest,
But they don’t understand
The way my thoughts race
While I’m trying to sleep
Keeping me up all night.

They make jokes that sting
And ask why I’m so uptight,
But they don’t understand
That I fear everything
And the worrying doesn’t stop
But it’s out of my control.

They mock me
And my fake laugh,
But they don’t understand
That sometimes I’m so down
And my thoughts are so scary
That I use it to hide the pain
Because showing it
Would make them run.

They tell me that I’m too hyper
That I’m an annoyance
And I need to calm down,
But they don’t understand
That sometimes I reach highs
That I can’t control
But they’re easier to witness
Than the terrifying lows.

They say I need to worry less
And tell me to just relax,
But they don’t understand
That if it was that easy
I would be the calmest person
In the world
Because that is all I want.

They tell me my illness isn’t real
That it’s all in my head,
But they don’t understand
That mental illness
Is just as uncontrollable
And painfully fatal
As cancer.

They say I’m crazy
That I’m ****** up and weird,
But they don’t understand
What goes on in my head
And how much it hurts
To be misunderstood.