YOU
  are no more me
    than I am
       *MYSELF
Yet,
    you
      think you know
   *me
         like the back of your hand
   or the words you write
       or the rhymes you create
YOU
      might think you know how I feel
         or what I think
            or what I've done
    but
        you
will never understand my SOUL
    or the inner workings of my mind
So,
     you
         can go choke on the words you write,
     the songs you sing
and the hearts you steal
       because
YOU
      can never have my life

people tell me i’m
lucky because at least i lost
him knowing that he
loved me, at least it wasn’t as painful as a
breakup. if this isn’t
pain then please tell me words for this swallowing
wound in the middle of my
chest, explain how i can’t find my own
hands even in broad
daylight and every time i think i
see him around our
house i know to take it as a
sign that i need to call my shrink back up, tell her
about the ghost at the core of my
life.

i can still feel his
hands in mine, long pianist man
fingers and encompassing
palms, wide open like a
map soaked in
blood.

he was so long
gone by the time that they
found him, his own fragile
mother couldn’t identify the
body, i was the only
one who knew how my hands were supposed to fit his
hips, the only good part of him
left.

my doctor tells me that i’ve passed the threshold for
grief, this isn’t healthy, she
tells me. how am i expected to know the meaning of that
word when the only thing i can
explain is the incessant ringing in my
ear, the sound of the
bullet that went farther than i ever
dared.

we were supposed to get
married, he just didn’t have the
money, but he gave me everything else off his very own
back. at night i stay up repeating the names of the
children we were going to
have, all three of
them. now they seem like more of an
insult to the holy
trinity.

god, how did you feel when satan
fell? i demand you on your
knees, begging me to
believe in you again. do you know how it feels to be in love with a
ghost?

That I know..

You are very much hurting everyday
You feel like you just can't get away
Tears of blood cloud in your eyes till you can't see
Hurting and hurting longing to be free

Tears congregate and form into a puddle
Silently you are masking the pain, the struggle
All these while you are suffering in silence
Quietly resisting the emotional violence

You lift your eyes, but dimmed with grief
Your sorrow lends but only weak relief
You die everyday, you are wearied
It's like you're dressed at the funeral of regret, not yet buried

The stabbing pain you don't wish to bare
Nothing could make you feel better even if you share
You are gathering the strength you have in your soul
To beat the drums, feed the fire with coal

You are dipping your pain in inkwell heart
And scrawling out what you are feeling
Those words becoming the tourniquet
You don't know when your heart will stop bleeding

11:11
He wished for her to be okay,
Her head buried in his shoulder,
Shaking them both with sobs that
Bounced off the walls and screamed
That he was doing it all wrong.

11:11
He wished for everyone to be okay,
His inbox filled with letters that
Formed words that told the stories
Of how no one was really ever okay, and
How he was doing it all wrong.

11:11
He wished for her to come back,
His eyes burning with the regret of
Not telling her how much he'd miss her, the sharp
Wind on this cheek as he stared at her grave
Reminded him on how he had done it all wrong.

11:11
He wished that he'd be okay,
Sudden realization that wishes are
Only that, the hollow hope like
The gorges in his skin to remind him
How he did everything wrong.

11:11
He hoped there wasn't nothing
After leaving this world of fake
Wishes, and lay his head in his pool of blood
On the bathroom floor, one last slit across his throat,
And he wished he didn't get this wrong.

Breath* whisper,
*"He is in every single one of me."
Heart murmurs,
"He is tucked cozily in me ,as long as I am beating."
Hope utters,
"Never lose me, this man,one day you'll get to see."
Smile comforts,
"So put me on young lady, get ready for the.  
   meeting."

Heartbeat reveals,
"He brings a new meaning to each thump of mine."
Mind affirms,
"I'm telling you,you can't take him off me."
Eyes mime,
"When you close me, he'll send chills down your
   spine."
Love expresses,
"Trust him, I'm true, he would go down on his.    
   knee."

Test conveys,
"I'm sent down from above, but both of you will
   pass."
Miss admits,
"You feel me so much, you pray so hard for him to be
   closer."
Tears confess,
"I trickle down your cheeks like drops of crystal clear
   glass."
Faith assures, *"Have me, these tough days will
   soon be over."