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20.2k · Apr 2015
Chaos Apr 2015
do you erase
the demanding thoughts
that float around
your mind

do you stop
the howling wolves
that run around
your head

do you dim
the frightening scenes
that replay in
your eyes

do you release
the haunting cries
that reside in
your heart

do you forget
the grueling monster
that lives in
your soul
8.1k · Jul 2015
Chaos Jul 2015
Someone once told me
Whenever I was lost
I should look to the stars
They would guide me home
But where are they tonight?
The sky is cloudy and grey
And no stars are in sight
Why aren't they here?
When I need them the most
I'm so, so lost and I need them
*I need them to guide me home
4.7k · Jul 2015
The Semicolon
Chaos Jul 2015
Yesterday was tough
Tougher than before
It broke me down inside
Left me crumbled on the floor
But then I remembered
the semicolon

Today was hard
Harder than before
It killed my soul a little
Left me bleeding on the floor
But then I remembered
the semicolon

A small mark
Seems insignificant
But when examined further
Becomes magnificent
An authors way
Of saying hold on
don't give up just yet
there is plenty more to come

Tomorrow will be painful
More painful than before
It will break me down
Leave me broken on the floor
But I will remember
Forever more
That small, simple mark
Giving out hope for all

*the semicolon
Inspired by Project Semicolon
3.2k · Sep 2019
Platonic Soulmate
Chaos Sep 2019
i tried to find
a song
a poem
a piece of art
something, anything
that felt like
or sounded like

i looked
and searched
and wondered
yet no matter what
i tried
there was nothing
that came close

for you
my platonic soulmate
are one of a kind
a light in the dark
warm, soft
kind, loving
a best friend

i couldn't find anything
nothing is like you
2.4k · Mar 2015
Fake it till you make it
Chaos Mar 2015
I pretend that I don't care
When really I am screaming
From the frustration of failure
And the disappointment of
Letting you down
I brush off the hurt
With a flick of my wrist
Pretending it's not a big deal
When on the inside I am crying

Fake it till you make it
Has become my new motto
Except I am excellent at the fake it part
But have yet to make it anywhere
All I am good at
Is building up my walls
And constructing masks
To hide what I really feel
So I don't seem like I care
But I assure you
I most definitely do
1.9k · Feb 2015
Chaos Feb 2015
I keep being told
I need to be more positive
Can't you see that I am trying
I am honestly trying
But it's so hard
When all you can see
Is the dark in everything
Or those demons
That haunt your memories
It's so difficult
When your only enemy
Is yourself
And all of your doubts
Crowd your mind
It's really tough
When nobody can see
How much effort
You put into being happy
And always smiling
It's so hard
When they can't see
How much your trying
To be positive
*Honestly, I am trying
1.8k · Feb 2015
For a minute
Chaos Feb 2015
For a minute
I actually thought I was okay
And then
I heard that song
The one we danced to
In the moonlight
Under the stars
At midnight
1.5k · Nov 2018
Chaos Nov 2018
Don't say it as a friend
Everytime you do
My heart sinks

Don't remind me
That I can never
Have you

Just don't say it at all
I can't hear it
Without breaking
1.2k · Apr 2015
All my fault
Chaos Apr 2015
There are so many things
I want to tell you
For you to understand
There are so many reasons
I want you to know
For leaving you behind
It's not your fault
It will never be
The only person to blame
Is me
I seem to ***** up
Every friendship, relationship
Everything I do
I'm the mess, the problem
The huge grenade
I cause disaster and pain
Anywhere I go
So don't worry
It's in no way your fault
The fault is all mine
The ***** up, the mess
The problem, the grenade
It is all my fault
1.2k · Mar 2014
Chaos Mar 2014
It's monday again
and the rain is still falling
just like the tears on my face
rivulets of pain
track my cheeks
and turn my jeans a darker shade

As the week goes by
my eyes will dry
and the pain will go away
then suddenly
it all comes back
and it's monday again
I hate Mondays...
1.2k · Apr 2015
Never meant to happen
Chaos Apr 2015
I didn't mean to fall for you
It was never supposed to happen
We were just meant to be friends
Helping each other out
I was only there as a shoulder
For you to cry on
Or a pair of well tuned ears
To listen to your pain
My job was to be objective
To guide when I was needed
But instead I fell in love
With the way you talked
How you breathed and smiled
I fell for your laugh, your walk
Even the way you cried
This was never meant to happen
Although I'm not sorry it did
I'm a better person for knowing you
And even though I'm walking away
I want you to know
I loved every single second
And I will still continue to love you
Even though it was *never meant to happen
1.2k · Feb 2015
Chaos Feb 2015
Being happy is a rare thing these days
And when I am it's like the sun has stop hiding
My smile is a relief from all the pain
And the world seems to be shining
I am grateful to those few people
Who can brighten up my miserable days
Lift up my spirit and state of mind
And turn the grey skies to blue
You have no idea how much you mean
In every single way possible
I just want to thank you and say that
*I am so, so grateful
1.0k · Feb 2015
My Self-Esteem
Chaos Feb 2015
Why do people have to constantly make me feel bad about myself?
Exercise more
Dress more like a girl
Get a job
Wear make-up
Stop being so sensitive
The list goes on
Instead of making these comments
And forcing my self-esteem further and further
Down into a dark abyss
Where it will be harder to retrieve each time
Can’t you just be happy with who I am?
977 · Feb 2015
How do you say goodbye
Chaos Feb 2015
How do you say goodbye
To all the things you love
How do you leave
All of it behind
Do you whisper
The words
As quiet as you can
As soft as a breeze
How do you say goodbye
To everything you have
How do you turn away
And never look back
Do you walk
As slow as possible
Or do you run
So quick you're invisible
*how do you say goodbye
963 · Feb 2015
Chaos Feb 2015
I wish you were my valentine
Or knew that I wanted you to be
I wish I wasn't so alone
Or that you would finally see me
I wish I could hold you close
Or whisper in your ear
I wish that I could tell you
How much I really care
I wish you were my valentine
Or even just my friend
I wish you knew who I was
Or loved me until the end
945 · Feb 2015
It scares me
Chaos Feb 2015
It scares me that you know
Exactly what I like
You see right though my i'm okay
And all the happy words I write
It scares me that you can
List things that make me laugh
Or the things that make me cry
And always break my heart
It scares me that you know
More about me than I do
And even more than I know
Everything about you
It scares me how much you care
When no one else does
When I am all by myself
With nobody else to love
It scares me how much I need you
To do the things you do
To stay always by my side
And to just be you
941 · Aug 2015
The things in my head
Chaos Aug 2015
You told me to talk
About the things in my head
Or else I might explode
Into millions of pieces
But there's just one problem
When I try to talk
About the things in my head
No one is there to listen
895 · Jan 2015
Chaos Jan 2015
I keep fantasizing
That maybe it could be me
The girl you long for
Or daydream about
I can see it in your eyes
The distant look
Of a man wishing, wanting
Someone or something
I am clinging tightly
To a small thread of hope
That your feelings for me
Haven't changed
Just as mine haven't
For you
Although I know
I need to stop pretending
I can't help myself
I can't stop myself from dreaming
882 · May 2015
Necklace of Death
Chaos May 2015
The soft candlelight
Illuminating her grim fate
Flickers in the gentle breeze
The glowing moon
Casts her shadow long
Swinging calmly in the night
Her quiet screams
Suddenly silenced
By the necklace of death
Her troubled soul
Finally set free
From her prison in hell
854 · Mar 2015
My Happy Ending
Chaos Mar 2015
You're my new dream
and my happy ending
My fairy tale story
and my new beginning
852 · Mar 2015
Chaos Mar 2015
Why does music
Make me feel so much?
Some songs bring hope
But others bring pain
Some bring joy
Others bring rain
I was once told
Musicians feel things
A little bit different
Like there is some
Deep connection in soul
That strengthens
Each time we hear a note
Why is it this way?
The way I feel
Sometimes kills me
I turn on my music
And break my own heart
Over and over
As I repeat the songs
That rip right to my center
And make me feel
So strangely
So differently
To everyone else
788 · May 2015
Chaos May 2015
How is it that
Complete strangers
People I have never
Ever met before
Can make me feel
So much better
Than those I have known
Almost forever
783 · May 2015
The Deep, Dark Abyss
Chaos May 2015
She went to the place
Where she doesn't exist
So his voice couldn't reach
Into the deep, dark abyss
So she lay in the dark
Trying hard not to feel
The pain that was roiling
It all seemed too real
How can she get better
Climb from this place
Empty the dark inside
Re-construct her face
Can't he see what he did
He broke her apart
Forced her to fall
And live in the dark
She feels all the pain
All the hurt and the stress
It's all way too much
Just one giant mess
So she goes to the place
Where she doesn't exist
And his voice doesn't reach
Into the deep, dark abyss
773 · Oct 2015
Lazy, at home days
Chaos Oct 2015
I love lazy, at home days
With sweatpants and ice cream
Cuddling and watching movies
Doing nothing but being silly
Dancing in the kitchen
Board games in the lounge
Hot chocolate in bed
I love the timeless feeling
With that little bit of sun
But enough chill in the air
To bundle up warm
The fuzzy socks and beanies
Blankets strewn everywhere
I just love lazy, at home days
752 · Dec 2014
Chaos Dec 2014
Sometimes I can't stop
The tears, the pain, the lies
Or the thoughts, the words
That trap me
Sometimes I can't stop
Playing the same song
Over and over and over
Until it's all I hear
The words resonating
Through my soul
Capturing how I feel
Sometimes I can't stop
Losing myself in my sorrow
Falling again and again
Into the darkness
That creeps along
On the edges of my vision
Just sometimes I can't stop
Being the disappointing mess I am
Broken and unfixable
Until I can get a grip
And replace my mask
It only happens sometimes
728 · Oct 2014
Hold Your Breath
Chaos Oct 2014
Sweetheart hold your breath
Nobody can hear you
Close your eyes and pray
For another chance
Darling hold it all in
Nobody is listening
Stand by and hope for a new beginning
Watch as life flashes by

*hold your breath
710 · Feb 2014
Chaos Feb 2014
Am I so oblivious, that I notice nothing?
Not my friends newly dyed hair or green pea coat.
I miss the looks, the stares,
Stuck or maybe protected in my own little world....
I'm not very good, but I'm trying to let out my feelings in a different way...
705 · Jun 2015
It's okay
Chaos Jun 2015
It's okay
I'm used to it
Being a disappointment
I've become numb
To the pain
That comes with it
It's okay
I'm used to it
Being a useless mess
I've become cold
To the ache
That accompanies it
It's okay
I'm used to it
Even though I shouldn't
I no longer feel
The hurt
That comes each day
*it's okay
i'm used to it
702 · Mar 2014
What You See
Chaos Mar 2014
I don't understand why
You all look up to me
You say I'm all these things
That I'm so obviously not

Your saying that I'm perfect
I'm flawless, without fault
But have you looked at me
Underneath my surface

You see beauty, perfection
I see scars and mistakes
You see happiness, light
I see anger and hate

I don't think you realize
I'm not the angel you see
I'm not a role model
I shouldn't be put on a throne

I'll never be perfect
I'll never be free
I'm locked inside self hate
I've thrown away the key

So I still don't understand
What you see in me
Why do you look up to
A person I'm obviously not

I really don't get what you see
693 · Jul 2015
The Way
Chaos Jul 2015
I think I like the way
Your hands engulf and warm mine
I think I like the way
Your eyes seem to sparkle and shine
I think I like the way
Your smile can light up a room
I think I like the way
For me you'd go to the moon
693 · Feb 2015
It's me
Chaos Feb 2015
It's me
I'm my own enemy
I create the demons
That live in my mind
It's me
I'm the villain
Who breaks the hero
Until they can't survive
It's me
I'm the assailant
Who beats myself up
And falls to the ground
It's me
I'm the monster
Who pulls myself down
And burns my soul to black
681 · Dec 2016
Chaos Dec 2016
i want to stand
underneath the clouds
as the rain   f
in  s l o w m o t i o n
to feel
every single drop
as they hit
my upturned face
and   r     o    l    l
down my neck
in serene streams
that take away
all my thoughts
leaving me
and *blissfully empty
671 · May 2015
Little Black Cloud
Chaos May 2015
There is a
little black cloud
that won't stop
following me
it rains a lot
and casts
a gloomy shadow
upon the cold
668 · Jul 2015
The Call
Chaos Jul 2015
There's a girl in the mirror
And I don't know who she is
At least not anymore
Where there once was light
There is now darkness
It seeps through her pores
Her eyes are dull and lifeless
Seeing nothing but the demons
As she stares at the walls
The tears have cut sharp tracks
Into the contours of her cheeks
Ripping her skin as they fall
Where there once were curves
There are sharp, jutting edges
Showing her soul to the core
Her mind no longer thinks
Or works in any single way
As she lies still upon the floor
She no longer belongs here
With the living and breathing
But in the darkness forever more
Pain is her very best friend
And death shall be her lover
As soon as she makes **the call
630 · Sep 2015
My Ghosts
Chaos Sep 2015
It's four in the morning
And I am all alone
Except for the shadows
That call me home
The darkness is mingling
With the tears that fall
Giving strength to the demons
That await in the hall

There is nothing left
Of this soul of mine
It has broken away
And it's so hard to find
There's nothing left
For me to show
It's been taken away
By my ghosts
629 · Mar 2015
Chaos Mar 2015
I can't help but compare myself
To everybody else
It's just something I do
She's so much prettier
He's so much smarter

And soon it's all I can think
These thoughts circulate in my mind
And I don't think they'll ever leave
627 · Mar 2015
No Escape
Chaos Mar 2015
She is fighting a battle
That can't be won
A war of words
And she's trying to run
But she can't escape

She is fighting the demons
Under her bed
They whirl their way
Around her head
And she's screaming in pain
620 · Jan 2015
Chaos Jan 2015
Raindrops splatter
Tears that don't matter
Painting the pain on my skin
Words slice
And create a vice
That breaks the girl within
Thoughts swirl
Emotions whirl
Where can I begin?
Bones break
A heart that aches
Disguises that wear thin
Feeling wrong
Can't sing my song
Will never make up for my sin..
603 · Mar 2017
make me feel better
Chaos Mar 2017
today started off bad
physically, mentally
and everywhere in between
i was not in a good space
weak, shaking, upset
and then you said hi
i was instantly lifted
i do not know how you do it
my heart feels light
my soul flying high
and although the sickness has not gone
it is lingering behind
you still make me feel better
602 · Apr 2014
I am a Balloon
Chaos Apr 2014
It's not been a good afternoon
I feel like I'm going to burst
I just need to say something to anyone
To get rid of some pressure

I am a balloon
That's been blown to the max
And if anything else happens
I will explode

Don't come to close with a pin
Or anything sharp at all
Words, lies, truth
It doesn't matter
Just leave me alone to deflate by myself

I'm a balloon floating away
Living in the clouds
Leave me there to come down in my own
Don't force me or try to coax me down
Just leave me be

I am a balloon
600 · Mar 2014
Chaos Mar 2014
I feel like I'm always waiting
waiting for a reply
Why don't you answer me
why won't you comply

I'm not going to be around much longer
I'm getting sick of this affair
The longer I wait, the further I'll drift
the sooner I'll shed a tear

Don't keep me longing
Don't keep me dreaming
Don't keep sighing
Dont' keep me *waiting
Waiting is so very hard.......
597 · Jun 2015
The Pouring Rain
Chaos Jun 2015
I stood outside
In the pouring rain
I let it soak in
To dilute the pain
Each drop washes
The hurt away
Holding all of those
Unshed tears at bay
I stood outside
The wind it winds
Around my ankles
To corners of my mind
Each whisp clearing
The clutter away
For me to look at
Some other windy day
578 · Mar 2015
Nobody Sees
Chaos Mar 2015
Nobody sees
The hurt
The pain
The loneliness
Nobody sees
The cracks
The strain
The sadness
To them
She's just another girl
Caught up in the tide
Thrown about by the waves
And left alone to die

Nobody sees
The cuts
The bruises
The seeping wounds
Nobody sees
The stitches
The sutures
The bleeding heart
To them
She's just another lost soul
Struggling to survive
Fighting a battle, a war
Waiting for help to arrive
571 · Jan 2015
Chaos Jan 2015
Erratic breathing
in and out
Tears welling
in and out
Emotions spilling
in and out
Storm brewing
in and out
Stop breathing
in and out
Storm slowing
in and out
Emotions receding
in and out
Tears stopping
in and out
Calm breathing
556 · Jun 2015
Hold me tight
Chaos Jun 2015
Hold me tight
So tight
That all my pieces
Fit back together
Hold me close
So close
That all my parts
Click back together
Hold me so I can
Stop falling apart
Over and over again
536 · Jun 2015
Dark, Hopeless World
Chaos Jun 2015
That girl
With the sad, tired eyes
Sitting alone in the corner
She's over her life of emptiness
And she just wants to leave

That boy
With the gloomy, grey cloud
Following him wherever he goes
He's finished with his life of darkness
And he just wants to disappear

Those people
With the falling apart lives
Breaking slowly piece by piece
They are done with feeling like this
And they just want to get out of this dark, hopeless world
531 · Dec 2016
Something Happens
Chaos Dec 2016
Just when I think
I'm finally getting better
And that the shadows have receded
Something happens
And suddenly I'm not
I'm not okay
I'm not better
I'm back where I started
With the shadows as my only friends
524 · Aug 2014
loved <3
Chaos Aug 2014
i just want to be loved
521 · Feb 2015
I'm so tired
Chaos Feb 2015
I'm just tired. Tired of people assuming. Tired of being tired, of not knowing myself or what I want. Tired of wanting to cry all the time, of not being able to sleep. Tired of my past, of the future that's unknown. I'm tired of my ghosts and all the burdens that I carry. Tired of not liking the way I look, of my personality. Tired of not being a good friend, of not being able to keep friends or even make them. Tired of ******* everything up, of hurting people. I'm tired of being hurt, of feeling pain. Tired of all the lies I keep being told, of being afraid and frightened. Tired of constantly wishing I lived in another life, of coming back to reality after each time I finish a book. Tired of waking up after I sleep, of having crazy dreams that make me want to wake but then fall asleep again so I don't have to deal with everything. I'm so tired. But above everything, I'm just tired of being alone.
518 · Mar 2014
Just Friends
Chaos Mar 2014
Why am I so stupid around you
Why do I always say the wrong things
I'm always making a fool out of myself
Always clumsy, always thick

I'm constantly blushing
Always red in the face
It's not a pretty look for me
Or for anyone in that case

My heart races when you come near
My tongue goes thick in my mouth
I can't speak, cant think
I always wish I were somewhere else

Life would be better if it went back to the way it was before
Just friends **nothing more
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