I'm sitting here trying to write how I feel and yet I cannot find the words or letters that speak in the right order,
I talked with a friend who said that I was growing, but I had to be honest and tell him that what I was feeling was not growth, but a rearrangement of myself; so the holes don't show what I have lost...
We don't grow; we just change and get smaller,
Or maybe that's just me,
I feel like I've become so small that I cannot even lift the blankets off of me when I wake up;
I was wild with love in my youth, but as I age and my body rejects me like my mind rejected my heart, I have to confess; I didn't have a clue how to love someone, and I still don't;
I do know I'm scared of it, though,
Scared of love,
Because I gave those parts of me away for a reason, the ones I so desperately rearrange to keep hidden;
And if someone else tried to fill those hollow parts of my heart, I know,
They would never really feel at home.
//On love. On her. On me.//