My face is not that of beauty queens

                the indention in my forehead
                         shows that clearly

My hair is not as shiny as most

                        ***** brown and limp

My neck is not that of starlets

                         I have a double chin
                          when I look down

My chest is not that of a model's

              I could pass for a man right there

My stomach is not a six pack

                              having babies
                      stretched me too much

My bottom is not smooth at all

                      stretch marks all over

My legs are not that of a dancer's

                              chicken legs
                       I've heard them called

My mind is not that of Einstein

                      I'm still learning everyday

My heart is not made of gold

                             there are days
                the blackness comes through

My soul is not white as snow

                       it is tainted with life
                   harsh words thrown to it

I attempt to overcome my faults

                       walk as though I have
                    nothing to be ashamed of

But in the back of my mind
There sits the forever
                          Not good enoughs...

It pains me just to hear your name
Three years later and it's just the same
I can't even say I wonder anymore
The tears still fresh like they've just been tore
Your body can't feel the pain
It's just the voices inside my brain

Not even there and yet--
I hear you everywhere

What did I do WHAT DID I DO?

Sometimes in winter...when it's warm indoors,
I open the window a little bit to let air in.
I love that tingling feeling of cold air on my skin,
For some reason it awakens me
A little reminder that I can still feel.
Is that weird?

I've always been told not to say my wishes out loud
So I live in a secret wish
It can never come true
Nor can it be told
Every day, I live in this wish
It drowns me
This dream, this wish
I can touch it
See it, hear it
But it can never be mine
I'm consumed by a wish
A fantasy, a thought
I've shed tears and begged the heavens,
My fist have beat the very earth
Still,
I wish

False accusations
Stories and lies
Are these words against me
Merely a disguise?

Trying to cut me
Down to the quick
It's rather obvious
I make you sick

Over the last few months
The trust has been shattered
I always loved you
But that never mattered

It's always been
About sneaking around
I'm looking for love
In the lost and found

Hoping to find
A discarded jewel
One that won't make me
Feel like a fool

I'm sorry to say
that we've reached the end
So long my love
To myself I must tend

The air breezy today, but the sky
Blue.

The sun out today
And my sleeves rolled up to.

The grass vivid green
The bees flying for a while.

The kids are all in school
Learning uneducations style.

Poets are writing
To let their feelings drift.

Lovers are making love,
Some are cheating, getting away for now with it.

Cars are driving pushing steel
Drivers in a hurry.

The squirrels outside, take natures ride
No longer do they worry.

The pollution down on the other side
Of town makes its debut.

Bars down the road filled with drunken loads
Hurt and pain, filled with cigarette ****'s.

Streets cracked, cement chalked
By the little ones who don't care.

I wish I was young, again not to stress
Of the adulthood that I've arrived to here.

Hold me like a mother.
Kiss me like a sister.
Teach me like a father.
That I may be your brother.

I awaken to primitive forces,
My hand at her hip,
Like two flawed crystals
With eager flashes
With no grace in morning ***.

The longings drained,
And a hangover settles over noon.

The most uncomfortable peculiarities
Sit in like an unwanted listener,
Like a vagrant flower she eats
Whatever I threw on the table.

And I never knew my ex this well,
Still at least I knew her last name.

Inflated situation with irony
And absurdities between adults
Who for all adulthood are acting
Like nervous teens,
There's to be no encore ***.

"I'll call you"

Was that a question?
I wonder,
I close my door like the saddest clown.

We are soldiers joined in battle.
Fighting a war, fighting a war.
We belong to one healing centre.
Fighting dying, fighting dying.

Tubes
and
needles
are
our
weapons.
Pills
our
defence
against
the
enemy.

The light shines in my eyes.
The bed I am on is comfort.
In my thought processes
are the many situations
I've collected in this life.

It's not been too bad,
this past I review.
There have been
some disappointments.
Not uncommon
nor unexpected.
But the happiness
outweighs
the
tears.
The
melodies
pleasant
to
the
ears.­­

I suppose I am ready
to be with my comrades
in the Armageddon of
this unholy war.

We are champions of pain.
Joining forces, joining forces.
We march in determination.
In our hearts, in our hearts.

Some of us shall fall
in this ongoing struggle.
We
shall
mourn
their
deaths
and
celebrate
their
courage­­.
Carry on beating the
drums of resistance.
Carry on hoping
for victories to be.
And
if
I
join
the
defeated,
if
I
die
before
my
time;
remember­­
that
I
tried
to
float the balloons
in the winds
of flying illusions.
Look for me
in
the
air.