do you know how hard it is with people asking me left right and centre
won't stop saying your name
and i have to explain that you still love me but not the same
and when i tell them you left me they look at me so incredulously
"he doesn't know what he's missing"
but the thing is neither do i

who will fix me now
"i don't need you to ride in on your white horse and save me, i'm not broken - i don't need fixing."
but that doesn't stop me thinking
if i wasn't saving your soul - then you were saving mine
only want to ******* and then ******* up

wish i was kissing you instead of thinking about you

and i am still waking up at 3 am as if i can still hear you breathing
next to me
but you're not there and the bed is cold on the side where you slept
only when it is dark and the house is still to i let myself
be surrounded by things that remind me of you
your ***** pyjama top and that stupid ******* sweater
my pillow still smells off you so i singed the edges when i was drunk
and it's just another thing to add to the list of things i regret

"why is your lip all cut up?"
it's because if the sadness got a hold of me
and if i felt so desperate that i kissed another, it'd
hurt and i'd condition myself the only mouth that eased the ache
was yours

i guess you just didn't love me anymore

i wrote these poems about two different boys
past and present
maybe i jinxed it and that's why
everything's going wrong
something's always wrong
anything i say is wrong
cheap tobacco and ugly words and sharp edges
i don't want to die anymore and that's worse because at least when i wanted to die i found comfort knowing i had a backup plan
but now im stuck gasping thinking i was gonna be some one
and growing everyone always does

im a useless excuse of a human being
im tired of being sad
and im changing everyday
because i promise someday
i can make myself feel alive
and i can't promise i'll be everything i need
but i'll give myself everything i've got
i'm not the perfect girl
and i can't shake the feeling that
i can't get anything right
but i make a lovely mess
and how can people pin their happiness
on another person when they can't even love themselves?
can i give you a piece of advice from somebody:
(who’s been through this a few times already)  
trust your gut
my biggest mistake was thinking someone else could fix me
only i can fix me
im going to spend my life trying to feel alive
whispering i am broken and a wreck
but i'll love myself until im dead

"i used to be pretty"
until you left me used up and sad and drunk
perpetually waiting by the phone for you to pick up
and tell me that i was worth something
i know girls like me, we are low rise
gold eye shadow and binge drinking
we are nicotine breath and storm cloud eyes
and glass shard touches
we are /ugly pretty/
im tired of the feeling here it's too near to death

these are getting old
im trying to sound like someone else when im writing
(don't you think that's ******* stupid?)
not like when we made forts out of each others arm
and slept safely
(no one sleeps cuddling; it's hot, it hurts, it's uncomfortable)
but we did.
took anything to fix the pieces inside
(broken hearts and homes and rivers of hormones)
and my eyes the desert where the crows find their homes
dry eyes of days like today
(when everyone wants a slither)
and im tired - don't want to pretend

little did i know sadness was contagious
and by the time i did it was too *******
late

seven was our lucky number
(i hate you, i hate you, i hate you, i hate you)
(i hate you, i hate you, i hate you, i hate you)
(i hate you, i hate you, i hate you, i hate you)
(i hate you, i hate you, i hate you, i hate you)
(i hate you, i hate you, i hate you, i hate you)
(i hate you, i hate you, i hate you, i hate you)
(i hate you, i hate you, i hate you, i hate you)
not so lucky anymore

i used to kiss girls
and i used to kiss other boys
then we started kissing each other
i bet i tasted like glass shards yet you told me
i tasted like butter toffee and dish soap
and somewhere - can't pinpoint when -
i believed you and
forgot what the difference was