Some things,
those acts we did
in rapture
will stay with me
forever.

Someday
they will
lie down with me
quietly
in the grave.

And though
you are gone now
my love,
rest assured
my lips are sealed
to the bitter end.

none reads
I feel like I have been jilted
by my dreams
like finding my best girl with
oh hell, I won't go there.
I get so downright  frustrated
now since , ( her name was Jezebel,
his was Anthony,)
I drifted again...
now I get frustrated
when Hello Poetry goes down,
just reminds me of finding
Anthony with a big smile,
Jezebell on her knees...******

it is hard to keep arranged the dichotomies when
you are strange
harder to line up the theme with meaning when
you forgot the dreams
I forgot the cast, the leading lady, the antagonist,
the hero the villains,
the theater where it all takes place.
When the curtain dropped,
the flowers died, the audience no longer cried.
But some of us remained.
long after the echoes died
the bouquets dried up
the house lights came up
showing the mascara running
wild down our
lonesome faces.

there's a picture on a shelf
of a former self

stuck between two stacks of books
looking for all the world
like myself

with no one else beside me
somewhere on a highway
going my way

hair and sand in the wind
sun in my eyes

looking free.

priest nor sinner
just me alone on this stool,

24 oz of drool left
one pen and a full
notebook.

scribbled full by nicotine
stained fingertips
digging through an ashtray
for one last ****.

three days of ***** dishes
awaiting my attention,
(i have more spoons, so)
I peer into this CRT
looking back at me
with only one page
remaining, available, left,
to explain to the world,
how I felt.

high school sweethearts
a bit more in college
we were gaining
more than knowledge

we were two souls
with one heart
when one would end
the other'd start

picking up where we left off
life's circle not a line
no ending in our future
this was the grand design

i came home to an empty place
i did not know just why
no note, no rhyme or reason
she did not say good bye

fourteen years and there she was
looking lost outside my door
was it worth another go
hell, let's go at it once more

two days and she was missing
what i felt had been a lie
again, no note or reason
and again, no sad goodbye

picking up where we left off
life's circle not a line
no ending in our future
this was the grand design

time had passed quite quickly
the phone rang, she cried to me
fifteen more years were behind us
is this how  life should be?

we met for drinks and dinner
and before too much was said
we found a hotel 'round the corner
and we both tumbled into bed

in the morning, yes ...you guessed it
she was gone, i was alone
i called down for a taxi
i smelled her perfume on the phone

i saw it in the paper
two weeks ago she died
i felt sad that she was gone now
but, i couldn't cry, not if i tried

you see, we always seems to cross paths
no matter how, no matter when
i knew deep down we'd pick up
where we left off...some time again

picking up where we left off
life's circle not a line
no ending in our future
this was the grand design

I was
presumed missing on
an angry afternoons walk
across an ocean
of bitter pills
that swallowed themselves
in brown bottles
labeled caution
keep away from
me
and I feel
the scream of an angry after-blade scraping
across the glass that
keeps me
in this cell
you listening through
a telephone
grown surgically
from the hand
of providence
longevity
switching tables
when the waiter
wasn’t looking
to eat the camembert
the cream
and all the opportunity
that was supposed to go around
like loaves and fishes
but I only see
an empty pond
and you floating
fat belly
full of everything
except the guts
to come clean
and to even give
a good ******
but you don’t
and now I’m out
and you will
‘cause you’re *******
razor blades
and I understand
because
I would be to
if I were you
but
I’m not
don’t say I am
don’t ever say that
you know
that makes me feel good
when you’re on the floor
like
the ****
I ****
saying
“fark man
you’re free
you’re out
you’re clean”
and I’m all over
you
forever,
I am so over you
I’m all through you
I am you
I’m the lane
in your vein
‘freight train
to the brain’
I’m the reason
the mirror
barks back its bite
I am the only reason
you're out at night
I am your only ******* reason,
don’t forget it or
good night!


MChallis © 2015

That I know..

You are very much hurting everyday
You feel like you just can't get away
Tears of blood cloud in your eyes till you can't see
Hurting and hurting longing to be free

Tears congregate and form into a puddle
Silently you are masking the pain, the struggle
All these while you are suffering in silence
Quietly resisting the emotional violence

You lift your eyes, but dimmed with grief
Your sorrow lends but only weak relief
You die everyday, you are wearied
It's like you're dressed at the funeral of regret, not yet buried

The stabbing pain you don't wish to bare
Nothing could make you feel better even if you share
You are gathering the strength you have in your soul
To beat the drums, feed the fire with coal

You are dipping your pain in inkwell heart
And scrawling out what you are feeling
Those words becoming the tourniquet
You don't know when your heart will stop bleeding

In the real world
     I am merely a passerby.
Finding no home to call my own.

I walk the dusty ***** streets
                  So lost and all alone.
Why then should it be this way?
Is this the modern way of life?
   Am I to always suffer loneliness
        A life beset by doubt.

My place in the world,
Small, fleeting,
Stressful, insignificant,
Oh, but blissful, rewarding,
Earning your keep,
Meeting your goals,
Dealing with people,
Getting better every day,
Mastering your craft,
Oh the paycheck ain't great,
And I don't have a fancy education,
Nothing a book could teach me,
Or a teacher lecture me,
That could reach my core,
And fill the emptiness,
So I left.
And, now, like every American,
I fell down at some point but,
Yes, I'm Free!
Yes I'm finding what it means to,
Pursue being happy,
And I hate that you don't wanna be here,
I hate that you don't want to support me,
I hate that my journey takes me,
Far away from you,
I hate that, you look down upon me,
With half-fond memories, stained by,
All the hasbeens and could beens,
And almost was's that we were,
That maybe if I'd just never fell,
Maybe if I hadn't wasted that year,
Maybe if I hadn't needed you so much,
In the worst of ways,
Oh my if I had just stayed the way I was,
For a few years longer,
Your ghost wouldn't be here haunting,
Scathing, judging, from so far,
so near.
I need an exorcist, darlin,
you are my demon, you are my fear,
you are my nightmare, my everywhere.
I hate that I met you, that I loved you so,
To this day, pathetically, you are the,
one piece of my life that,
will always be,
missing.

Love transcends time and distance
Death cannot quell the loving heart
But each mile weighs a thousand pounds
And we are a thousand miles apart

Darlin' the universe has spoken
And rained down from the skies
Birthed reality in our souls
As it opened up our eyes

Life is bathed in hues of gold
The heart now beats in time
With souls who searched millenia
To be complete, sublime

But each mile weighs a thousand pounds
And we are a thousand miles apart
Love transcends time and distance
Even death can't quell a loving heart