queer.
one who shakes and quivers
with the slightest mention of death
one who has attempted suicide
over ten times
four over drugs
one who adores fuzzy animals (including bunnies)
i write haiku's
i write long poems
i even write stories
my cat and graduation and the joyous things in my life
my room brings back 1,000,000,000 truamatic memories
but
my moms my rock


eighteen is such an overrated age :(

you keep me awake,
i feel you in my veins.

I awoke in a forest
fog whispered through the trees
too thick to cut through
I brushed off the leaves

I tried to guess what time it was
it felt like dusk,
but my heart shouted "dawn!"
So I watched the sun to see
        where
          she
           went

She hung in the sky
just out of my reach
it felt like a minute
it felt like a week

Static and cold
while showing me warmth
                             "I don't believe you"
she retorts, "You don't need to"

It felt like nothing
and that's what burned

memories feathered at the edges
I chase your shadow as you tease
"too slow!" (and I already know)
dry leaves touched by a gentle breeze

I let myself rest and fall into your empty
wading through in search of your depth
swimming in circles, I let your waves carry me.
I sunk into your shallow as it’s all that was left.

you are a quiet chaos that I invite
a whisper in my ear when I'm trying to sleep
the jolt awake before I hit the pavement
but I always knew that you were just a dream

Quietly, now,
the words settle in my brain
with softer edges than before.
Shapes your mouth made
piece together, delicately, now
I look for the cause.

Patiently, now,
I hear your voice in pastel tones:
my spectrum blurs the shout.
A storm I only helped grow
settles silently, now
my eyes are on the ground.

Carefully, now,
I keep my own shades pale
enough to match yours.
Words coming out faint,
we sit, quietly, now
I understand the score.

And I will fall for you,
Not like rain
Or drifting flakes of snow,
But like the sun.
Everyday.
Endlessly.
Over and over again.