I'm a ticking timebomb
waiting to go off
so if you fiddle with my works
try not to sneeze or cough.

My wiring is fragile,
my casing needs repair.
The people who  assembled me,
they didn't really care.

But when I'm in a bad mood
you should all run in fear
cause this little boy does pack a punch
because I'm nu-clear.

They should keep me in a better state
make sure I am A1
because if I go off you know
you'll all be dead and gone.

Blistering feet, worn down to the bone.
Had to make my escape, they won’t leave us alone.
They beat and they whipped me to the edge of my life.
Even beating my children and ****** my wife.

If we retaliate it worsens our pain
and after they beat us, they beat us again.
They believe in their hearts that we are really no good
and to die for their cause is to do what we should.

People are Dying all over the place
but to those that are killing we don't have a face.
Our only defence is how fast we can run
as we try to elude where their bullets have gone.

So we run for our life and lots do not get away
this most ultimate price is the cost they will pay,
so I will walk to the end trying to find a new life
away from this horror, this turmoil, this strife.

Find somewhere that’s good and leave this hell far behind.
Somewhere I can mix with those peaceful and kind.
Where I walk down the street and I don’t have to cry
to the point of a gun just because I annoy.

Just for being a man, Just for being alive.
Just for wanting to not just to have to survive.
So I’m leaving this land, the land of my kind
and all of my possessions I am leaving behind.

In the hope for a place where we can at last find some peace
not ****** and hate from some elected thief.
Where starvation and drought is not worsened by threat
and the chances of living does not edge on a bet.

Where the toss of a coin can see a man dead
and a child will die for the lack of some bread.
I can no longer live, I think that I'd sooner die
so I'm walking away, no longer living a lie.

So off I will be, bare heat and the cold
just having to travel with the things I can hold.
With package of morsels I might struggle to live.
We have nothing to own, we have nothing to give.

So my options are easy with this change I am trying.
Either get busy living or get busy dying.
Before me this journey so dangerous and fraught.
It will not be easy, It will not be short.

But tread on I must this is all I can say
and hope all goes to plan, trying not to delay.
Searching this World for a place to be part
and try to forget all the pain in my heart.

But first this long journey a long walk in sight
I will hide through the day and walk through the night.
The losses of life will with time become past
and if happiness comes then I hope it will last.

○●○

She desperately tries to fight
against the tide
knowing she's never been
strong.
The waves are overpowering.
Ignoring her struggle
they continue,  battering her
physically,
emotionally.
She is losing her fight
to get to where she needs to be.
Tempted to submit,
let go,
give in,
she relaxes her exhausted
muscles,
her exhausted self.
Holding her breath
and letting the current control her
she resigns,
just for today
and let's the tide decide
that it will take her
back to the shore.
Maybe she'll begin
to end it all again tomorrow.

○●○

Unfaithful Serpent of scorn, who art thou to lower
your sight? Casting me down beneath thee.
I think not, above own plateau is that of this Kings
Territory. Had I lesser demeanour it would be your
head. Glaring up at the block with rolling eyes of
Crimson glaze.
Away then to White Tower for this most personal of
torments. A lesson to be taught and yes most delinquent
of friend. I will engage precious and most valuable
time as tutor. In near future I do expect your values
will become distinctly comparable to this Royals own.
Under scrutinizer the truth shall become known.
My truth is without doubt. Would thee allocate to
question the word of a King.
If this be true all Hell will befall thee. Ponder well on
this should you doubt my resolve. Should you confess
before God and King answer then with your ink scribbling.
Should you speak true I will show lenience and mercy.
The block will be preferable to thee. The alternative to be
burned to ashes shall pray more wholly on your brow.
This decision is for your own conscience.
Right will raise its head in either forum. Why then keep
possession on the other?
Such is the error of your ways the axe-mans block is your
favoured direction. Your admission signs your own fate
but is of your own design. Free will brings confessional
signature to light of day.
This King is now professed to be unlawfully wronged and
once more is eligible to take his toll.

My mood again a steady constant
still low, always low but constant
so I seek the solutions, search for normal
I approach and offer myself over
to those, the better minds, the doctors
they are wise and educated and have magic
in the form of pills that I consume
reporting back the basics, this didn't work
that isn't helping so they raise and lower doses
prescribing cures in pills and always asking questions
writing this and that factual results down
they see errors in my mind and I feel restless
again and again changing their minds
as I consume and return the effectiveness or lack therein
all I ;want is the sky that felt light and tasted fragrant
yet so goes my search for my cure as each is different
seeking that fabled equalibrium, that balance
aiming for the land of sunshine and
the state known once as happiness
again, always where life is
and emotions can be steady,  ups and downs
continuously changing in workable highs and lows
but alas, I am unable, and I continue only to try
the new, the stronger the most documented cure alls
of more pill to be taken with water day or night
forever dosing, hoping and trying to find my life
chasing that notion of what it is to feel alright


by
Jack Fehlmann
2013