in the night time when dreaming is all there is
some strange messages are passed over
from the unconscious to the wakened consciousness
a remembered dream speaks its mystery
and strange affairs come alive in the living of it.

Trigger warning: Self harm, cutting, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts


I want you to watch
Watch me
Watch as I hurt
Watch as I abuse myself
‘Cause I don’t really care anymore
I’ll open my wrists
I’ll exhaust my heart
Burn out my mind
I’ll empty my stomach
I’ll tremble with weakness

I want to stumble and fall
I want you to catch me
Prove you care
Prove you’re there
Beg me to stop
Take the temptation from my hand
Share my burdens
Because I can’t bear them anymore
Not alone

Stay my hand
Take the blade
When I’m too weak to let it go
Tend to my wounds
Take away my chemicals
The ones I use to hide
Because you want to see me
Not my masks
Because you care
You want to care for me
You know I’m no longer capable

I want to be weak
I want to be ill
Starving
Shaking
Bleeding
Dying
And I want you
To care

I'm really good at falling in love with potential.
So put on a good face and tell me
A half true story and I'm sure
By the end of the day
You've probably sold me.

You've got me hooked
Cuz I bite the bait.
Ripped from the water,
Now scared of my fate.

Gut me open,
Skin me alive,
Peel off each individual
Rainbow scale,
Do whatever it takes
To make you feel more like the alpha male.

They always say,

"There's plenty of fish in the sea."

Well now there's one less of me.

with the returning of rain
comes the returning of snug

- a mind at rest a body laid back
and a soul at ease as rain plays her songs.

“I will love you forever”,
He said to you,
But when forever is over,
What do you do?
And what is forever, when someone is gone?
Without the clock,
Does time go on?
How do we measure the weeks and days,
When the calendar is taken away?
Numb,
I can hardly tell I am here,
So many chairs,
The covered mirrors,
Time to ponder,
Time to accept,
In 7 days,
I will reflect
B L Costello © 2019

I don't deserve what I have

1. I don't deserve to be alive
    So can I trade my life for
    Someone more valuable than me


2. I don't deserve to be loved
    So please give your heart to
    Someone who can love you more


3. I don't deserve happiness
    So direct your smile to
    Someone who will smile back at you


4. I don't deserve me
    So to myself
    Find someone else to be