I've reheated the same
Cup of coffee five times
This evening

Trying to write something
For myself that accurately
Describes how I experience

Often I am flooded in the ordinary
By the emotion and the density
Of life itself, in all its majesty

And sometimes I am left
Devoid of sentiment
In moments deemed worthy

I get lost in thinking of
The way the future will
Tangle with the present

I find myself stopped in
A memory as well,
A reminder, a fragment of past

The present is a fleeting concept
A paradox, I think
A circle of thought

At what point
Does the future become the present?
And the present become the past?

useless
I know the word well
liar* thief untrustworthy

Mother, if you can't handle me
Then  
Maybe you should have just
Let me swallow that bottle of pills

I don't care what you think of me
Just leave me
The hell alone

I just don't understand what's wrong with you
You say

I don't know
I think
What's the matter mommy?
Can't handle a less than perfect child
An addled young adult

You never seem to hear me when I'm  
Talking to you
Maybe you'll understand now that
I've etched into my wrists

No. You still wont listen
Maybe the cold dead body will help you understand

You never see
All the times I came home so high
So drunk
That I never went to class

You don't work
But you still can't do your job

I'll never stop being ****** up
You'll never stop looking t me like I'm still in a hospital
Like you will never trust me

No time to talk about boys, mommy?
Okay, but don't get mad when I don't know how to love, just how to spread my legs
I wish I could say I hate you
But I'm just tired of you

One of these days you're going to be looking at my body
Lying on the kitchen floor
Cold
Empty
Free
Joyful

You're going to wonder why

But it will have been too late
You wouldn't read the wrists
Or let me have friends
Or a normal **** life

But if I don't get any say in how I live
I'll be sure to orchestrate every second of my death.

I thought I loved the East Coast until I saw your eyes look back at me under the moonlight slipping through the window.
I thought I loved the East Coast until we were pressed together, laughing, trying to fit on your twin mattress.
I thought I loved the East Coast until I felt your breath on my neck at four in the morning.
I long for the Pacific and for you to take me there.

in and out
you look at me
like a circus clown
losing your teeth
biting on all
that candy

i could be next to you
but i still can't get
the rest of you
you don't like the sound of it
and i don't like the feeling

around and around
i'm sure by when autumn comes
you'll follow the sun back home

and i'm stuck with
my leaves changing colors

i may be the first
of the others

he'll call you pretty
he'll capture you with the sparkle of his brown eyes
and melodic laugh that'll ring in your ears for days
after the moment passed

things will escalate
your heart will race each time you hear his name
you'll admit to liking him
he'll say he feels the same

his lips will taste like honey
you'll love the taste, it'll be your  new favourite flavour
but honey gets too sickly when you eat too much

he'll call you good girl
then you'll realise,
you're not the only one who's been eating honey.