I still love you. Is that a bad thing? I can’t eat or sleep. My thoughts hallucinate at the mention of your name. I see your face. Everywhere; my dreams- you’re holding me close, and you never let go. Remembering that time we shuffled out over the desolate forest in our aging wellies- you’d squeeze my hand tighter for reassurance.  

I can still feel you’re warmth condensing against my skin. But it’s beginning to fade. .  And I’m lost. I’m beginning to drift away. Endlessly searching for that closure you bestowed within me. I need you. I’m lost without you by my side.

Everything seemed to erode when you’d left. The ache for forgiveness is still there and forever will be. You carved that dagger into my heart like it was funny. Like you found humor in my agony. It pierced through your azure globes as your smile widened at the excruciating pain you threw upon me. You just walked away and I shouted and I screamed;

COME BACK! COME BACK! COME BACK!

I just lay there on the ground. Numb.

You gazed deeply into my soul, robbed me from of the little purity I had left. You left me. Shattered. Broken. Unusable. You ripped out part of my heart as we said our goodbyes. And I still love you.

Strip enough lights from our lives
and you'll find that we're all blind.

Feeling along walls,
and stubbing our toes
in the long darkness.

Be my light, my Polaris,
be my full moon in the night,
and save me from myself.

Save me from this begotten hell
that we've so carefully crafted
within our own hearts and minds.

The hate is killing me.

These cigarettes hate you.
This beer hates you.
These shots of brandy hate you.
The blunt hates you.

But I swear I still love you.

I will drag my knife along your skin,
sharp blade down into your fragile, shaking canvas,
incising an increasing beat of whimpers and whines.
Please hold still. I promise this will hurt.

I will expose your clattering bones,
rip out your chattering teeth,
erase every impugned utterance
you muttered against me.
I will carve my letters slowly
on your unzipped frame,
sliding the burgundy blood across to
blot
       clot
              dot.    

This is only preparation for what is about to follow.

I will puncture your throbbing organs,
slash your stretched cartilage
with an unwritten script.
Before I press further,
I’ll assure you, you are still alive.

I will twist each phrase,
haunt you to believe it is your fault,
force you to beg the slightest escape.
I will permanently etch my name
deep in the frozen chambers
of your quivering heart.

I will open up the blueprint as a demolition expert,
remove whole fractions of your fractured soul,
leave you a horrid wreck in the abyss
of a mess you just made.

You will not get rid of me,
though no trace of evidence is left behind.

My hands have been clean from the start.

crawl inside of my body,
navigate through all the broken bones,
acclimatise to my blood to make me comfortable,
and find the delicate part you like about me.
then set it on fire.  
i like it when lovers leave scars.

Her.*
Her *smile
Her voice
Her eyes
Her love
Her laugh
Her warmth
Her existence,
My **everything

I thought about you
Just last night
And how we made love
One last time
And the way you wanted me
Had to have me
Like suddenly
Your ****** desires
Had been awakened
I remember the way you licked me
Like you were sorry you hadn't
For all those months
Like your tongue was spelling
Sorry into my skin
If I had known
That would be my last kiss
From you or anyone
I wouldve asked you
To swallow the ham sandwich
Just a little better
Or for you to kiss me
Just a little longer
Had I known
Or had I believed
The look in your eyes
We would still be
But alas I had finally learned
No matter how much you
Say you love me
You will still leave me
You will still
Say I'm not quite good enough
Had I known that I would never
See you again
I still would've held you closer
And rubbed your back
Or run my fingers through your hair
I would've begged for you to accept me
To just love me
But I was shattered when we made love
That's why I cried after
Because I knew
Deep down
I knew
I would lose
The one man I loved
Forever
I knew he would never
Hold me again
As I nestled my body into him
I just,
I knew.

When grey skies cloud my mind, he shows me how the sun can shine.
When loneliness takes over, he places his hand in mine.

When my teardrops produced rivers, his shoulders provide my dam.
When my confidence deserts me, he reminds how clever I am.

When at night I feel a chill, he cloaks me in his arms.
When fear takes a hold of me, he protects me from lives harms.

I shall always love him, his smile, his gentle ways.
My husband, my lover and my friend, forever throughout our days.