I  can not do this alone

Have you even cared
As I see it you hate me
Talk to me please..
Eventually I will stop trying

Yout are the one killing me
Out of my control
U*sually I try harder

Die, ambition; earth awaits
You'll lie there soon and there you'll stay
And apathy: your twin, I say,
Beside you I myself will lay
His cruel and contorted face
So bent from years of shunning grace
So trapped in his immobile state
Afraid to move for fear of waste
Such irony that now his fate
Is lying still within his grave

Some people have an IT that they must face
A beast ahead or demon on the shoulder
For them the IT is writ in upper case.

I fear that many men hide every trace
Of tears and self in masks appearing bolder
Some people have an IT that they must face

And those who gaze transfixed at the sheer pace
Of life's descent to dust, to rust and moulder,
For them the IT is writ in upper case.

My beauty meets her monsters every place.
And though I'm often there to hug and hold her
My darling has an IT that she must face

She battles them with discipline and grace
And lives by dint of detail, file and folder
Each labelled by an IT in upper case.

Though time will always catch us in the chase
It's fear of living true that turns us colder
Some people have an IT that they must face
For them the IT is writ in upper case.

punishment, not fit

for a velvet plaything

treated like lobotomized dogs

vast vivid wilderness of pain

will you ever see through the fog


the wretchedness I adore

in my head, eternal hell

taken for granted our prizes are mounted

the hypocrisy we deplore


punishment not fit for a mangled heart

blisters these hands twitch

to be found, all is lost to start

feel the nervous itch

There's not much out here.*
I only invite people who
Say just that

With a slight
Gasp of
Relief.

The last specks of snow on the
Fields disappeared with the parting
Of the clouds.

Now blue, the skies smile
Upon everything.
I spoke to a friend today.

The birds keep picking at the
Sunflower seeds I put out by
My window.

I spoke to a friend today.
Now my windows are eyes to my
Soul as I watch mud and dead

Grass kiss the sun back with nothing
But themselves. This spring, as every.
We are not beautiful yet.

But we love you for making us
That; green and alive. Spring is
Spring to everything.

Spring to everything, and not only  
The words of my friend's
Linger, but the feeling does too; that

When all is as beautiful as this,
I'm not the only one
Seeing it.

Blue is the boulder overlooking the bay
Loosely pocked by weather-worn stains
Unwavering guardian of all that lay
Enigmatic yet silently screaming its pains

Blue is the reflection dancing playfully
Laid generously by the twilight moon
Upon the vast canvas of the darkened sea
Elated ripples readily accepting such a boon

Blue is the halo encircling the moon
Lavish circlet gifted by the sun
Unnoticed by eyes that slumbered too soon
Evading the sands of time that run

Blue is the silhouette of a lone sailboat
Lurching and bobbing by will of the waves
Unknowingly catching the zephyrs that float
Eluding the fingers from watery graves

Blue is the man; perched upon the boulder
Lapping up the stars mirrored upon the sea
Usurped heart of his had never sung drearier
Ensnared by woeful wonderment...
                                           **that man is me...

for him:
he greets me goodnight and goodmorning everyday. he doesn't forget telling me to eat properly. he helps me to figure out what to wear. he doesn't let me wear revealing clothes even when it's really hot outside. he insists on walking me back to my house even though it's afternoon and there are many people outside. he always texts back. he met almost everyone i know in my life. he loves me. he told me that one day when he bought me ice cream. he knew my favorite ice cream flavor. he loves me. but i never wanted him.

for you:**
it's different. you might not always text back because i know you're busy. you might not talk to me when you're online but i understand. you might get jealous a little bit for what he's doing for me but i know you wanted to do that for me too, you're just a miles away. but i'm sure for what i'm feeling. you might not talk to me for one day and i could still wait for you until you do. i'd do that. because my feelings for you are far more different than i have ever felt in my entire life.