It is not greed, The thirst for riches. It is not ****, The hunger for skin. It is not wrath, The delight in spilled blood. It is not sloth, jealousy, gluttony, or pride. It is simply evil, Devoid of complexity, Absent and empty. It is all-encompassing, surrounding you, surrounding me, In a cloud of poison, toxicity.
I shut you out, With a false smile on my mouth. I let you in, Only enough to graze my skin. I open the door, Only to lay still upon the floor. I wake up in my bed, Only to gaze at the ceiling overhead.
It starts off small. A nag, here or there. Did you forget to do this, Did you remember to do that? It grazes the line. Did you check and re-check? Did you re-check again? It grows larger. How many times did you check? Could you check once more? Larger than you. Did you double, triple, and quadruple check? Did you do everything you could do? Obsessive, Cruel, Demoralizing, OCD.
Peace is a distant friend That rarely calls Never drops by for a coffee Or a casual conversation. Has Peace moved on, Found a better friend? While I sit here, bitter, Affected, Restless, Unsure. Peace, what can I do to bring you back?
Your ordinary day is very different from mine It is the kind of day that breaks into song That smoothly blends from one scene to the next With little complication or care to details It is a day I could only dream of. Though I rarely dream with this disease This illness running through every vein Turning my smiles into forced grins The light in my eyes dulling My hair and skin is tainted, touched by this sickness. I wake up every morning, toxins flowing through me. I wonder what it is like to have an ordinary day.
I crawl into bed, *****, Leaving no excuse to leave. My body melts into the sheets, Every limb relaxing, Every part of me letting go, Except for my mind. It races and demands my attention, Like a child incessantly tugging at my sleeve. I turn over and pull the blanket up. Warmth envelopes my fears, Engulfes my cares. Still, my stubborn brain carries on. I fight back with vivid fantasies of closing my heavy eyes. A fight that I win, at least for tonight. Goodnight body, goodnight mind. Tomorrow is another day.
I feel my dignity fall all around me A light melody Playing carelessly in my head A chorus of voices, In confusing, imperfect unison. They are here to stay, at least for today. It's the psychosis again. Sinking in.
The world may be dark and cold But I am no stranger Treated like an innocent, When I am everything but. I know how evil people can be, Though I have seen acts of great good. We have no way to predict And must let go of this desire To know and judge strangers.
Hold on to your pride. Clutch it like a mask On a diving, burning plane. Only let go when you're alone, Screaming as the altitude drops, Cold reality seeping in around you. Everything is falling, and you are mortal. You will finish in the same place As everyone else. You will breathe your last breath As everyone else. You will have regrets and questions As everyone else. Get ready to come down here With everyone else.
Sometimes I wish I could just hide from you, You, who feels only the cold touch of fear, You, who breathes in uncertainty. You, who sees treachery, everywhere. Cannot suspend belief, cannot find relief. You, who is too adult to bear. My patience for you is nowhere To be found.
What do I need But a beautiful day A tree that breathes, heavy and deep, The water under its feet. Sunflowers tilt their hats as I walk by I hear a baby bird cry. Its mother nudges it towards the ledge; I watch it fall then fly. It touches the sky. Is this all real? I am beginning to feel, Again.
Ah the snowflake Shiver and shake Quietly as an earthquake As it falls on my tongue The cold makes me numb As the white envelopes my black, Is there no turning back? The snowflake is a savior A product of our nature It dances with my despair It weaves hope into my hair Yet with every passing year The hope seems to disappear The smiles begin to fade The dullness won't go away Snowflake, you have pacified me. Falsely, I believed I was safe. So I must say goodbye forever Can no longer be tethered To your touch.
I touch the sky Trace the stars with my fingers Wonder why am I alive As I drift like the icy snow From the clouds to the ground Blowing over everything Blowing you off When you say I will be okay, That it will be alright.
She has been molded carefully, As she shuns all equality. Her arrogant smirk, That loud, interrupting voice Seeping with sarcasm, Cockiness. She looks at the world Through superior lenses. You are her next victim, Then it's on to another contender.
Sometimes I open a book Get lost in the pages, in a safe dream Sometimes I imagine a world Where everything is purple and beautiful My imagination is limitless, fearless As clumsy reality makes a new mess.
You made me feel like I couldn't do anything Like I was small, meaningless Like I was ****. You made me feel like a little speck of dust On an otherwise beautiful painting. You made me feel like the my world was ending. Holding your external success - charm and prettiness. I sat in the shadows of the storm clouds you summoned With the rain pounding on my bare skin Dripping cold and wet, a ***** mess. You disposed of me quickly, efficiently, Leaving nothing but a hollow body.
Can someone please Please take me out of this place Where I feel everything and nothing All at once Never did I ask to be this way Yet I am shunned and chastised every day Can anyone make this pain go away Can anyone give me a reason to stay?
She breathes underneath my skin Cannot hide her, she screams from within Her ugliness radiates throughout me She lacks all morals, all dignity Crawling on top of you, covered in poison She burns you alive with her acidity With her jaded touch I cannot love her, I resent her too much.
I never asked him to take it But then again, he never gave. He stole, he hurt, always betrayed. I never really wanted to lose it It slipped right out of my grasp Just imagine that, Right out of my grasp, Like a piece of yourself you can never get back.
I refuse to let these tears fall. I refuse to let you get to me. I have been strong for so long. I have broken down, shamelessly. I am human even when I don't want to be. Here I stand, looking you right in the eye. Give me your worst. I'm at my best.
If we could all hit a button to obtain love, happiness, and success, we probably would. Then regret would flood through us as we realized that effort and hard work make us complete, Make us alive. We would sit there with everything handed to us, And nothing to show for it.
You make the choice. You can either carry on, or give up. You can laugh about it or you can cry. You can keep quiet or speak your mind. You can cling to your independence with all your might, Or learn how to ask for and accept help.
I'm sitting here, sick. The poison of your words, it sticks. I take in a breath, try to calm down. I'm confronted with that nasty sound. The voice that always has something cruel to say. No matter how pointless, it is here to stay.