I feel the pain. I can feel it weigh me down. I asked a friend once, “how do you live with it?” And she answered me, “You just have to get used to it.”

I want to cry. I want to let the pain out of my system. I want to be vulnerable. I want to break. I want to show you the pain you’re causing me, the burden you are putting me through.

But what would that make me? Another you, probably.

scared, frightened, anxious
worried, jittery, nervous
“will i be okay?”

Yes, i have friends
...or do i?
you see, there is a difference between having friends
and having someone you eat your lunch with
...or is there?
no, no, no, let's not doubt ourselves
let's not overthink things
...or are we?
nonetheless, at least you have someone
it's better than having none at all
...or is it?
I'm lonely, aren't I?
i'm wasting my smiles, my stories, even probably my breath
with people who will never care
...or will they?
does this normally happen to anyone?
that even amidst a group of people
one could still feel very alone
that even when you knew them for sometime now
they still feel like strangers
...or is this just all in my head?

this is getting too toxic
in my hopes of getting the likes, the reactions, the followers i want from people
this isn’t healthy
for everyday checking my social media to check my inboxes just to see I received nothing from the person i wish would message me
this is not by the influence of our society
it is simply just me
with the idea that being famous
that by being loved by everyone
is the key
to get out of being lonely

did you
miss
feeling
like this
oh well, baby, i am back
hello,
i'm
here again
i've missed
haunting you
i've missed
the
darkness
inside
your head
i've missed
your
inner screaming
for
help
that
no one
can
ever
hear
i've missed
this
i
won't
go
away
not for a very long time
i
won't
leave
you
as some always do
i'll stay
for as long
as
you give me a reason to
i'll stay
because
i know
how
much
you love
having
me
around

today, i will write
the fantasies in my head
only through the air

i think people like me very much
because they include me in their groups
they like me not just because i’m funny
but also because i always open a topic
that makes them talk a hell lot about other things
they sure like me very much
i can feel by the way they avoid me (subtly)
they also open my messages very often
to not hurt my feelings, they don’t say anything
aren’t they so considerate?
oh, they sure are
that’s why i like them very much too
ain’t i lucky to have found someone like them?

you're allowed to be okay
as you're allowed to be not okay
you're allowed to smile
as you're allowed to frown
you're allowed to dream
as you're allowed to wish
you're allowed to cry
as you're allowed to keep it in
you're allowed to scream
even if it's only inside your head
you're allowed to do whatever the hell you want
as long as it's not against the law (maybe)
you're allowed to be happy

so, why can't you?

we hate it so much when things don’t go our way. we don’t like it when people notice the bad things about us (and comments about it). we get mad when they have opposite opinions or suggestions of what we want.

and it’s normal to feel that way. normal to get annoyed, to get stressed, to feel angry, but it shouldn’t always be like that... because maybe it wasn’t just the right fit. maybe there are more things you need to learn and accept, like his/her opinions or suggestions. maybe we shouldn’t get so full of ourselves to think that we should always be right, that what we want is better. maybe we shouldn’t be like that. because theirs might be the best but because you forced yours to be right, it just gotten worse.

I like how the air smells just before it rains. I like how it turns cold and dark. It makes you want to snuggle more in your bed. I like how the lightning strikes from a distant. Its deep rumbles comfort me and the light it gives is just so beautiful. I like how any mellow music goes with the whole thing just before it rains. It turns the whole song into another level. I like how quiet the whole area goes. It gives you peace and it makes you relax after a long tiring day.

Then the rain will come. Slowly, like it’s unsure if it’s okay just to pour it all out... I like rains. Sometimes it makes me wish for the storm to never end. Its like my whole entire being, baring its soul to the world, the way I couldn’t do it.

playing with words
is so much better than
playing with feelings
be a poet
instead of
a heartbreaker
makes you cooler
or stay
looking like a
“*******”