i just watched forever slip into fifteen minutes. and then i watched fifteen minutes turn into nothing at all.

I think that I have fallen for someone new but the scars from my last attempt at romance still burn. I have to bandage them medicate them hide them.

Every day I say that it will be the day. I will tell him but I don't but I can't but I'm scared.

**** **** **** everyone everything that has led me to this thought that I am nit enough. People do like me.
Right?

We watched anime today and I thought of ways to talk about how I feel. About this train that is moving around in the railroad track of my heart and how I'm not sure if it will drop me off in the safety of his arms or in another train wreck.

I was brave. I said I wanted to go to Branson. To silver dollar city and he thought it was a good idea.

Besides. I need this friend. I can't. I may not be good enough for anything more and maybe I am but I'm so scared that I don't know if I'll find out.

11.11

Long brown hair
Foolish eyes
Broken heart
Twisted cries

How the hell am I pretty?

I rely on self destruction as a distraction from real life.

That's not pretty.

I'm falling far too fast for a man I've known for 2 hours.
And he leaves the country on Monday.
And he's back in August.
These things happen in movies.
Boy meets girl.
Girl meets boy.
Whatever way around it was.
But the drinking in the afternoon
And the random topics of conversation.
And inviting me to your last gig in a shabby little pub on a Sunday night.
These scenes are made for film screens.
Not for my small town, broken life.

It's 3am and I'm fighting back the memories of you.
But you're breaking through all of my defences.
I just need to feel your touch one last time.
I might be greedy but I miss the nights you were mine.
Darling please.
Why did you leave like that.
Whispers in the hallways saying you would love to have me back....
But nothing.
No phone calls.
No messages.
No letters.
It's 3am and the only way you're with me right now is because my memory can't seem to erase any moment of when we were together.