Its 6 am,
and the clock
on the wall,
keeps me awake,
makes me aware
of time ticking by.

My heart broke,
a long time ago
and i don't think
i can ever
be whole.

Be careful
who you push away,
because you might push
too hard
and they will walk away.

And once they're gone,
you'll need them
and miss them
and you'll be hurt
because you hurt them.

and then
you'll be alone
and regret
will eat you alive
because you pushed away
your life
and your happiness.

Filled with guilt
because you hurt them
by hurting yourself.

I caught you staring
at me,
you looked away,
and pulled
your sly
little smile.

I've been warned,
from the very first day,
to stay away.

But like our first
impression,
you're hard to forget.

You caught me staring
at you,
and i didn't look away.

You have my attention,
a forbidden engagement.

I'm starting
to forget
your sweet voice.

The way
you laughed
and the way
you made
me feel.

Like I
was special
and the most
beautiful flaw
in the world.

I'm starting
to forget
the moments
we shared
and the love
that i felt.

I don't
remember you
as clearly
as i used to.

I tasted a hint
of champagne
in your kisses,
as the clock
struck midnight,

as you carried
me into
the new year.

And you asked,
is he bad poison?

The truth is,
he changed me,
made me happy
and helped me
feel special
and beautiful,

things that
never happen.

But yes,
he is bad poison,
a disaster
waiting to happen.

I find myself
thinking about him,
every second
of every day.

I smile,
at the memory
of him.

I enjoy
Every moment,
I spend with him.

I can feel myself
slipping on
the edge,
falling in love
with him

And then i realize,
he doesn't
feel the same,
he never will.

I'm falling,
And i know
he won't be there
to catch me.

He sat there
on the edge of my bed,
playing with the strings
on his guitar,
stringing me along.

Pulling me closer
with his voice,
beautifully bruised,
carrying me in.

The moonlight complementing
his every note,
every inch of him.

Buried diep.
Lost within a fantasy.
Lost in this room
with a melody,
and a voice
so addictive.

He sat there,
smoke and moonlight,
playing his guitar.

Every night
I fall asleep
to your voice,

even when
your not there,
playing your guitar
next to me
in bed.

Your voice
echoes around me,

even when your not
sitting on the counter
playing your guitar.

Your that little voice
that echoes
inside of my head.

Even when
your not with me,
I hear your voice.
I hear you,
playing your guitar.

I pushed you away,
you were supposed to
know why,
you were supposed to
know me.

I pushed you away,
because
i was afraid,
of my feelings

and the fact
that i became
so dependent
on you
for my happiness,
you were responsible
for everything
i felt inside,

that terrified me.

You knew too much,
you knew me too well.

I was afraid
of losing you,
getting hurt.

Guilt consumed me
and i went back

and it was
the best decision
i've ever made,

until...

but now you left.

You're gone,
and i'm hurt
and i don't know how
not to blame myself.

I find myself
staring at the tv
infront of me,
and i miss you.

I miss your
silly faces,
your reactions
and reenactments,
of a show
playing in the background.

I find myself
being lonely without you,
your presence,
longing for you
to be here.

I disliked you
the moment i met you.
I grew to hate you.
I grew to like you.
I grew to love you.

I hate how you
forced me
to listen
to your loud
metal inspiration
and your ****** rappers.

But i love how
you sang
loudly in your car
for the world to hear.

I said that you were crazy,
you laughed
and said
who cares.

I hate how
you complimented
every single girl
with me,
but me.

But i love how
you looked like
a little,
innocent,
happy kid
when you laughed.

But i love how
you enjoyed
the brownies
that i baked you
and that thankful
look in your eyes.

I'm that girl,
the best friend.

Pushed aside
into a box,
waiting for him
to grow tired
of his shiny,
expensive,
new toy.

I'm that girl,
stable,
always available.

Only used
when the new toys
are broken.

I'm that girl,
forever
a best friend and
never
a girlfriend.

Is he really
the same guy,
i fell in love with
that one December?

Is he the same guy
who made me laugh,
made me happy,
every single day?

The same guy
who stayed up
with me for hours,
watching movies,
listening to music,
and who played
me, the most
beautiful music
on his guitar.

Is he the same guy?
Because i don't see it.

He once called me
beautiful,
now he doesn't
call me
at all.

He's a silly guy,
not a care
in the world.

He drinks himself
into oblivion,
smokes his lungs
to ashes.

He swears
like a sailor,
and sleeps around.

But he,
is so much more.

He's more
than what you see,
than what you hear.

Late at night,
in the middle
of the day,
when he's left alone,
he pours
his hungover
heart out,
into his music.

He's just a guy
ruined by life,
unsure of himself,
looking for a home.

I often miss,
the mix of
smoke
and ***
on your tongue.

The way
you smelled,
like smoke
and spice.

And how cute
you looked
in your high state.

You are a misfit,
that fit perfectly
into my heart.

I've become so numb
to it all
to everyone and everything
around me.

The fear of walking
over a buzzing city street,
has been replaced
by pure thrill.

Life knocks you,
runs you over,
catches you
unexpectantly.

My biggest fear of
hights.
Falling from miles above,
seems so dull
to the numbness
in me.

Grey clouds,
thunder,
scattered raindrops,
resembles all
I have to offer.

Far beyond my mourning period
and deep inside
this hole.

The loud bangs,
the thoughts deafening.

Grey clouds,
thunder,
scattered drops,
resembles
what i have to offer.

Nothing but numb...
That's all i am.

Wondering how
you can fall in love,
with a stranger.

Head over heels,
butterflies,
and love
at first sight.

The problem
with falling in love
with a stranger,

they don't feel the same.
To them you
are just
a stranger,
a random person
they met one day
in december.

Falling into
one sided love,
with a stanger.

Every princess
needs a rebellious
prince charming.

We all have
that one person,
who changed
everything.

Your personality,
opinions
and your life.

For me,
you are that person.

All it took was
a few weeks,
summer
and a guy like you.

Can i taste,
just taste
the sweet *****
on your lips.

Such a sweet
addiction,
you will be
the death of me.

That's all i've ever wanted,
someone to call my home.

Someone who would stare at me
with love in their eyes.

Someone to hold me,
someone to wake up to.

Someone who would stay up with me
when i'm stuck
with my sleepless routine.

Someone to hug,
someone to love,
someone who would care for me.

Love,
someone to call my home,
that's all i've ever wanted

All of these city lights
seem pointless to me.

They brighten
the roads we walk on,
drive on,
die on,
but not
our lives.

Home is where
the heart is,
my heart isn't here.

I saw you.
I met you.
I liked you.
I love you.

and then i remembered
why i fell in love with him.

his deep voice,
his dark eyes,
and wild smile.

that's why i loved him,

because of
all the little things
that makes him,
him.