give me your hands
take mine in yours
let me trace the lines of your palms
let me feel them against my own

for some souls are never strangers to begin with
and if many lifetimes do exist
i will ask for you in each of one
i'd pray to find you then—through them all

but if perhaps not in this life,
i hope you'd stumble upon a heart
that resembles yours

in French they don't say "i miss you"
but rather "tu me manques"
or "you are missing from me"

so tell me,
was it your presence that is missing?
was it your warmth against mine?

there is this big void in my heart
waiting to be filled
it longs for your shadow

& so i fill,
i fill,
i fill;
every void
every space
every hollow
with my own
until it’s spilled
& reach the edges
until it’s full enough
that it doesn’t require
anyone else—but myself

She has lost count on how many nights she spent alone,
spoiling her thoughts while sipping her whiskey at the balcony
looking at the stars and the moon with intimate longing,
and wishing to be one of them as if she was one, once

They say that to live is the rarest thing in the world,
as for her, life is always a puzzle with one missing piece,
an endless labyrinth with no way out, let alone the dead end
an unsolved riddles with no absolute clues, let alone the answer

Sometimes at times like tonight, she'd let her mind wander
to streets she has never walked before and people she has never met,
with language she barely understands nor familiar with,
thinking maybe solitude is not a bliss after all—it's an agony

Sore itu langit menangis sejadi-jadinya, seolah-olah mengamini resah hati yang dilanda lara. Kalau kita sedang melakoni drama, kuyakin bunyi tik-tik-tik itu 'kan menjadi latarnya. Kemudian sembari aku yang berurai air mata, kau pun mulai bertutur kata.

"Kurasa," katamu, "sudah tidak ada lagi yang tersisa di antara kita—selain sepasang raga dan nostalgia.

Namun tak apa, setidaknya aku sempat merasa bahagia dan lega luar biasa. Pertemuan kita adalah konspirasi terhebat sepanjang masa, yang disaksikan oleh seisi alam semesta beserta penjaganya, dan direstui oleh Yang Maha Kuasa.

Dan atas itu semua, aku bersukacita."

There are glory and victory in every battles
Yet there are more bleeding and suffering
Glory doesn’t bring back the dead to the living
Victory heals neither scars nor wound, let alone fixing the broken ribs

There are villains and heroines in every war
Yet there are more desolation and devastation
Villains are written in history by the side who wins
Heroines are what they call themselves after slaughtering the innocent

There are rebellion and revolution in every regime
Yet there are more poverty and misery
Rebellion is done by fewer people against jeopardy
Revolution is an act of people power against oppresive authority

Why do humans tend to appreciate life
when it feels like they are losing their grips?

growing up feels like i turned five two days ago
i've been fifteen for years
wasn't i twenty just a few weeks ago?
all my friends and i are still ten
the week is going by so slow
an entire year has passed

this year i'm turning 25; tomorrow is 30

i hope i remember to breathe

"Do you believe in love?"

she shook her head.

"Well, you know what love does to people—destruction," she whispered quietly.

his astonished eyes stared at her with wonder and confusion.

"Being in love means you'd be willing to sacrifice and risk everything for it; or even worse, fight against anything that against it. All my life, I only witnessed the kind of love that ruin one another."

"Look at Bonnie and Clyde. Look at ******'s love for his Arya race. Look at Confessions of a Shopaholic. Look at Gollum. There's a thin line between obsession and love, and sometimes you can't tell which one is which."

her eyes looked far across the city; as if she was longing for something. perhaps, he thought, it's true that woman is an open book, it's just most men don't read and it's written in ancient Greek.

"But how about your Mom? How about the owner of animal shelter? How about the Environmentalist? How about the firefighters and crisis call center officers?" he responded.

and in that very moment, she knew she was in safe hands.

As for her,

She might has forgotten
where the home is in the world

For she's always everywhere—
in every countries she crossed
on every streets she wandered
at every motels she spent the night
above the sand and ocean breeze
below the tallest buildings and crowded bridges..

But you,

You make her feel like
the closest thing to feeling that again

My dear sister, I’m sorry I wasn’t there
When they call you names and harass your crown on the street
When they tell you what you should or shouldn’t do with your body

My dear sister, I’m sorry I wasn’t there
When they pluck your honey against your will yet they tell them you enjoy it
When they touch your skin yet they left it bleeding and bruised

My dear sister, I’m sorry I wasn’t there
When they want you to cover your scars and pimples because they don’t meet the “beauty” standards
When they forcibly ask you to shave your hair because it doesn’t potray cleanliness and hygiene

My dear sister, I’m sorry I wasn’t there
When your rose is blooming and the moon is come but they show you their cold shoulders
When they make fun of your shape and laugh it off but they refuse to make a clean breast of it as an insult

Thus rise, dear sister
—for your pain is mine to carry
—for your wound is mine to mend
—for your war is mine to fight

We were tiptoeing
all the way to the kitchen
sneaking out like we used to
thousand of days before

The lights went off
he pulled me into his arms
all I can hear was his breathe
and his beating heart

Through his gaze;
I felt his warmth
Through his embrace;
I felt his longing

It’s almost as if
I can hear he said;
“welcome home”
without a word

It’s almost as if
all the goodbyes
were coming back
all at once

The dust is so lucky,
It gets to touch your sun-kissed skin and
caress your crimson hair that carries Summer memories

The sun is so lucky,
It gets to feel the warmth of your smile every morning
when you read your newspaper like it’s your breakfast

The moon is so lucky,
It gets to have your company every night when you dance to Frank Sinatra and having a glass full of bad wine

The stars are so lucky,
They get to feel your heartbeat echoes
while you were dreaming of some far away places

The galaxy is so lucky,
It gets to see its reflection through your eyes;
so crystal clear that it confuse the constellation

The whole universe is lucky
—but me

In this ocean of probabilities and uncertainties,
it's not death that I am most afraid of
since death is the only thing that is certain
yet, it's life and to be alive

In death, you only have one possibility
your nonexistent; an eternal darkness
of which light could never reach again,
even your loudest scream sounds like a long silence

In life, every steps taken create alternate endings,
perhaps sometimes you made the right choices
but when it comes that you didn't, it will haunt you
for the rest of your life that you'd start to wonder;

"what happened if you'd only brave enough to take the risk?"
"what's on the other side of the roads you didn't take?"
"what are the opportunities that you have missed?"
"what if what you thought was right, wasn't?"

Thus live, instead of just being exist and present
worry not of your demise, but every seconds you spent
for life and death is only as thin as a thread;
make sure it is worth your while

i.
Some say that before you breathe your last breath,
all your life will flash before your eyes
so tell me, what kind of life you'd want to have?

ii.
Some say that having your heart broken is like
having your flash ripped and your bones fractured
so tell me, will you regret to have fallen in the first place?

iii.
Some say that when you miss a dead person,
the Heavens will let your voice be heard
so tell me, what are the words you are going to say?

I remember they once told me that
music is the best time capsule

It's where people keep their secrets and feelings;
of their insecurities, their mistakes, their sadness, their first cut,
and even the wounds and bruises that invisible to the eye

It's where people let their wildest dreams alive;
of the one they can never reach, the one that will never come back, the one that got away without proper farewell

It's where people store their most sacred memories;
of their first kisses, their first love, their first dance, their first bucket of roses, their first heartbreak

So they were right after all,

Music is dangerous, yet addicting; it can either tear you apart or put the pieces back altogether, it depends on what kind of ghosts living inside the interlude

Thus, be careful who you listen the music with
some melody is louder than the others

**

Today I played the music box you gave me on my seventeenth birthday
How odd it is to realize that music sometimes can be a time machine, how every strings and clinks bring me back to you—towards you

Like the calm before the storm
Like the silence before the tsunami
Like the feeling when russian roulette spins
Like a rollercoaster after it touches the sky
Like a sandcastle when the tide is coming
Like a house of cards—
We’re in constant danger of collapse

I guess there are two kinds of people; The Sun and The Moon

The Sun kind of people are the ones who show the world how their presence is essential and inevitably crucial
While, The Moon kind of people are the ones who usually works behind the desk that their role is, no matter how significant, remain invisible

I guess there are two kinds of people; The Candles and The Matches

The Candles kind of people are the ones who would light up the others not minding how it could burn their own selves
While, The Matches kind of people are the ones who take advantages of everything for the sake of their own good without thinking it may harm and hurt the others

I guess there are two kinds of people; The Sunrise and The Sunset

The Sunrise kind of people are the the ones who meant to stay in our life, to finally prove that not everything is temporary, that sometimes people and things could last forever too
While, The Sunset kind of people are the ones who has always meant to teach us lessons from the very first place, but that doesn't make it less of them because a part of them will always exist on the darkest corner of our heart

Substance over form
depth over surface

Layers by layers—
see me raw

The best gift one could give to another is a clock
Simply because it is a constant reminder that;
nothing lasts forever; that our time is not limitless

The 'tick' and 'tock' that never stop warnes us in which
the time passes us by with or without announcement
For its nature is to remain constant and eternal

Maybe that's why us, humans, we tend to regret
the time we didn't cherish and spend well enough
—because our nature is never safe and sound

'though time was brief—your light was vast
your presence lingers; your memory stays
in the warmth of my hand, where I brushed you off my fingers

in the softest light of fading days,
unconditional, unexpected, true,
grief may weigh, but love won’t bend

pay me a visit through my dreams
play with me as I will feed you your favorite treats
tell me about the rainbow bridge

a love unplanned, in fur and bones
you have brought us so much joy
Yet in the silence, sometimes I would hear your bell as you walked by

Through the gap
between paragraphs,
I found remedy

Through the pause
between melodies,
I found serenity

Through the crack
between shattered glass,
I found wisdom

Through the space
between His fingers,
I found home

though tough decisions;
more ofthen than not
i question & constantly challenge myself

is this what you seek in life?
are the hardships you endure reflect growth—
or is it just you forcing against the universe?

notice how your surroundings revolve,
take part in what you believe in;
do you receive the sign you are looking for?
does it speak to you?

all my life i believe
i have always been guided
towards where i am meant to be

so my answer to all of that is yes
have faith; be patience
you will get there

Minutes and hours flew by
yet none of us hang up the phone

Conversations and silence filled in
but none of us decide to sleep

Some nights I can't recall
whether or not it's real

Sometimes I wish it didn't
—most of the time I wish it did