The hardest part is realising
That I will always love you
And you'll always love someone else

It's the curse I've been burdened with
To watch the ones I fall in love with
Fall in love with other boys
Like a flower that's shriveled and died
I watch you pick a new bouquet
Of pretty faces and enchanting eyes
But just as always
I'm stuck on the floor
Every dried petal trampled to oblivion
I relive it everyday
Like a hex that forces me to die
At the strike of twelve

And when that clock strikes midnight
I'm reborn
I'm cursed
With a reoccurring nightmare
Where my heart is put out on display
For all to poke and pick up
Only to watch them throw it down and Step on it without remorse
And years ago

I used to sit and wonder
Why I'd always been left behind
Alone and naked
Begging for you to pick me up
And hold me like you used to
When we first fell in love

But I came to realise
That I'd ended up alone for a reason
It wasn't love you were seeking
It wasn't love any of you were seeking
It was entertainment
And I was the naive little clown

All of you crushed me
And I stood silent
I couldn't move
How could I have?

I stared at the ceiling
With the blankets expression on my face
I thought of my future
Along with all my past failures
My life seemed to mimic
A locomotive that had lost its breaks
I was moving in a singular direction
With nothing to stop me
I thought of all the people I've hurt
And those I've yet to betray
I peeked at the corners of my room
They grew darker with every blink
They bore a striking similarity to my life
It all seemed to grow dark
From the outer corners in
And I was the middle
I'm always the middle

I sew my wounds shut myself
And every time the neddles passes through
I curse your name
I know I shouldn't blame you
But I haven't the courage to blame myself
And I know it's not your fault
But it's so much easier to say it's yours
So I'll keep on screaming your name
Every time my body hurts
And I'll think of you when
My bones break and my skin bursts open
I'll see you in every shadow
And I'll lace every cigarette
With the image of your face

And I'll keep blaming you
Untill I can finally blame myself
But for now
Here's to you
You've turned my heart cold again

My stem has grown bent and ugly

And my petals have holes

From diseased bugs that have nibbled on my precious silk

My leaves are dry and tinted yellow

And my pollen is putrid and stale


---


I watch the other flowers grow green and tall around me

Their blooms burst and **** the eye with colour

Passersby stand still

Mesmorized by the utter beauty of my poison friends

They pick and pick and pick at them

Their petals full

Their pollen intoxicating every hand that touched them

Yet I stood bent

Still rooted and hoping to be plucked

But they spit on me

And the other flowers laughed

I was useless in their world


---


So I wilted faster and knelt closer to the ground

I slowly fell

Each piece of my body decayed and went back to the ground

And I sprung up weeks later

Among all the perfect blooms


---


I was reborn a ****

Much bigger than the pretties beside me

Yet they still laughed

So I grew

And I ate their sun

And I breathed in all their air

Now they're wilting faster than I ever did

They'll soon be gone

And i'll be the only one left

But I guess it doesn't matter anyway

They still pass by without even a glance

It seems it was all in vain

Because I'm wilting

*again

It's that burning sensation in my chest
That let's me know
That you were never there
And you never will be
And every spark we made
Would lead to embers
And all those embers
Caused a blaze
We burnt this ******* house down
And every memory went with it
Nothing was left
Absolutely
*Nothing

I think I'm falling in love with him
But I can't muster up the courage to tell him
Because love is such a dangerous word
And I can't let stupid words
Push him away.


*He is my flower.

The sun that lines your lips,
Made me think of you
Everyday since then.
It's the rush I felt from kissing you,
That keeps me up at night.

Was it the immeasurable light
That radiated from your laugh?
Maybe the way each flower
Bloomed in your direction
Or each star
That looked away in envy?

It all comes back to me,
The feeling of walking on air
And tripping on every step.
The comfort you made me feel
When I was nervous as hell.
They way you put galaxies in my eyes
And made roses bloom
In each lung.
The way the littlest things remind me of you.

Everytime I hear you voice
I feel a rush of releif.
But still I sit and wonder
How someone so beautiful
Someone so extraordinary
Someone who'd put the sunset to shame
And make every orchid sigh,
Could have found something to like
in me


*Floof

The moon
Was in your eyes
The entire time.

It hid behind
Two dark pupils
And a gaze
That said
I'm sorry,
For what I'm about to do.

I find myself*
drifting, day by day
falling in love
with empty souls, one after another.

I stand and stare
I watch them pass me by.
Their ice
just as cold as mine.

I know they see me
they see the pain
they see the emptiness, they know it all too well.
They crave the things they cannot have
they fall in love with the illusion
that two empty beings
can coexist
*and create love.

Love doesn't exist in the way people think it does.
It has nothing to do with ****** fulfillment,
It isn't the spark you feel
When seeing someone you could spend
The rest of your life with,
It isn't a fairytale
Where someone will protect you,
It isn't the emotional fulfillment someone gives you
When they say those three words,
It isn't remotely close to the ******* people say love is.

Love is the most beautiful disaster,
It's that feeling of utter sickness when they're not around, It's not wanting to speak to anyone else,
It's understanding a person as being more than a person, They aren't human anymore,
They're a dream you don't want to walk up from. Regardless if it's a nightmare or not.
Love is the lightning attracted to the tallest tree,
Love destroys you,
Than builds you up again and destroys you once more. Love is the fire that consumes an old photograph.
Love is the hand you keep reaching for that isn't there. Love is everything and nothing at once.
Love will always **** you, there's no ******* doubt it will, It'll drown you in a river, it'll let the blood drain faster
From your wrists,
It'll make the ground hit harder,
But in the end love sets you free,
Love let's you know that you lived for someone so beautiful all the happiness in your life
Had to look away
Out of pure jealousy.

Love is the un-pickable flower.

Eyes cold as stone
Tongue whipping cruel words
I walk the earth alone
Afraid to love a single being
Afraid to let a ray of sun caress my face

I walk through the rain
Each drop cascades
Down my face
Like warm black velvet
It treasures me
My lonely existence
My isolation
Each drop calls to me
It reminds me
That my life
Is not as empty as I thought was

But still I stand out in the blackness
Of the storm
Holding my chest
Waiting
*For you

Being forgotten
Is like dying.
And frankly,
I'm taking
My last
Few
Breaths.

I lay here restless
My mind carving a path
Through the air in this room.
I think of all the things I've done
And what I've yet to do.
The clock ticks
And the dark corners of the room begin to grow.
Still I lay here
Waiting for a reason to sleep
I lay here waiting for the sun to tell
The story of a new day -
I lay here waiting to feel
Something more than I felt yesterday