If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?

you're smiling at me
is it pity?
it doesn't quite reach your eyes...

'they feel sorry for you'

you're laughing
is it real?
there is an edge to it...

'they don't find you funny'

you're telling me to be happy
but my voice is comming from your lips
"stop being sad, you're annoying when your sad"

'they want you to leave'

im doubting every expression you make
every word spoken turns against me
the world is no longer welcoming

'they are telling you what you already know'

"YOU DISSAPOINT ME"
"YOU NEVER LEARN"

'do it'

"WE DON"T NEED YOU"
"STOP BEING SAD"
"YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE SAD"

'do it'

"UGLY"
"FAT"
"STUPID"
"DEPRESSES"

'do it'

"IWILLNEVERLOVEYOUYOUWILLNEVERFITINALONELOOSERWHYCANTYOUJUST­BENORMALWHATISWRONGWITHYOUSTUPIDSTUPIDSTUPIDJUSTGOAWAYWEAREBETTER­OFFWITHOUTYOU"

'DO IT'


























































sto­p
please
just stop






































but the words aren't yours

they're mine

sometimes the jokes go to far
but i still laugh at them
because i know that if i say something
you'll only laugh at me more

so i sit and i smile
and pretend everything is okay
so that i can try have a normal life

but eventually
i wont be able to handle it anymore
and you'll be able to see me
soaking in my blood filled tub