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 Dec 2017 Chris Balase
Justin
I get the same question from people
The question why
Why wont you give up on me
Or
Why wont you stop helping me
I love helping people
People who experience the same pain I feel
So let me help
Even if I cant see my own light
I can see yours
So for once
Let me show it
and making me want to die was something you were always good at.
not in a bad way
because for someone who has been suicidal since age 11,
that means you made me feel something.
feeling something has been a problem of mine for a while now
i either feel it all or nothing
and my therapist tells me that's
"black and white thinking"
and i tell her
"no, it's realistic"
and she laughs and tells me i must be colourblind
but the world has so many different tones of grey
and i tell her i know
i just can't see them yet
and she sends me home with a worksheet to fill out
she says bring it back tomorrow for our next session
but the worksheet asks me questions i don't have the answer to
"what's your favourite shade of grey"
almost arbitrary
could be written off
but i feel the breath catching in my throat
because i don't think about grey anymore
grey reminds me of the colour in your eyes
a colour chart that ranges from silver lining
to solitaire
you've ran off again
and i have to be honest
i'm glad that when
you left
you left
me colourblind
because i can't see grey without thinking of you
and i can't see your note so it's another night of feeling nothing
feeling something
feeling it all
 Dec 2017 Chris Balase
larissa
maybe
when you left
those scars
on my heart
i became
a beautiful poet.
my heart was too precious to fall in love with someone like you
I'll no longer deliberate
not on my side anymore is time
old age comes too soon and is abhorred
it announces: 'Beware of the pending final outcome'.

I'll no longer weep
tears should be left
buried under the river
of the past--not to be delved.

I'll no longer beg to be loved
it shall be mine if such I deserve
if I've been true and in faith abided
love's gentle cradle shall be my preserve.

I'll no longer be on any search
joys and sorrows--they have my life shaped
into the labyrinth of my heart they have ******
in their wordless mysteries I'm draped.
I am sewing a dress
with the thread of strength,
And knots of ambitions,
And when it’s ready,
Then will iron it
with the remission,
I am sewing my broken soul!

By: Nida Mahmoed.
Taking long drives,
Through these country roads,
Catching butterflies,
And memories along the way,
Taking advantage,
Of the nicest of days

Dipping our feet in the sea,
Of sheer iciness,
Instantly feeling like needles,
Prickling our toes,
But we keep running as far as we can,
Holding hands,
as we go.

Eating a lemon top,
In freezing cold weather,
Not a single care,
When we're together,
Villages, pubs,
And countryside,
Our two hearts,
Will be full inside.

Even as summer passes through,
We always go back,
To that cosy shelter,
Whilst you're wearing 3 layers,
And my best sweater.

Birthday on the London eye,
Trying to count the bowler hats,
From up in the sky,
And seeing how many bulldogs,
Walk closely by.

Queuing for hours on end,
But filling in that empty void,
We call conversation,
Psychotic bond,
No hesitation.

I remember at the royal wedding,
As they passed by,
New princess with her dress sparkling,
I whispered in your ear,
You look much more beautiful, my darling.
 May 2017 Chris Balase
Chris Vans
I left you in the woods
Now you can haunt me
 Apr 2017 Chris Balase
Mike Adam
How lonely I am today
Tiny speck in all
Empty immensity.

How alone am I today
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