Recovering hope,
Lost in footsteps traveling.
Going no where soon

4:38 am
And I am thinking about you constantly.
Trying to make you the last thing that crosses my mind.
So that I can hope for any sleep tonight.
The only way I ever sleep these days,
Is in the nape of your neck with your hair like cherry blossom trees,
Dangling over me
It’s wishful thinking I suppose,
To dream of you fighting my woes.
Truth be told, you’re so much more
Like a partner, a friend, a love, my amour

Describing how I feel about you is like describing the sun.
Warm, powerful, full of light.
It's true, you are all those things but you are also so much more.
You are more than the warmth I feel against my chilled skin after your every touch,
You are more than the light that radiates out of your glimmering soul.
You are emotion, the tireless feeling of inexplicable admiration
And how your love permeates itself in my body.
It feeds me with your passion, so my taste for it has grown.
Your endless yearnings for me make me never go to bed hungry.
But I thirst for you and skin and your heartbeat to the rhythm of my own.
You are entirely fascinating, captivating me in every breath you breathe.
How I wish others could see how much more you are.

im not a doll,
i will not break.
so please just ******* drop me

i will share my pen only long enough for you to carve the words
“alone”
into my skin, my paper
to remind me that even your own words
can betray you

It’s the new year,
Time for resolution, or inevitable revival
The point of this winter season when everything seems…
New and fresh, like anything is possible.
But is it really, if all we will do is make the same resolutions
And live out our consistent, boring lives
Grasping to the idea that change,
Only change,
Will somehow add meaning to the meaningless-
Inspire the uninspired.
We find that so easily our life will pass us by,
And we will cascade into our indifference
For the lives we made for ourselves and the unimportant choices we took
Even though we heard the necessary calling for change,
We ignored it,
Until the year changed and our lives became one year bleaker.
Call me cynical, or pessimistic
But the change we crave, the change we ache,
Is too busy living inside of the dream of a fresh start
Instead of living inside our lives.

Today I looked at sun,
I saw the light beams radiate on hill tops and in the crescent of the valleys beneath.
I even saw it shine on the nape of your neck,
As it bounced back off of you,
It took its run on me,
They danced across my skin.
Glowing and morphing into golden hues
Much more beautiful than any moonlight that has walked along this body, along this flesh.
I saw my skin collect and store away the sparkle and twinkle of the sun,
When the day had settled and the night had finally fell upon us,
I beamed, from my finger tips to my toes.
I let that light radiate its ultraviolet passion and its warm love across my body and when I began to speak,
You realized it was not the sun I liberated,
But rather, the sun that liberated me.

when i looked in his eyes,
the undeniable rhythm flowed through me.
our dance, was one with our hearts,
i grabbed his
and ****** it inside my chest
with this, his music melted into me
until all we were was a symphony
in perfect harmony

there is a deadened look in the eyes of all the men i’ve ever cared for,
is it from me?
i only want to plant life inside of you,
grow with you,
blossom with you.
but instead i am brushing off ashes
from something i once knew as home
house fires **** and the plants inside die with them

"what could of been"
-setting fires with our love
-causing earthquakes with our passion
-had songs written about our gaze
-storms from our power struggle
-you + me

"what is"
-crying tears of acid
-constant ache deep in the center of my heart
-tormenting my brain, going insane
-you - me

you are immortal
inside my words
living and breathing within every line

How ignorant are humans to forgive a lifetime of indiscretion for 12 dollar roses and 5 dollar chocolates?
We demand adoration in the face of the world for 24 solid hours while the rest of the year we accept the misery our concept of love has brought.
Are we so blinded by sweet nothings to realize they are just nothings,
that 12 dollar roses and 5 dollar chocolates do not compare to the screaming match you had last week when you found out he lied.
If we accept so solemnly that our love will not always be happy,
are we closing ourselves off to the possibility that maybe our love doesn't have to be so empty?
Nothing is more empty than 12 dollar roses and 5 dollar chocolates because intensity and passion is not sparked from a single day.
It is grown over time, throughout the days.

The only thing I want to remember about my adolescence,
is how good it felt when it had finally ended.

i wish to be the muse
that one day becomes the artist

writing about you,
you are the sunshine
you are the the freckles that dot my face
you are the smell of the dew in the early morning
you are the light that led the way
you are gone
and that i cannot accept.

i have walked years in this body,
across mountains and up hills
but i have never stayed long enough
to enjoy my journey

i learned something when my head exploded that day,
things come and go,
things will never stay.
even though I've prayed to God im not even sure is there and I've squeezed the hands of strangers,
but this I cannot bear.
"only time will heal"
will it heal the cold hand I clasped that day?
will it heal the wound in my heart because it's starting to decay.
will time give me back the moments and laughs with you?
time never heals,
time just teaches you how to soothe.

My favorite time of day is the morning before the cigarette smoke laces through my hair. Theres something so pure and innocent about the morning and the sunshine and the smell of youth. I remember when lollipop sticks stuck out of mouth and my mother would yell that I would rot out my teeth. It's funny really, now the cigarettes hang out of my mouth like candy. Innocence is so pure the way it feeds through your body till some other drug is then the innocence is lost. And that's the beginning and the end to all our problems. We lost our innocence trying to **** the pain and when I say **** the pain I really mean **** ourselves. Because no body at 15 wants to down a bottle of pills just to make it through the day then at 16 drink more liquor than water then at 17 attempt to take your life because it might actually make you ******* feel something. I tried for so long to just ******* feel something like the way I felt heartache and pain and loneliness course through my veins. I tried to ignore it, black it out, I ******* tried. I think I love the mornings the most because the way the have so much potential but still seem to come to a ******* end. They know how to end. I am still learning.

Rolling over to see your eyelashes batting your cheekbones
Is how I want to wake up forever.
Watching the ends of your lips curve into that sweet and sultry smile,
I could stare at you forever.
You are magnificent, a beauty of the mysterious
Because under everything,
I'm still trying to figure out how your brain
Could see me,
And see beauty.

if i knew the world would hate me today,
i would of stayed in bed.
if i knew words wouldn't come easy today,
i would of blew off that test,
if i knew i wouldn't have you,
i'd of died way back when

You cannot make a home inside a person
Who is still rebuilding

You are the only light left at the end of the tunnel
But when I arrive,
You are gone.
Your existence- obliterated
Me- waiting.

who would want what was once torn by another
stained by its previous owner with late night tears that seemed too hot and heavy to be real,
with pages slipping out,
one by one, ripped apart at the seam
who would want what was marked by another

you’re right,

no one would

Time travel with me, across time and space
Let's find the meaning between you and I-
Nestled in the eternal continuum between here and now,
There is no future, there is no past
We are the children of the present
Crowned royalty in the never ending day.
You and I-
Time traveling, through our minds.

I wish I could say that telling you how I feel
Was as easy as saying,
"It's like falling off the Grand Canyon"
But it's so much deeper than that
It's like exploding into the stars
With a body on fire, alive from you
It's the rain at 2 am that wakes you from your
Sleep. But all you can do is smile
It's the neurons in your brain that sputter endlessly,
With the most captivating thoughts.
You are an infinity of stars and planets
That swirl with fragile hands.
You are a book etched with love and emotion
You are the music that rocks me to oblivion
Ceaselessly yearning for something more.
You are the 6am sunrise that bathes my skin
And blinds my eyes.
It's the mesmerizing passion for the little things,
The loose tea cups and finger-drums
Dedication for the craft you have perfected,
But not quite.
It's everything good and bad
It's you.