let's take a walk
alone
under the night sky
as comforting as that seems,
it never is;

it's always
empty
the skies pin onto themselves
dead ***** of gases
deceased light years ago

yes, let's walk along Grove
leave false stars in the form of phones
back at home
let's walk alone
get lost

minsan ang sansinukob,
minsan ang namamagitan sa ating dalawa.
minsan ang kalawakan,
minsan ang hinihingi para makahinga.

in all honesty, i have difficulty in perceiving what is real and what's in my head.

"what demons?" i hear you ask, and i simply smile back.
"want me to describe them to you?"

these demons,
these wretched, dark, indecipherable beings
clawing their way inside my brain,
and making it to the depths of my innards,
they're never really gone
and it will always be a struggle
to remain calm,
despite everything.

it feels like
swimming in a pool
6 feet deep
and as a 5'2 kid,
it has been a constant struggle
to try and stay afloat;
try and stay alive
because suddenly the world morphs
and the pool is no longer a pool
but an ocean, a stormy night
out on the open sea,
waves crashing, violently slapping the boats and ships sailing through the vicious currents
shipwrecks here and there, floating debris,
a havoc; hands and feet, cold, dead, floating,
and as you float there,
your legs get numb from the cold water,
helplessly moving your arms and legs to try and keep yourself up,
trying not to feel the dark, murky waters of the night
trying to entangle its menacing fingers
and grab ahold of your dangling legs.

yet suddenly it becomes a pool once more.
the debris floating around you
now become floating devices,
calmly riding the ripples made by your own movement.

yes.
these are my demons,
the ones that turn a whole world into a nightmare
but in a snap,
makes me wonder what reality am I in.

It's all normal.
And I wonder if it's all in my head.

let me out from this augmented reality
a nightmare so surreal
let me out
i am terrified

test me
my waters have remained constant
rippling, reaching
as far as the eye can see
into the horizon; the water surrounds me
my knowledge is useless
when drowning in these waters;
i can only flail desperately
as my movements create ripples
out into the open sea
all these efforts
all in vain
all in my vein
blood rushing out
like the sea, light then heavy
then strong
like the sea, with a strong smell of salt
this time, the waters are red
and they reek of iron

test my waters
they’ve been stained crimson
with my lifeline

truly,
what is there to lose
when all has been said and done
when all that is left is a shadow?

what more do i have to lose
other than the sliver of hope
i so desperately hold on to;
what else do i have left?

truly.
what can i do
when even the happiest days have gone by
and time kills as the seconds pass by?

i love you. and i miss you.
though only the clicking of the keyboard can hear
and the silence of the night can tell,
this distance makes the night grow colder.

i want to melt in your embrace,
and no longer will i fear protecting my soul
from my demons wanting to inhale every inch of my soul;
i no longer have to fear being alone.

through glass sheets and LED screens,
i no longer have to fear to start over again
when giving away a little part of me;
i no longer have to fear opening up and letting my heart out to you.

through airplane rides and bumpy roadsides,
i no longer have to find solace in the warmth of a blanket,
or the voice over a phone,
or the presence on a screen.

love, i'll meet you soon.

keep up the soul,
drown down your doubts,
fill it with happy thoughts.
and with your spirit,
there won't be a retreat
so dream on dreamer!

keep writing, keep scribbling,
with no tears left to cry
ideas and words will never be dry,

dear writer,
you still have phrases to do
language to know,
an art to make,
a love to define,
a struggle to narrate,
and a story to live

dictate the stars, own the future
with pen in hand, take us to new lands