If poetry could heal you, I would write on every surface in your house, I would write it until my hands bled.
If my words could sink into your bloodstream and became your second savior, I would fog every window in your car with I love you's and words I've only whispered as you slept.
If suddenly you fell to your knees with the weight of the world, I would grab every strong cell I had, to grab the world around the shoulders to redirect it in my direction.
my love for you is inexhaustible.

I feel stuck in time, stuck in my life. These feelings wrap around my neck and they float up into my mouth and get lodged in my throat. Making it difficult to swallow, difficult to breathe. I smoke spite this "cat got my tongue" feeling. Quiet; this makes me. Sometimes, I feel forced to make words, sounds that come out of my larynx. For you to receive, to understand, comprehend, accept. Feel for me, not sympathy but ease. I use my manners too much, yet not enough. I'm sorry and thank you. Something catch me, pull me into another time frame, a different world. New feelings, faces, places, concepts, culturally magnify me. Warp me into a new realm. I've never known how long something stable will be here. If nothing else, show me that. I will be happy enough to die then.

this is an open letter to anyone who has the audacity to try and love you like i did.

dear whateverthefuckyournameis,

i apologize in advance for spilling my boiled blood on the hem of your skirt. what you need to understand, is that you are standing on ground previously reserved for my feet, so forgive me for any bitterness that seeps through the cracks in my clenched fists. i don't hate you, but i can't be your friend. you probably don't know about me, and if you do, let me commend your bravery. i have a tendency to set my problems on fire, and in my bouts of anger everything looks flammable, especially girls with paper complexions. i'm sorry. i have never been one to walk away, so i don't know how to explain to you the holes in the bottoms of my shoes. but i have been further than you will ever go. this is not supposed to be an angry letter, but lately that's the only thing coming out of me. i don't even know your name but the thought of your hands reaching for him makes we want to break them. i will douse your dreams in gasoline and strike the match against your cheek. but i know that's not right, see, the poison crawling out from the end of my pen belongs to a scarier version of myself i try not to know. my heartache is an insatiable war cry in the dead of night, that will stop at nothing to shatter all your windows. it shames me to admit that i've found a sort of twisted satisfaction in using passive aggression to breach your armor. i am sick with missing a set of arms i was not privileged enough to know. i speak with all the grace of an atom bomb and wonder about the rubble at my feet. you are white picket fence and i am barbed wire. some girls are lions, some are lambs, and i learned to love, teeth bared and snarling. one of the only things that keeps me going is the hope that one day i'll learn how to love something without making it bleed. i may have never been his, but for a time he was mine, so please understand why i taste acid when i think about your mouth on his. again, i am sorry. i know it is not my place to be so full of resentment, but there is a part of me that sincerely hopes it bothers you to know he dreamt of me before you were even a thought. there is a side of me that thrives on the image of the color being drained from your face when you read this. but i am trying to learn how to be softer. this letter is the manifestation of a self-inflicted war that has been raging in my chest since he first told me about you. you will try to be good to him, and you might even succeed. if you ever find yourself singing him to sleep, like i did, don't ask if he wants to hear another song, just keep going until his breathing slows.

- m.f.